My boyfriend (32M) is annoyed that I (28F) have dinner with my family once a week. How do I communicate to him that this is important to me?

A woman is facing tension in her relationship because her boyfriend is annoyed by her weekly dinner with her family. While she cherishes this time with her loved ones and feels fortunate to have them nearby, her boyfriend often expresses frustration, making guilt-inducing comments every time she goes.

The woman feels conflicted about how to communicate the importance of this tradition to him, as she doesn’t want to marry someone who doesn’t respect her family dynamics.

‘ My boyfriend (32M) is annoyed that I (28F) have dinner with my family once a week. How do I communicate to him that this is important to me?’

I have been with my boyfriend for a little over two years. We live in Hawaii and I am from here. I have dinner with my family once a week. He is always invited but comes maybe every 2-3 months. He gives me a guilt trip every time I go over for this weekly dinner.

Saying things like “a dinner you went to last week” or “you go every week, you can miss one” (which I do if something pops up) “you’re going to that again?”
My consider myself very lucky to have so much family here while many “transplant” people living in Hawaii do not.

A lot of the time I feel guilty that I don’t spend more time with my family. To my knowledge my BF doesn’t dislike my family. They’re not the most active or fun like his family when they visit but they’re still My Family and I love and cherish the time with them.

He’s typically a very level headed person so I don’t understand why he puts up such a stink about this. How do I communicate with him that my family is a big part of my life, this time with them is important and special to me and looking into the future this attitude is very off putting.

I don’t want to marry someone who doesn’t respect this special time with my family. Sorry for the rant. This has been going on for over a year and I needed to vent about it and get some guidance. TYIA

Check out how the community responded:

goodbye-toilet-cat −  I think you *have* been communicating to him for two entire years that your family dinners are important to you. And he’s been communicating to you for 2 years that he doesn’t care, doesn’t approve of you having this happiness, and will continue to try to manipulate you to downgrade your family in your life.

I would have dumped him after the third time he put up a judgmental stink about it. You can keep trying though I guess. Tell him to knock it off once and for all, and if he makes one more peep of negativity about your family dinners, it’s over. And mean it.

littleoldlady71 −  Dating is to learn if you are compatible. Are you?

JMarie113 −  He knows. He doesn’t care. Communication is not the problem. The problem is him. He doesn’t like your family for whatever reason and resents you spending time with them. It is very unlikely to change, no matter how much you communicate it to him.

Feather757 −  my family is a big part of my life, this time with them is important and special to me and looking into the future this attitude is very off putting.
You already know how to communicate it to him. What you wrote here is very clear; I’d tell him that.

If he responds negatively again, then that’s just how he is and it’s up to you whether to accept it or not.

Friendly_Shelter_625 −  Next time he expects you to eat with him more than once a week say, “Ah, a dinner we did last week” and see how he likes that.

Whatsfordinner4 −  “It is important to me” Once you’ve said those words, assuming they are said in his native tongue, he knows it’s important to you. His behaviour after that are things he does and says while knowing it’s important to you.

CrazyLeadership5397 −  Your boyfriend needs to get over it. It’s once a week. I come from a very large family and family is everything. Like, My Big Fat Greek Wedding. Boyfriends come and go but family is always there.

RedPandaPrincess93 −  This was a red flag in my (ex)husband that I didn’t see til later. My mom and I are close, especially after the d**th of my sister, but my ex said I spent too much time with my mom and needed to “cut the umbilical cord”. 🙄

lydocia −  You need to ask yourself why he wants to isolate you from your family. Let me know if you find a reason that isn’t “he’s a**sive”. If you can’t, leave him.

Lucky-Technology-174 −  Don’t continue spending years of your life trying to defend your perfectly reasonable decisions to an a**hole boyfriend.