My (32M) wife (29F) thinks our baby is a reincarnation of our daughter who passed. What to do?
A Reddit user shares a deeply emotional concern: after losing their first daughter in a tragic accident, his wife believes their newborn baby girl is the reincarnation of their late child. While he understands his wife’s grief, her behavior — such as singing lullabies with their deceased daughter’s name and recreating old photos — worries him about long-term emotional harm to their baby. He’s unsure how to help his wife without causing further distress. Read his heartfelt story below.
‘ My (32M) wife (29F) thinks our baby is a reincarnation of our daughter who passed. What to do?’
A couple of years ago, my wife and I lost our daughter due to a tragic accident. It really took a toll on both of us. We have gone through extensive therapy (joint and separate) and were doing better, however I’m afraid the recent birth of our baby girl has caused her mental state to relapse. It’s affecting our marriage.
She thinks our baby is our late daughter reincarnated. We waited a long time to try again for a second child. Heck, we even moved houses and states so we wouldn’t have to see her room or where the accident occurred anymore. As soon as we found out we were having another girl, my wife asked if we could make her middle name the name of our firstborn to honor her.
I thought it was a sweet tribute so I agreed. When she had the baby, the first thing she said to anyone who came to visit was how much the baby looks like our first daughter. They really don’t look alike, but I digress. One night, I went to go get us dinner while the baby was asleep. I was only gone for a few minutes.
When I came back, I found my wife outside in the garden holding the baby singing “You are my Sunshine” but replacing the word sunshine with her middle name, our deceased daughter’s name. She buys items for the baby with that name on it.
She has a shrine type thing of pictures of both girls next to each other and insists on remaking certain photos. I have expressed my concerns to her but she brushes me off, saying that it’s her way of coping, and refuses to go back to therapy. I’m thinking long term, this would cause so much trauma for our daughter if it keeps going on like this once she’s old enough to understand. I feel for my wife though.
She became a bereaved mother at a young age and obviously still has baggage that needs to be worked out. She’s not a dangerous person, and I hate to even think this way, but I’m not sure what she may do in this state. And I don’t know how to go about it.
Take a look at the comments from fellow users:
dopenamepending − Accompany her to a follow up appointment and speak with her medical team about this. They may be able to help guide her toward therapy, because she really needs it.
an0nyn0n − Hi! I’m a therapist who specializes in postpartum mental health. I would highly recommend having a serious conversation with her about getting evaluated by a psychiatrist immediately. It’s hard to tell without some additional information, but I think there’s a real possibility she’s struggling with some form of postpartum psychosis, which is not all that uncommon.
Postpartum psychosis can be extremely dangerous and should be considered a medical emergency. If that is what’s going on, she needs immediate treatment via a psychiatrist or psychiatric hospital.
If she is not willing to be voluntarily evaluated by a psychiatrist, I would recommend:
1) looking into mobile mental health crisis outreach teams who can come evaluate her at your home
2) contacting her OBGYN immediately to see if they can evaluate her or have referrals
3) pursuing involuntarily hospitalization, which can often be done through a local emergency room or the police (ask for a mental health officer).
If she is not receptive to treatment, it could be very beneficial to loop one or two of her most trusted loved ones in on what’s going on. They might be able to help you intervene. This is a reliable source that describes what postpartum psychosis looks like: https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/24152-postpartum-psychosis
Adorable-Ad9533 − Would your wife go to therapy if she thought she was helping you ? You could tell her that a lot of memories are being revived for you (I don’t this would count as a lie), and tell her that in order to move forward you need her help and cooperation. You might learn how to help her with this, if you are able to speak to a therapist with your wife there, but you express it as needing to support each other.
carebear3215 − She needs to be in therapy asap. This could be some postpartum psychosis teaming up with trauma from losing your first daughter. If she has shown any signs of mentally instability, it would be best to take her to get help at a hospital if needed, like if she refuses to go to therapy.
I know you stated that she didn’t want to go but is there anyone else in your guy’s life that knows what happening? Like how she thinks the baby is reincarnated? If so they may be also to suggest therapy and possibly convince her to get some help.
Peregrinebullet − I’m so sorry and I hate to say this, but you are underreacting. I would notify her medical team immediately because this sort of thing is a hallmark of Post Partum Psychosis and PPP can escalate quickly and badly. You need to act decisively and let them know exactly what’s happened (take notes) and why you’re concerned.
The nurse who strangled her three kids last year was suffering from PPD and PPP and in my city, we had a lady commit s—– by cop due to it as well a few months ago. It’s super dangerous when not properly treated. Your wife will likely react very badly at first and be really angry, but please do not wait or allow it to continue. She needs medical help \*now\*.
editing to add: I suffered from severe PPA that caused me to have suicidal ideations and hallucinate – post partum hormones and sleep deprivation will f**k a person up and I was not going into motherhood with the severe trauma your wife did. I wish people knew more so that I could have been recognized and gotten help sooner, but I wish her all the hugs and compassion because it’s a f**king rollercoaster.
SandpaperPeople − I had PPP with my first born. Please get her help. I hallucinated and thought people were trying to hurt the baby. Thankfully, I got help and the meds I needed. No one talks about this enough so there is still shame and guilt associated with it.
Equal_Push_565 − She needs help immediately. This sounds like postpartum psychosis and the grief of losing her previous child combined. That’s not a good combination, and it’s not safe.
I hate to say it, but your wife might become a danger to your child. One day she’s going to realize this child isn’t the one she lost and that realization is going to destabilize her, and you don’t want to risk what that might make her do to her own child.
Post partum psychosis is scary because it has made mothers hurt their own children before, and your wifes situation is worse because it’s coupled and fueled by a previous loss.. Get her help. Now.
SeasonPositive6771 − Hi, op. It looks like your wife might be struggling with some serious mental health issues. Even if she doesn’t want to get help, it’s on you now. She may have postpartum psychosis or something similar. You need to call the OBGYN or a pediatrician tomorrow and explain what’s going on. Don’t wait.
DrZeroH − This is so far above reddits paygrade its in the stratosphere. Mental health is extremely complex and navigating the nuances of your wifes trauma AND possible postpartum related issues is scary. Please get her help immediately
violue − Yes, raising a child as a replacement for the one she *actually* wanted is going to do a lot of long term harm, and that’s assuming that’s *all* your wife ends up doing. If she’s in a state of psychosis, she is literally not in her right mind. She might make choices she normally wouldn’t make in a thousand years.
What’s happening now is bad and absolutely can get worse. Talk to a professional. Her therapist, your therapist, her doctor, etc. The longer this goes on, the harder it’s going to be for your wife to come back from this.
Most importantly, don’t listen to the people saying “well maybe it IS your daughter reincarnated!!!” They are not being helpful. There’s a huge difference between “perhaps this spirit I loved has come back to me in another form” and “this is 100% my dead daughter and I’m going to treat her as such.”
Treating it as something real and tangible erases *both* children. The daughter that was lost gets pasted over with this new, living child, and that child never gets to form their own identity because they’re spending their lives trying to live up to someone that is gone.
Grieving a child is an unimaginable loss, and coping mechanisms can vary widely. But how do you balance grief and moving forward when another child is involved? What advice would you give to this father trying to support his wife while protecting his new baby? Share your thoughts below.