My (26F) boyfriend (26M) of 10 months is pressuring me to go to Christmas at his family’s house, despite my current health situation and not feeling well enough to travel. It makes me feel like he is minimizing my pain. Am I overreacting?
A 26-year-old woman is facing a health crisis due to a massive ovarian cyst that causes severe pelvic and leg pain, leaving her unable to work or travel without risking further harm. Despite her doctor’s advice to avoid strenuous activity, her boyfriend initially supported her decision to skip Christmas at his family’s house.
However, after a conversation with his mother, he began pressuring her to go again. This has left her feeling like her pain and well-being are being minimized, and she’s unsure if she’s overreacting. Read the full story below.
‘ My (26F) boyfriend (26M) of 10 months is pressuring me to go to Christmas at his family’s house, despite my current health situation and not feeling well enough to travel. It makes me feel like he is minimizing my pain. Am I overreacting?’
Hey everyone. I currently have a massive ovarian cyst that I have scheduled surgery for in 2 weeks. Think: much larger than a grapefruit. It’s pressing on my nerves and causing me severe pelvic and leg pain.
Even though my doctor has said I need to take it easy and avoid movement, strenuous activity and heavy lifting, to minimize the chances of the cyst rupturing or twisting, it doesn’t constitute an emergency and my doctor hasn’t been able to get me in for surgery any sooner.
I have been on FMLA for the past 3 weeks because I cannot work due to my severe pain and immobility right now. For most of November, I was on crutches due to the pain but over the past several weeks, I have pretty much had to use a wheelchair to move around because the pain is becoming so intense and my doctor is worried that too much activity will cause it to rupture.
Originally, my boyfriend and I were going to go to his parents’ for Christmas, but about 2 weeks ago, I told my boyfriend I wasn’t up to traveling (it’s a 2.5 hour car ride each way) and I don’t even know how I would get up the stairs into his parents’ house.
I barely made it up on crutches on Thanksgiving and was in a lot of pain doing so. Of course I encouraged my boyfriend to still go to his parents for Christmas, but simply said it would be too much for me.
My boyfriend seemed totally fine with me bowing out. However, he got a call from his mom a few days ago and has since started pressuring me to go again. I think it was something his mom said.
We have had so many talks about how I am simply not comfortable traveling, am super immobile right now and can’t risk my cyst rupturing or twisting before surgery. It is frustrating me because it makes me feel like he is minimizing my pain.
When I tell him this, he shuts down and won’t really tell me what is going on or what his mom said, but I know for some reason she is pressuring me to come. It feels like he is trying to prioritize “keeping the peace” over my health and wellbeing and it is really triggering for me. Am I being unreasonable? Should I just s**k it up and go? Or am I right- is he minimizing my pain and feelings?
TL;DR: I am very immobile and in severe pain due to a giant ovarian cyst. I’m worried about it rupturing or twisting on my ovary. I’ve been off work because of the severe pain it’s causing and am currently am using a wheelchair, per doctor’s orders to minimize the risk of the cyst rupturing or twisting on my ovary.
My boyfriend was fine with me not traveling to see his parents for Christmas but I encouraged him to still go. He was fine with this, but then got a call from his mom and all of a sudden he is pressuring me to go again. It is making me feel like he is choosing his mom’s wishes over me and is minimizing my pain and wellbeing.
Here’s how people reacted to the post:
classicicedtea − Don’t even think about going and if he whines, I would seriously consider ending this. I’m too old for this.
L0veConnects − Emotional manipulating someone in pain is a s**tty thing to do. Remind your boyfriend what the doctor said, remind him what YOU feel and then…his feelings will be his to deal with. Stay home, rest and good luck with your surgery.
Ready_Willingness_82 − I suspect his mother has told him not to come if you’re too unwell to make the trip. The right thing to do is for him to stay at home with you. He doesn’t want to stay home so he’s putting the weights on you to go. You’re not overreacting. You’re underreacting. He is being a complete a**hole.
