My (32M) wife (40F)’s daughter suddenly called me “dad” and I don’t know how to react.

A Redditor (32M) shares a heartwarming yet delicate moment with his stepdaughter (9F), who unexpectedly called him “dad” after he treated her to ice cream to celebrate her academic achievement. While he loves her deeply, he’s unsure how to navigate this situation given her close bond with her biological father. Read his story below for more details:

‘ My (32M) wife (40F)’s daughter suddenly called me “dad” and I don’t know how to react.’

I (32M) have been married with Rose (40F) for 4 years and we dated for 2 before that. Rose has a daughter, Lola, she is 9. Her father, John (42M) is quite present in her life and is a good dad ( he lives 2 hours away due to his work but he spend a lot of time with her during the weekends, holidays, they video chat a lot, he comes to all her school plays, sport events etc etc).

When I started dating Rose, I didn’t know what my relationship with Lola would be. I have had both a step-mother and a step-father so I know these kind of relationships can get bad easily, so I tried to do my best. I played with her, listened to her whenever she wanted to talk, helped if she needed help and I didn’t set any rule but made sure she followed Rose’s rules. In the past 6 years, we bonded.

Something happened yesterday: she aced a math test (the only full score in the whole class. Am I allowed to be proud of her? I will be anyway). I wanted to reward her and she wanted an ice cream, so we went to the ice cream shop. When I gave her the ice cream, she said “thank you, dad” and rushed back in the car. I was stunned.

I didn’t know how to react. She never called me dad, she normally call me by my name or nickname. She seemed to not realize she had done it so I acted normally and brought her back home and we celebrated with Rose.

I don’t know what I should do if she calls me dad again. I’m happy about it, don’t misunderstand me. I love her as if she was my own daughter but she already has a father and they love each other a lot and I think he wouldn’t like hearing her call someone else “dad”. Should I tell her something? What?

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

BrokenPaw −  Speaking as a guy who became a little girl’s “dad” when she was 10 or so: “Dad” is a title (like “Sensei” or “Elder”) that cannot be taken, it can only be bestowed. And *when* it is bestowed, it is an indication of high regard.

Take it as such, and accept it as an honor that she thinks of you in that way. It’s not an exclusive title that only one person can hold. You may wish to have a conversation with Lola (or *Rose* may wish to have a conversation with her) about how John might feel if he knows, so she can be sensitive to that.

TheBoatmansFerry −  I called both my mom and my step mom “mom” and neither of them had an issue with it. I wouldn’t even say I was closer to my step mom, I was much closer to my actual mom but I also felt that my step mom gave me enough support in life to call her that too.

spoonface_gorilla −  James Fell (author) often talks fondly of both of his dads. His biological dad who was present in his life and his stepdad who was with him more and also helped shape him. It doesn’t have to be an either/or thing. She has bestowed upon you the highest honor, but it just means you are also revered, not that you are replacing anyone.

Fleaslayer −  I have two step sons, who were 7 and 9 when I started dating their mother. I tried really hard not to make the mistakes I had seen other step parents make, one of the main ones being insisting that they start calling me “dad” – they have a dad, and I wasn’t replacing him.

My biggest regret is that I didn’t react much when one called me dad on his own. With my focus on not even being perceived as trying to get them to call me dad, I missed the real honor and affection being shown when one did anyway. She may have run away after saying it because she was embarrassed, or because she was scared you wouldn’t like it. It would be good to somehow let her know that you did, I think.

UnquantifiableLife −  You sound like a great dad. Maybe tell your wife what happened, just in case your stepdaughter is having feelings about it. But it sounds like you’ve earned being called dad. Happy for you!

DFahnz −  You react with a smile. It doesn’t matter what HE thinks. What matters is that your stepdaughter thinks well enough of you and trusts you enough to call you Dad too.

awh −  Am I allowed to be proud of her?. Yes.

skorletun −  I have 2 guys I call dad, my bio dad and my stepdad. They’re both dads to me. They’re not married to each other. Sometimes you luck out in life and get more than one dad. Lola got lucky.

[Reddit User] −  No personal experience with this, so I don’t feel qualified to give you advice, but I will say: sounds like your instincts are bang-on, and that you’re doing an amazing job. I’m sure you’ll take whatever good advice you get and handle this beautifully. Go you, man.

Ash2770_ −  I grew up w two dads! My bio father and mother were never together.. my mom and my (step) dad started dating while I was 1. It was confusing for others when I said “dad” bc they didn’t always know which one, but that was there problem🤷🏼‍♀️ I remember once when I was like 6/7 I was playing up on Something high and called “dad” to help me get down..

Wellp both of them came from different directions ( at a function where they both were, parents all part of similar social circle) and even at a young age I felt the awkwardness In the air. It got better with time, but it was never a big deal to my bio dad… I think he realized my (step ) dad was a big part of my life as well.

As an adult I keep their contacts separated / address them to others as “father” and “dad” simply so that they don’t get mixed up. If this girl sees you as a father figure be great full you’re making an impact, and don’t discourage her from it to spare his feelings.

Having another positive adult role model/ relationship as a kid is always a positive thing. As an adult now in a serious relationship, I often think when it comes down to walk down the isle it will either be both of them taking me or neither! I couldn’t imagine leaving one or the other out.

This touching story highlights the intricacies of blended families and the emotional bonds that can form. How do you think the Redditor should approach this situation with his stepdaughter and her father? Share your thoughts and advice below!