My (29/F) husband (30/M) helped cover up his friend’s affair and can’t understand why I’m angry at him.

A woman is struggling with her husband’s decision to help his best friend, Liam, cover up his affair, especially since she’s close friends with Liam’s wife, Eleanor. When confronted about lying to Eleanor about Liam’s whereabouts, her husband didn’t see the issue, which led to an argument and her moving to the guest room. Now, she feels betrayed and is unsure how to explain to her husband why his actions have hurt her. Read the full story below.

‘ My (29/F) husband (30/M) helped cover up his friend’s affair and can’t understand why I’m angry at him.’

For context: My husband and I have been together for 7 years. He has a best friend ‘Liam’ (30) who is married to ‘Eleanor’ (31) and they’ve been together longer than us. I’ve been friends with Eleanor almost as long as I’ve known my husband, I met her through my husband/Liam.

A month ago, my friend called me in tears to tell me she found out her husband was having an affair. She confronted him and he swore he would end things and focus on their marriage.

Two days ago, her and Liam called my husband to ask him to confirm Liam was going to spend the evening with him, my husband said he was. I know he was lying because we had plans that evening so I confronted him about it.

He got defensive and said he was only helping his friend out and it wasn’t a big deal because he only needed time alone and that Eleanor was too controlling. We got in an argument and eventually I asked him if he knew Liam had had an affair. He denied it but he’s a bad l**r, so I knew he was BSing.

I asked him how long he’s been covering for him, but he refused to answer any of my questions. When I told him I was going to let Eleanor know Liam wasn’t going to be with my husband he got really upset and told me I shouldn’t do that. We kept arguing over it and I eventually told him we should cancel our plans and he could really go hang out with Liam since helping him was so important to him.

I ended up moving into the guest room and haven’t really spoken to my husband much since. He keeps telling me he doesn’t understand why I’m so angry since it’s not like he was the one having the affair, but I really can’t look at him the same way. How do I explain to him why I’m so upset with him? Am I overreacting?

TL;DR – my husband helped his friend cover up his affair, knowing I was friends with his wife. He now doesn’t see why I think it’s a big deal.

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

HBICRoseBlossom −  I would explain it to him like he is in Eleanors shoes. Ask him how he would feel if he found out you where having an affair and Eleanor lied to him about being with you.

[Reddit User] −  Just use the word accomplice. He is an accomplice.

ughnamesarehard −  I’d be pissed too. It’s one thing to refuse to get involved in something like this and another thing entirely to be actively involved in helping someone cover it up and it’s probably going to be very hard to explain to him because anyone with a head on their shoulders *knows this is fucked up*.

He knew that cheating was happening and that means he condones Eleanor being cheated on him. It might help to tell him that no one, no matter how annoying or bitchy or u**y or stupid they are deserves to be cheated on. It is a huge betrayal and something that seriously hurts the person who’s being cheated on.

His friend is exposing her to STDs by lying about where his d**k has been and very seriously hurting his wife by doing this. Shouldn’t Eleanor know this is happening so she can leave? She’s such a b**ch right, he’d be happier if his wife was gone, right? Or wait. Cheating isn’t about that, is it?

Because if it was about not wanting to be with someone you’d, y’know, end the relationship, right? But that’s not what your husband’s pos friend wants, no no. He wants to f**k both women. Because he’s a selfish sack of s**t regardless of the pity poor ol me story he spun about how much of a meanie his wife is 🙁

But your husband apparently doesn’t think that matters. He doesn’t seem to care about the way this is hurting Eleanor. That, in and of itself is pretty callous and cruel. But okay, he said it’s cause she’s a controlling b**ch. Does that mean if you’re being a b**ch one day that he’s going to go out and cheat on you cause you’re such a b**ch?

No? Oh so just Eleanor *deserves* to be treated that way? When did your husband start hating her that much? Or is he not intentionally trying to help hurt her? Does he just not feel any particular way about her? Your husband is really the kind of person that would go out of his way to hurt someone… just because? That’s a special kind of cruel, isn’t it?

And if he’s so comfortable lying for his friends someone would be actually pretty naive to think that the friend wouldn’t return the favor. Both your husband and his friend have proven they’ve got a pretty bankrupt sense of right and wrong. Your husband thinks not only is it okay to cheat but that it is expected and acceptable to cover up the cheating.

How could you ever trust him again? It’s almost like someone who thinks it’s cool to cheat and cool to hide cheating is absolutely guaranteed to do it too. I mean. He already condones it in every other way so what’s stopping him from doing it to you?. Nothing. Literally nothing.

And maybe your husband isn’t the kind of grade A piece of s**t that cheats on his wife and gets his friends to help him lie about it but literally all evidence points to the contrary and you are not, at all, unreasonable for hearing those alarm bells ringing in your head OP.

Edit: I’ve never r/AwardSpeechEdits before but hot damn these are hard to keep up with and I’m a bit busy so Thank You! to everyone who gave me an award.

[Reddit User] −  You’re not overreacting. If he will lie for Liam then Liam will lie for him. Neither one of them respect Eleanor and I’d be questioning their respect for you as well.

[Reddit User] −  You’re not over-reacting. Your husbands actions say **a lot** about his own character.. and it doesn’t sound good.

NyX1986 −  I dropped a life long friend over this s**t. I found out he was cheating and told him he needed to tell his gf at the time that I was friends with, or I would. He thought I was bluffing. I wasn’t! I haven’t spoken to him in 7 years. She and I are still friend and she’s married to a marine now. I don’t like cheaters, I have absolutely no respect for them, therefore I’m not friends with them.

tsh87 −  Not only is he lying to Eleanor about Liam, he’s refusing to be honest with you about the things he’s done to cover for him. You’re reacting appropriately because you’ve realized that not only is he a l**r but he’s willing to lie to you too. It’s a huge crack in your trust of him.

B-Girl-Ca −  So they are such good friends right? If it where reversed Liam would cover for him???? Huge red flags here HUGE

m_loquacious −  You are not overreacting. If your husband doesn’t see the fact Liam cheated on his wife as a bad thing, regardless of what is going on in the marriage, and was willing to help cover up the affair then it’s not a far leap to think he could easily make the same choices.

Not only that but he was content to make both of you accomplices to cover up the affair by giving Liam an alibi. It’s bad enough to do that if a stranger was asking but Eleanor is someone you consider to be a friend.

Till your husband can understand why you are upset this will not be something you can move past. Even then there may be lingering damage. I suggest you two seek out marriage therapy to work through these issues. Maybe an unbiased professional will help him understand why his actions, as well as Liam’s, were so horrible.

greenshadownymph −  Did you tell her though? You need to tell her. Tell her to get a lawyer. You might also need a lawyer. The lawyer can get access to her husband’s text messages from the cellphone company to show he’s still cheating, and how long it has been going on.

It’s painful when someone you love defends actions that hurt others, especially when trust is involved. What do you think about the husband’s decision to cover for his friend? How would you approach a situation like this with your partner? Share your thoughts below!