Sneakys2 − Do not go. Do not even think about going. Follow your doctor’s instructions and rest as much as you can both to minimize your pain and to prevent a dangerous rupture.
Your boyfriend sucks right now. I agree that he’s probably getting it from his mom but that just means he needs to be a big boy and s**k it up and deal with her without dragging you in.
You can decide what you want to do with your boyfriend once you’re done with your surgery. Right now, focus on resting up; don’t worry about what the world’s most selfish family wants from you right now.
PeggyPeace − I remember my first ovarian cyst, and it was normal sized. It still hurt like hell. Ignore him. Next time he asks, put forth this question: “Do you care so little for me that you’d intentionally risk my health and comfort despite doctors’ orders?”
Before you ask him that, ask yourself if you want to be with someone who treats your health issues like this. How will he treat you after your surgery if he takes your pain as an inconvenience to his plans?
livsmith125 − As someone who has had an ovarian cyst removed please do not go. You are not being unreasonable and he is definitely minimizing your pain. I had mine removed 2 days after Christmas last year and it definitely took some time to heal from it. Please do what’s best for yourself and your health. If he truly loves you he will understand. Sending hugs 🫂🫂
Cheesyburger952 − Key word is boyfriend! Do NOT marry this man! He is putting his mother’s feelings over your health!!! Leave that ass if he doesn’t care about your health
tashien − Hon, listen to me very carefully; your health and welfare is far more important than appeasing your bf right now! The next time he or his mom tries to pressure and/or guilt trip you into going, you look your bf dead in the eyes and say “so what you’re telling me is that I have to risk aggravating a LIFE THREATENING medical condition just to ‘keep the peace ‘ and make everyone happy?
You’re saying that it’s ok if I possibly DIE from the ovarian cyst rupturing inside my abdomen and sepsis, correct?? You’re saying you don’t give two shits about my health, just as long as you get your happy family Christmas gathering, correct?? Why are we in a relationship, again? Because it’s obviously not because you love, respect and care for me. So explain to me why we’re together again?”
To his mom you say “I understand Christmas is important to you. However, you’re showing me exactly what you think about me by pushing me to travel when my doctor has told me how dangerous this ovarian cyst is. You don’t respect me or care about me; you only care about yourself.
Because if that’s not the case, you wouldn’t be pushing me to do something so dangerous that could either result in me being infertile for the rest of my life or dying from it rupturing and giving me sepsis. Listen to me carefully: I am NOT coming to Christmas. I am NOT going to risk further, dangerous complications to please YOU. I am NOT discussing it any further with you. DO. NOT. BRING. IT. UP. AGAIN.”.
Then hang up. Tell your bf if he doesn’t drop it, you will drop him. This is a deal breaker, Hon. Absolutely, positively break up territory. I hope you have your surgery as soon as possible and recovery is quick and smooth.. Love and hugs.
SheiB123 − Tell him he can go but you are staying home. Order some food on Christmas Eve so you have something to eat on Christmas day. While he is gone, make the plan for your life once you have the surgery and d**p him. He doesn’t care about YOU, he just wants his Mommy to be happy. Good luck with your surgery and take care
imtchogirl − No matter how much pressure your boyfriend feels from his mom (and to be real is probably pressure on him, not on you):. No. Because no one in that house is a surgeon and no one can fix your problem if you have a pain crisis/rupture/infection. You don’t want to have to go to a new hospital system where they don’t know your history and you have no guarantee that they have an obgyn on call on a holiday.. It’s ok to say, “I can’t do that.”
And with the increase of pain, please do call your surgeon’s office and let them know about the increased symptoms you are having. Ask very specifically, “when does this become an emergency, how will I know to come in. Because the pain is reaching unbearable now. I need a solid plan for when to come in to the ER.”
Balancing family expectations with health concerns can be incredibly challenging. Have you ever been in a similar situation where your well-being was questioned or minimized by a partner? How did you handle it? Share your thoughts below!