My boyfriend choked me

A Reddit user went to a concert with her boyfriend, where he became increasingly grumpy and aggressive. After calling her names and pulling her hair, he later escalated the situation by choking her when they got home. Shocked and desperate for air, she slapped him, but he retaliated by choking her again until her vision darkened.

The next day, instead of apologizing, he blamed her for his actions, saying she “brought that side out of him.” Now, she’s confused—was it just the alcohol, or is this a deeper problem? Read the original story below…

‘ My boyfriend choked me’

We went to a concert last night. And had some drinks. His mood turned toward the end of the evening and seemed grumpy. I kept asking why he was mad at me and he wouldn’t tell me. He kept calling me a b**ch and pulled my hair while I was walking in front of him to the car. On the way home he wouldn’t say one word to me.

When we got inside his apartment I said “please talk to me. Why are you made at me? I’m sorry. Please don’t be angry.” He just snapped and pushed me to the couch and started choking me. I was so shocked. He stared right in my eyes while he did it. I couldn’t think of what to do so I slapped him.

I just wanted him to let me breathe. Then he slapped me back and started choking me again. I didn’t pass out but my vision was going black. He got off me and left the room. I grabbed my stuff and ran, going to my house.

The next day he didn’t apologize he said “I didn’t want to hurt you but you were acting up last night. I love you, but you brought that side out of me.” … I don’t know what I should do?! I’m so confused. He has never done this before. Maybe he was just really drunk.

These are the responses from Reddit users:

Losingsteamfast −  If a sister or friend said “my bf hit me and choked me until I almost passed out.” you would tell her to leave. There is no scenario where you would tell them “maybe it was just this one time and he will be super sweet from now on.”

jillbowaggins −  I’m so confused. He has never done this before. Maybe he was just really drunk.. Does. Not. Matter. The fact that he choked you was already bad enough that you need to leave, no question about it. The fact that he did it to the point of you nearly passing out, even worse. The fact that he didn’t apologize but blamed it on *you*?!

He didn’t even feel bad about it. If you stay he **will** do it again and you might not survive next time. There is **no** excuse and **no** situation in which you should ever consider staying with him after this.

SmoothFrosting −  He’s an abuser and he’s trying to make you blame yourself for his actions. Run

Photomama16 −  You need to leave. This happened to a person I knew, and she wasn’t lucky enough to walk away. He had done it to her before too, and then blamed her for it. Please get away from him.

ohhannahno −  You need to exit this relationship as soon as you can. A man who will choke you will kill you. Choking is incredibly dangerous, and you need to take this as a serious indication that he is not the man you should be with.

[Reddit User] −  Men who choke their partners are more likely to commit h**icide than men who commit other types of violence. GET OUT.

beaniver −  Everyone that has been telling you to leave is correct – strangulation is the leading indicator in partner h**icide. Compounded by the fact he blamed you for his behaviour, this is terrifying and it will happen again.

Also, even though you did not pass out **please seek medical attention now**. There could be a lot of internal damage that has been done. It only takes 33 pounds of pressure to snap someone’s airway. Edited for correct amount of pressure.

tiru44 −  Leave him now! He blamed you for his actions: he’s an abuser and will hurt you beyond help one day! Tell a family member or close friend, get to a safe place and tell the police. Above all, get out of that relationship.

[Reddit User] −  To do’s: 1. Take pictures of injuries, mark time and date. 2. Go to the hospital! Or at least your GP. You need a check up AND a paper trail. 3. File police report, maybe press charges. Even if nothing comes from it, he’s marked when any future girlfriends/children get attacked.

4. D**p his ass. Yesterday. There’s no coming back from this. He says he had to do it to keep you in check? What the actual f**k? He’s completely sick in the head. He’ll do it again, guarantee it. 5. Move out. To your mom’s, a friend’s, a shelter. Under NO circumstance stay.

6. Restraining order in case this nutjob comes after you. You’ve already seen how he is when you ‘act out of line’. 7. Therapy for yourself. You might have to work on boundaries, self esteem and your normal meter, as well as the trauma of being abused.. Good luck. We’re here for you.

EDIT: I read through the comments to make you a complete to do list. EDIT 2: You’re 10x more likely to be killed by this a**hole now. Please take this seriously and Get Out.

Abuse is never justified, and blaming the victim is a classic red flag. First-time or not, physical violence should never be excused. What advice would you give her? Should she stay or walk away for good? Share your thoughts.