My (57M) son (23M) moved back in and has been acting weird. Can anyone help?

A 57-year-old man is concerned about his 23-year-old son, who moved back in with him and his wife after getting married and having a child. Since his return, the son has been acting entitled.

Demanding more than his fair share of space and asking his younger siblings to take on responsibilities that he should be handling himself. The father is unsure whether to confront his son or ask him to leave, and is seeking advice on how to handle the situation. Read the full story below:

‘ My (57M) son (23M) moved back in and has been acting weird. Can anyone help?’

My son (23M) got married and had a child. He and his wife have been staying with my wife and I until he can find a permanent place to live. However, ever since he’s been staying here he’s been acting weird. First he tells me his wife isn’t comfortable staying in the same room as him at our house.

I say one of them can sleep in the guest room, but that isn’t good enough. So, he asks if his wife can stay in my wife’s room (we have separate rooms because sometimes we want space for ourselves). I tell him no as there is a perfectly good and unoccupied guest room.

He suggests using his older sister’s (25F) room but I say no to that as well, he then suggests that one of his two younger siblings (20F and 18M) give up their rooms. Of course I say no to that as well. He’s also been nagging his younger siblings to do stuff for him that he should be doing himself: like cleaning up after himself, doing his and his wife’s laundry, making sure the baby is fed.

I’m trying to help him out as best as I can but I’m almost at my wits end. My wife is a surgeon and has a specific schedule while I run a business and have very flexible hours so I’ll often meal prep for her so she doesn’t have to lift a finger when she gets home.

The problem is, he has started eating all of the meal prep and gets mad when I ask him to replace the food he ate. He also occasionally eats his sibling’s meal prep but not as often as he does my wife’s. He’s always been more of a momma’s boy so I thought he was doing this for her attention at first, but I realize he never behaves like this when she’s home.

He tried to demand his younger sister to babysit, she of course said no because she didn’t have time as it was finals week. He told his younger brother to do it and of course got the same answer. He then went off on them saying that he needed someone to babysit at least twice a week. I said I’d do it as I’m almost always free.

But he was adamant about having his younger siblings do it. His reasoning was because they don’t have jobs or children of their own and so have nothing better to do. I shut that down and reminded him that college is stressful and they should be focusing on that, plus they have lives and friends outside of us.

I get asking if they can babysit every once in a while because it’s their Christmas break, but demanding they be available twice a week is ridiculous especially when I have the most availability. I’ve asked him if there was a reason that he was doing all of this or if it was something I did to make him act this way.

But he always says he’s fine. At this point I’m thinking about telling him to find a new place to stay for the time being because it’s so stressful dealing with his behavior. I talked to my wife about it and when she talked to him she said she got the same answer. I just don’t know what to do anymore.

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

UsuallyWrite2 −  He’s not acting weird, he’s acting like an entitled b**t and is taking advantage and being a b**ly. He is disrupting the harmony of your home. He made some big boy choices to get married and have a kid—now it’s time for him to take responsibility for those choices and adult.. I’d be showing him the door.

TBIandimpaired −  Your wife is a surgeon who I imagine has a strange sleep schedule. It makes sense for her to have her own room! If he wants separation from his wife, he can sleep on the couch. What is he contributing to the household? Why can he not stay in short term housing? Why doesn’t he have longterm housing?

He can pay a babysitter like everyone else. He seems to want to inconvenience everyone for his own benefit. I see others thinking depression – but that would only account for the food in my opinion.. How is the baby doing?

JulsTiger10 −  Demanding his mother’s room when there’s an extra bedroom, wanting his siblings to babysit when you’ve offered? Since you’re asking Reddit, this must be out of character. Talk to your daughter-in-law. See what she’s noticing and if she has more to add. Definitely get him to a psychiatrist.

HatsAndTopcoats −  “These are the conditions of staying in our house. If you don’t like these conditions, you are free to leave. If you refuse to follow these conditions, you will need to leave.” There’s literally no reason for you and your wife to be tolerating any behavior from him that you don’t want to tolerate.

peachez728 −  I would ask his wife (son’s wife) to get her take on the situation. Maybe she’s noticed a change in him as well. Then I would make a clear cut list of expectations.

JellicoAlpha_3_1 −  As my momma says…it’s time for a come to Jesus talk with your son. I think the reality is, you son is jealous of his siblings. They have their whole lives ahead of them and he, rather immaturely, got a woman pregnant before he was financially and emotionally mature enough to be a father

So now he wants his siblings to suffer just like he is…IE wanting to force them to babysit, attempting to take their rooms, or eating other people’s meal prep. He’s lashing out because he hates what his life has become

bbq_bulbasaur −  Sounds like my brother lol. I have so many questions. What is his wife’s behavior like? How do they behave together? What type of job does he work? Does his wife work?

Pattysthoughts −  I think your son is angry at himself. He jumped into marriage and a baby and is now realizing ‘I’m only 23 I should be partying w my bros’

brilliant_nightsky −  Son is being lazy and entitled. It’s time for them to move out.

WilflideRehabStudent −  His age is concerning for abrupt mental health and behavior changes (such as schizophrenia) but this could also very well just be him realizing he doesn’t want to be a dad yet, or he could just be an a**hole, the list goes on and on.

I’d talk to his wife (and assure her that you aren’t on opposing sides in this, she may feel that you will just report back to him) and then look into making him see a Dr. His wife not being comfortable is a huge red flag, definitely check in with her. And be prepared for the possibility that you may need to make him leave and/or protect her.

It’s clear that there are underlying issues affecting the son’s behavior, and his attitude towards responsibility and family roles is creating tension. Do you think the father should enforce clearer boundaries with his son and have a direct conversation about expectations,

or is there a deeper issue at play that requires more empathy? How would you handle the situation if you were the father? Share your thoughts below!

For those who want to read the sequel: https://aita.pics/nNwtC