My (57M) son (23M) moved back in and has been acting weird. Can anyone help?

Home should be a place of refuge and balance, but sometimes, the presence of a troubled family member can turn it into a constant source of stress. In this story, a 57-year-old father recounts the mounting frustrations with his 23-year-old son, who moved back in after getting married and having a child.

Initially, the son’s return was seen as a temporary measure while he found a permanent place to live, but his behavior has since spiraled into a series of boundary violations. From insisting that his wife sleep in inappropriate spaces to demanding that his younger siblings take on responsibilities like babysitting—and even eating all the prepared meals without replacing them—his actions have disrupted the delicate balance in the household.

With his wife, a surgeon with strict work hours, and himself, running a flexible business, the constant strain has led him to consider asking his son to find alternative living arrangements. Now, he wonders if he’s in the wrong for wanting his home to remain a peaceful space, or if his frustration is completely justified.

‘ My (57M) son (23M) moved back in and has been acting weird. Can anyone help?’

For those who want to read the sequel: UPDATE : My (57M) son (23M) moved back in and has been acting weird. Can anyone help? 

Dr. Laura Markham, a clinical psychologist specializing in family dynamics, explains, “When an adult child repeatedly violates household boundaries, it can lead to significant stress for everyone involved. In cases like this, where a parent’s living space is being intruded upon by behaviors that disregard mutual respect, asserting boundaries is not only justified—it is necessary for maintaining the household’s emotional and functional balance.”

Dr. Markham adds, “It’s important for all family members to understand that respect for shared space isn’t optional. When one member consistently oversteps—be it by encroaching on designated personal areas or imposing undue responsibilities on others—it disrupts the family equilibrium.”

Relationship expert Dr. John Gottman concurs, stating, “In blended family situations or when an adult child continues to live under parental roof, clear, established boundaries must be maintained. If one person’s behavior begins to undermine the household’s functioning, a firm discussion is warranted. The decision to ask your son to find alternative living arrangements is a call to protect the well-being of the entire family, not a personal vendetta.”

Both experts agree that while it’s a difficult choice to make—especially given familial bonds—the repeated breaches of household rules warrant a decisive response. His frustration is not about being unfilial; it’s about preserving a peaceful, respectful home environment for everyone, including his wife and his younger children.

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

Several redditors expressed strong support for your stance, with one user commenting, “If your home is being turned into a free-for-all because one person refuses to respect boundaries, you have every right to demand that he either change his ways or leave. Your patience has limits, and they are valid.”

Another group shared similar experiences, noting, “I’ve had an adult child living with me who made our home a complete mess, and I eventually had to enforce strict rules. Sometimes, you have to set boundaries for your own sanity.” Their personal accounts resonated with the need for clear limits.

Ultimately, your decision to consider asking your son to find a new place to stay is not an overreaction—it’s a necessary stand for maintaining the peace and respect in your home. While it’s hard to balance familial obligations with personal space, repeated violations of clear boundaries leave you no choice.

This situation raises important questions: How do you balance supporting an adult child while protecting your own living environment? Is it ever acceptable to demand that a family member leave if they consistently overstep boundaries?

What would you do if you found yourself in a similar situation? Have you ever had to set strict rules with an adult child who just wouldn’t listen? Share your thoughts and experiences below—your insights might help others navigate the challenging balance between family support and personal sanity.