My antivax mom started crying after I said I didn’t want to associate with anti-vax protesters and threatened not to help me pay for college if I got a flu shot.

A Reddit user shared her struggles with her anti-vax mom, who threatened to withdraw financial support for college if she got a required flu shot to attend her top-choice university. The tension between them has escalated, highlighting deep ideological divides over vaccination and other topics. Read the original story below.

‘ My antivax mom started crying after I said I didn’t want to associate with anti-vax protesters and threatened not to help me pay for college if I got a flu shot.’

So, to preface, I (17F) am an incoming freshman in college. I’m going to a UC (won’t say which for obvious reasons), but I got into the school’s semi-competitive engineering program and it was one of my top choices for college. I absolutely love the school.

Unfortunately, the UC system just instituted a new rule that all students need to get a flu shot before they can attend. My mom (50F) has been incredibly upset about this for the past two days. She called me up about an hour ago to talk about how I wanted to “deal” with the problem of having to get a flu shot.

She was asking me to reconsider going to another college halfway across the country because they don’t require flu shots. The school is not nearly as good in terms of engineering, it’s a long way away and it’s expensive as hell for out of state students. I have zero desire to go there.

I told her this wasn’t the hill I wanted to die on, I don’t think getting a flu shot is really that big of a deal and I certainly don’t want it to be the reason I end up not going my top choice college. She got kinda angry with me and basically implied that she wouldn’t pay for me to attend college if I got the shot, I would be completely on my own.

Then she said, “Why don’t you march your protester self (I organized a BLM march in our city back in June, so she’s referencing that) down to city hall. I’m sure you can find people who will protest with you.” And I responded, “I’m not sure I want to associate with those people,” which I know was super mean and sounds awful to me in hindsight.

She started crying and hung up on me after I said that. My mom and I seem to be at odds about everything right now. She was upset with me for organizing the BLM march, she doesn’t like most of my political views, and she’s even threatened to burn a book I was reading by Richard Dawkins about evolution because “he advocated for cannibalism” (???)

and she seems to vaguely think evolution is a lie, despite not be religious so far as I can tell. I also had to get a series of vaccinations in ninth grade to attend my high school, which my dad took me to get and which my mom is still extremely upset about almost four years later.

I feel like this whole disaster is going to be the final straw though. I just really need some advice on how to deal with this before she comes home from work and gets super mad and starts yelling at me.

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

ASS_SASS_ANATOR −  It will be a rude awakening for her once she realizes most colleges REQUIRE you to have a meningitis shot!

kristoll1 −  Whatever you do, do NOT choose your mother and her money over your education. As an engineer, you’ll easily recoup the money you have to spend going to a UC. If it turns out you can convince your mother to pay for it, that’s great.

xanif −  Your mom is m**ipulative. Cutting off their children for getting a flu vaccine is not what a rational person does.

mssheevaa −  Talk to the campus clinic and see if there’s a way that she doesn’t get access to the records. If there is, just straight lie and say you got around it. Your mom sounds kinda nuts and I wouldn’t feel bad about lying in this case.

Edit: Because so many people are advocating a fake letter, I wanted to mention that I would skirt that, if possible. That really goes down the path of no return and the possibility of it blowing up on them is higher. I figured one lie and if mom has no access to OP’s medical history there, it’s done. I can’t imagine op is the first student at the clinic who has had to deal with this.

[Reddit User] −  Can your dad help at all? You mentioned he took you before. I know you are looking to her for financial support, but could your father not fill that roll and you could get a part time job to help pay? Unless you already work of course.

slvstrChung −  Can you get it secretly without your mom knowing?

Veridical_Perception −  Perhaps you are approaching this situation incorrectly. You are operating under the assumption that the issue is vaccines. However, there are several other explanations for WHY she’s so opposed to your getting a vaccine,

especially in light of the fact that you’ve previously been vaccinated (as you stated) and not suffered the ill-effects she’s ostensibly concerned about.
Consider her opposition to vaccines reflects other issues. For example: 1. Control and control of you and your life.

2. Getting back at your father. If he took you to get vaccinated previously, he’s obviously not opposed to them (at least not as much as she is). If he was actually pushing for you to be vaccinated, her opposition is more about disagreeing with him.

3. More generalized belief in c**spiracy theorism. Several of the points you’ve raised are dog whistle topics in the c**spiracy theory world. There is a broader world view held by people who buy into c**spiracy theorism.

The very nature of c**spiracy theories and such are circular. You are unlikely to ever be able to change her mind about specific c**spiracy theories, such as vaccines. Once you start down that rabbit hole, they’re like cults – self-reinforcing and difficult to escape. However, there is a lot of research about WHY people believe them.

* A need and desire to understand complex situations and create greater certainty. C**spiracy theories and belief in c**spiracy theories always rise during times of uncertainty, stress and anxiety. People seek explanations for why things happen. C**spiracy theories are non-believer’s resolution to the core problems of theodicy and explain why bad things happen to good people

* Security and control over one’s life. People tend to believe in c**spiracy theories to address an underlying sense of helplessness or powerlessness. If a capricious god or random chance can cause disasters, there’s no safety or hope. If the government chem trails are part of weather control, then even hurricanes have a controllable cause.

Political ideology plays a huge part in believing conspiracies – the other or the enemy is responsible for the bad things happening. Convincing others to believe is partially an ideological conversion process. If they can win back political power, they can take control back.

* Self-image. At the same time, people in the know who aren’t “sheeple” are part of a select few who are taking control of their own destinies. It bolsters ego to “know” things others don’t and to be “smarter” than people around them who are blinding following along.

Convincing other people to believe is a badge of honor. Your mother may be looking for reasons NOT to let you go to college or control where you go for her own reasons, rather than simply opposed to vaccines.

Hyphophysis −  Anti-vax and a book-burner? Of Richard Dawkins no less? Your mom is anti-intellectual and just actually needs education. You can attempt to provide her with it from sources she may trust but I doubt it will be effective. I would not be surprised if she believes the earth is flat as well tbh

anotherone121 −  can you go to a local CVS or walgreens and pay out of pocket (they’re pretty cheap)? Just tell you mom you got an exemption, from UC or some such bs.

[Reddit User] −  Tell her that you respect her opinions and choices and that you can only hope she can respect yours as well. And then get all the vaccines you haven’t gotten yet as they can save yours and others lives

Balancing personal choices and family expectations can be overwhelming, especially when values collide. Should parents prioritize their beliefs over their child’s education, or is it fair for children to make independent decisions about their health and future? How would you approach such a difficult situation? Share your thoughts below!