My brother admitted to a “prank” that drastically changed my life 7 years ago.

A man learned a shocking truth from his brother, who, as part of AA’s amends process, admitted to sabotaging a scholarship he won years ago. The revelation explained years of financial strain and left him grappling with the weight of his brother’s actions. Read his dilemma below.

‘ My brother admitted to a “prank” that drastically changed my life 7 years ago.’

7 years ago when I [17M] was preparing for college at 17 I was trying to find scholarships. I applied to a scholarship run by a local family using money from a man in the family who was very wealthy. They eventually announced that a girl from our town had won and I thought nothing of it.

My brother [27M] is now in AA and is “making amends.” He admitted to me that I won the contest. He said that an old teacher of his was on the scholarship board and saw him at the store, and brought it up to him assuming we knew. But we didn’t know as the letter hadn’t come in the mail yet. But after she said something he knew, and when the letter came he took it.

He was mad at me at the time (now he doesn’t even remember why) and says that he responded to the letter thanking them but telling them I had received a full ride scholarship to the school of my choice and no longer needed funding. He gave them his own cell phone number and said they could call him with any questions.

He says they did and he just convinced them I didn’t need the scholarship and they should give it to someone else, so they did. He admits it was s**tty of him but doesn’t seem to think it was a big deal. He doesn’t even see the value of the money lost because I still got to go to college, but the difference was that I ended up 40k in debt with student loans.

I still owe 35k and the interest is counting. The scholarship would have paid out a total of 45k over the course of my college education as long as I maintained minimum grades. His prank cost me tens of thousands of dollars.

I know he’s in AA and the goal is to make amends and fix relationships, but this honestly makes me never want to see him again. I spent college SO incredibly stressed over money and this could have solved so much of it, and he did this over something he can’t even remember now.

Where do I go from here? Am I “supposed to” let this go? Sorry this is kind of a rant, I don’t really know what I’m asking other than just general advice of how this should affect my relationship with him. I feel like I don’t want any relationship with him at all now but I know I might regret that years down the road.

These are the responses from Reddit users:

Sneakys2 −  What he did was awful, but what sticks out for me is that he doesn’t seem to care how it’s affected you, nor can he even remember what “provoked” him. Your brother owes you, in the very least, a real apology, one which acknowledges how his actions seriously affected you and your future.

TeachItAgain −  That’s not a prank. That is freaking fraud with the intent on ruining your financial life. I’m in AA. Amends also end with how can I make this up to you? It’s up to you what you want to do. I had 2 people say thanks but no thanks. I left them alone. One came back into my life and one did not. It’s okay to cut him off. I would because he can’t make it up to you.

constanceblackwood12 −  There is absolutely a way he can make amends: he can pay off the student loans that his actions forced you to incur. If he’s unwilling/unable to do that, you are completely free to choose not to have a relationship with him for as long as you want.

ErinBetweenTheEars −  He didn’t make amends. He got a f**k up off his chest. When you make amends, you take full responsibility for your actions and truly recognize and own up to the ramifications. Then you attempt to set it right. In your case, he’d at the very least contribute to paying off your loans. He followed his admission by rationalizing why it “isn’t a big deal.” Worst 9th step ever.

No, he’s not entitled to your forgiveness just because he fessed up. Making amends is not a full proof guarantee that you’ll mend a relationship and I hope his sponsor went over that. If I were you, I’d be really pissed. I’d also tell him the only true amends he can make is to help with your debt if he can’t take all of it.

His recovery is pretty suspect. It’s up to you whether to forgive him or not. I don’t think resentment is always the personally soul crushing experience it’s made out to be, but it could be. If you can live with it, s**ew him.

wemblewobble −  He’s not actually trying to make amends – that involves accepting the damage he caused. He is still in denial and minimizing his behavior. Don’t even consider forgiving him until he actually takes responsibility. Send him back to his sponsor for further discussion.

LeatherHog −  That is going way too far. At 20, he knew what he was doing. I doubt he’s ever lost a wink of sleep over it.

0928346234 −  Your brother owes you $40K. That’s the cost of his “prank”. He will not be able to return your time and compensate your stress. But he absolutely can repay you that $40K.

n2tattoos_lol −  Sue him.

thetruth320 −  Recovering addict here: Making amends is difficult, and we are well aware that our amends may not be met with forgiveness. There is nothing saying that you have to forgive him. So don’t think that you have to forgive him because he told you he was sorry. That’s up to you to decide.

Part of the the amends are that he should be trying to pay you back, if he is in any shape to do so. I wouldn’t expect him to pay it all on the spot, but there could be some monthly payment worked out, even if it is small.

scherzade −  Great ideas in this thread:

• Write to the scholarship board. See if you can recoup the money.

• Talk to a lawyer, maybe police. See if you can make your brother pay for what he’s stolen. Or, at the very least cover the remainder of your debt.

• Your brother needs to see a psychotherapist, not just go to AA. What he did was calculated and clearheaded, obviously over the span of a few days. He purposely destroyed what he could of your life. That is not a prank. That’s psychotic behavior.

• Do not let him off easy. He did to you what someone’s worst enemy wouldn’t do. If he were a real brother, 2 hours after pulling the ‘prank’ he’d have guilt and would be running after the scholarship people to make sure you received it. Obviously he has no moral compass. I would not be around him ever again. He doesn’t feel remorse over what he did to you. I’m pretty sure you’ll be better off without him in the long term.

• Be careful if you ever have to be around him. He obviously has something against you and is unhinged. I would not trust him.

Forgiveness can be a challenging path, especially when betrayal has lasting consequences. How would you handle a situation where someone close to you caused harm, even unintentionally? Share your thoughts below.