My [29M] fiancée [30F] is obsessed with her side business, and it’s taking over our lives.

A 29-year-old man is grappling with his fiancée’s growing obsession with her paper flower side business. Despite initial support for her creative outlet, her intense focus on it has begun affecting her day job, their social life, and their relationship.

She’s even skipped work to sell flowers, and their shared time now revolves around her business. Feeling sidelined and unsure how to proceed, he’s considering taking a temporary break to reflect and reassess. Read the full story to explore the challenges they face.

‘ My [29M] fiancée [30F] is obsessed with her side business, and it’s taking over our lives.’

Background: I’m a graduate student, just wrapping up my PhD, living in LA. My fiancée and I have been dating for two years, and engaged for three months. She works in corporate strategy at a big company. Neither of us make a lot of money, we live in a tiny 1 BR/BA.

Recently, one of our friends [27F] started selling jewelry and other little handmade trinkets via an online store (Etsy). It’s going well, she’s selling about one thing a day and making a bit of money on the side. I’m pretty sure my fiancée got envious. She’s artsy at heart, and often looked for a side-gig.

After our friend started selling crafts, my fiancée tried her hand at a number of things — jewelry, pottery, etc. until she settled on paper flowers. My fiancée has made _thousands_ of paper flowers over the past two months. She’s been trying to sell them online, and has gotten some success — selling a few dollars’ worth every day.

That wasn’t enough though, so she’s also been selling them at markets, fairs, and plainly on the streets after work. However, the paper flowers don’t make much money. Though we’re not “well off” by any means, she still makes more money at her day job. But I’ve caught her skipping her day job to sell flowers!

In the last two weeks, she’s actually been taking sick days and “working from home” in the mornings, telling her boss she’s on calls or stuck in traffic when she’s actually spending the first three hours of the day going door-to-door hawking paper flowers. And don’t get me wrong. They’re nice flowers. She’s doing a great job at making them, and her drive is impressive.

But I feel as if it’s an o**ession that’s taking over her life, when she should be prioritizing her real work, and frankly, our relationship. We’ve been less intimate and have had less time for dates and other fun things because she’s always working on the paper flowers. The closest we get these days is when I help her bring flower packages to the post office,

or when I’m helping her take photos of the flowers. Stuff like that. I feel like I’ve become an accessory to her side business (which, I repeat, doesn’t actually make much money at all). It’s had impacts in other ways as well. Hanging out with our friends is a struggle now, because my fiancée doesn’t want to talk about anything but the flowers.

She’s always carrying some in her purse, showing them off, and if a friend shows only a little bit of interest, my fiancée will try to sell them some. It’s awkward. I have no idea what to do. I’m considering taking a break and moving back in with my parents (also in LA) for a few weeks while hoping for her to stabilize. But that seems extreme. What should I do?. —

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

avocado__dip −  You’re right to be concerned. Having a hobby is one thing, but skipping out on her day job to do this is concerning. Sit her down and ask her what her goal is with this flower business. Remind her that her day job should still be her priority.

Justathrowawayyup −  You mentioned she’s artsy, I’m a creative kind of person and I find that I need to express that side of myself every now and again. It sounds like she’s feeling unfulfilled in her current job and wants to explore more artistic avenues.

Is there a possibility she could look into a job that fills the lack of creativity she might be feeling? As others have mentioned you should definitely have a conversation with her to see what exactly is driving this.

already_reddit-tho −  I hate the “you should talk to her” advice because it’s such a cliche, but’s honestly, it’s a cliche because it’s a good starting point. If you haven’t talked with her about this and fully explained how it’s affecting you and your relationship, that’s a great place to start. Also, asking her how she’s feeling about her flowers vs. her current job;

is she not fulfilled in her current role? Is there something she could do in her current role to get more job satisfaction (and potentially spend less time with the flowers)? Is there a different professional path she is looking towards? Understanding her “why” for this a little deeper could help you both find a more intentional/specific solution. Good luck!

Throwaway321322323 −  In addition to what other people have said, can you do a breakdown of hours spent making flowers vs profit made so far? Seeing that the flowers only make .003 cents of profit per flower might be a good metric. Alternatively, watch the episode of the Big Bang Theory where Penny starts her flower pin business.

Edit: I saw some comments about how OP should encourage her in growing her business, marketing ideas, etc. As someone who briefly looked into doing the exact same thing as OP’s gf, there is literally no way she’s going to make money off of this.

Paper flowers, even the more complicated designs, are insanely cheap and there are plenty of wholesalers already in the market. One woman making them by hand will flat out not be able to compete.

thebigFATbitch −  I live in LA too and paper flowers are a huuuuge thing at weddings here. Maybe she should look into marketing them for weddings? Anyway – this is not sustainable as I am sure you know. I would definitely sit her down and explain that you support her flower business AS LONG AS it does not get in the way of her job or your relationship.

Put your foot down. If she gets fired from her job I have a feeling you will be screwed paying the bills.

Pleather_Boots −  Oh God, this was me (your GF) years ago when I first moved into a house with my then significant other. Right when we bought the house I started a business that consumed me for 5 years. I wanted him to embrace it too and help me. He patiently tolerated my taking over our house with inventory. In my mind, I was building an entrepreneurial future for us.

But it didn’t work out. I folded the business after 5 years.. but the damage was done. We hadn’t connected or taken a trip and barely had s** in those 5 years. We eventualy spilt up because we had grown apart and it was really my fault. I think lack of communication is what killed us. He never verbalized that he resented my time with the business.

He never asked me what the long term plan was or asked if I had a business plan. (I didnt.) I did have to “get it out of my system” to see what running a business was like. So I advise letter her pursue it in some way. But be open about the impact it’s having on your relatioship. Perhaps a couples counselor would help.

I’d hate for her to be writing on Reddit in 10 years how she threw away a good relationship for a flower business. (On the other hand, on the off chance that you see this business has potentia and she’s onto something big, then you can be patient and ride it out, if it could benefit you both down the road. That is the life of an entrepreneur.). ​

OkSuccotash7 −  Sit down with her and try to plan out the next five years of the paper flower business. How much does she want to budget and is there a way she can break even/make a profit? What does she see as the longterm goal? Does she want to have paper flower retail stores or do a gallery show of her paper flower work?

Does she eventually want to quit her day job? Make it concrete and it might be come clearer to her whether this is something she wants to pursue or just an o**ession.

arewegonnadothis −  Talk it out with her, but the skipping work (lying) thing needs to be shut down HARD.

mhausso −  As a corporate strategist, has she done some thinking about how profitable she could be? Does she have some sort of model that explains this? As a management consultant, I would do this to validate my idea with some basic assumptions. Is she being deliberate about this business to strike rich because she knows she can, or is she just doing arts and crafts to one up her friend?

The answer to that question is important. Ask her to make a model if she hasn’t. Other than that, it seems like you’re being supportive and relationships with side hustles can be tough. That being said you have every right to want to spend more time with her and she should recognize this and agree to some sort of compromise.

Neat_On_The_Rocks −  Always shocks me when people post stuff like this without having had a real, blunt, serious conversation with their partner. What do you do? Raise all of the concerns you show to her directly. Go from there.