My (26/f) mom died a couple days ago. My boyfriend (31/m) is refusing to go to the funeral or let my daughter go with me because it’s religious.

A Reddit user shared the heartbreak of losing her mom to ovarian cancer and the emotional turmoil caused by her boyfriend’s refusal to support her during this difficult time. He not only refused to attend the funeral but also insisted she couldn’t bring their daughter, citing religious differences.

She’s now struggling to find a way to handle both her grief and her boyfriend’s insensitivity. Read the original story below to understand more about the complexities of her relationship and the pain she’s experiencing.

‘ My (26/f) mom died a couple days ago. My boyfriend (31/m) is refusing to go to the funeral or let my daughter go with me because it’s religious.’

My mom and I weren’t on good terms before her death because of my boyfriend. John and my mom never got along because he’s a deep set atheist and my mom is very religious. Major issues popped up once I got pregnant and had my daughter…my mom pressed for me to have my baby baptized into the church, which I wanted to do, but John was dead set against it.

He convinced me that baptizing her and indoctrinating her was a bad choice and that we should leave it to her to choose when she was old enough. I agreed. My mom didn’t take this well at all and after many angry and hurt arguments, she cut off contact with me.

Not having my mom with my during my pregnancy or my baby’s birth took a big emotional toll on me but John insisted it was for the best and he didn’t want my mom near my daughter at all and that my mom was evil for hurting me. At the time I was angry so I agreed. I found out my mom was sick with ovarian cancer a month ago when she called me and wanted to talk.

I was horrified and all the b**lshit kind of just fell away. I tried to make the best of my time with her, brought my daughter to meet her grandma, and tried to build good memories with her. I’m happy to say we reconciled and my mom and I made our peace with eachother before she died. I don’t want to trash my boyfriend, but John has been a pain in the f**king ass since I found out my mom was sick.

He said “she deserved it” but quickly backed down when he saw how angry that made me. He refused to go with me to visit or help care for my mom. He didn’t even really want to listen to me talk about how happy I was to reconnect with my mom..all he did was remind me that my mom hurt me and I should have no contact with her and she didn’t deserve for me to speak to her.

I told him that my mom isn’t perfect, but my mom also raised me by herself and that she was my rock for many years and he should respect that. He said nothing outside telling me there was no value in talking to her. Now we’re planning the funeral. I asked John to go with me, and he refused instantly.

He said he hated my mom, that she was a “cunt” to “our family”, and that he wasn’t going to church ever and it was rude and insensitive of me to ask. When I said I was taking my daughter, he had the never to actually tell me that I was not under any circumstances, taking her.

I have been through an emotional roller coaster this past week. I lost my mom after we finally made up. My boyfriend has been stupidly unsupportive, and now he’s refusing to let me take my child to her grandmother funeral and refusing to come to at least support me.

My daughter is the one thing that brings me comfort and I want her with me. Is that so unreasonable? It seems like the more I push the more he digs his heels in and I just can’t take it anymore. I don’t know what to do. His attitude towards this entire thing is breaking my heart ontop of my mom’s death.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

DiTrastevere −  He said “she deserved it”. …holy s**t. Your boyfriend is awful. He doesn’t actually think that attending one funeral will indoctrinate your daughter, this is just a sick power play. He wants to get one over on your dead mother. Think about that for a second. *He is vying for power over you with your dead mother.* Go to the funeral. Take your daughter. Grieve however you need to. Then make him your ex.

Sarahhhhhhhh8 −  Your boyfriend is an a**hole, not a partner. I am so, so sorry. Go to your mother’s funeral, and then evaluate if you want to spend the rest of your life with a rigid, hateful man. Is your daughter also his daughter?. I am so sorry.

cute_penguin −  Ironically enough, your boyfriend is acting like an extreme religious nut who refuses to acknowledge any other religion but his own. He’s being an a-hole and a horrid partner to you.

Is this the kind of man you want to raise your daughter around? Someone who is willing to emotionally hurt his partner because she opposes his opinion? You have every right to attend your mother’s funeral *and* bring your daughter. I am so incredibly sorry for your loss.

No_Beating_The_Busch −  He said he hated my mom, that she was a “cunt”. If anyone ever said this about my mother, living or dead, I think I would end them. Why are you with this ~~man~~ person?

I can’t even use the word man because that implies he is a respectful adult. Think about what he is teaching your daughter with his behavior. Nope. Nope nope nope. You can find someone much better to be a true supportive partner and a great father.

bellebrita −  I am so so sorry. I’m 28, and I lost my mother last summer. It still hurts, a lot. My husband is an atheist. Our minister did a communion for my mom when she was in hospice care. He explained that he believed in an open communion, and he invited both my Jewish aunt and my husband to partake. Both did. My husband also attended my mother’s Christian memorial service.

My husband has been my rock during my mother’s cancer and since her death. I can’t imagine not being able to lean on him while I’ve been sick with grief. You are completely reasonable to want your daughter with you at your mother’s funeral. You are also reasonable to expect your boyfriend to show a little more sympathy towards you. I’m frankly appalled by his behavior.

If you ever need to talk, just PM me. I’ve found great solace in talking to people my age who lost a parent before I did. It is like a private club that no one wants to join, but all the members support each other for life.

dragonfruitfly −  A**hole, atheist or otherwise. I am very sorry for your loss. I’ve been there and it sucks.

TinaPesto −  Your boyfriend is being completely irrational. He has no say in whether you go to the funeral, or whether you bring your daughter. He’s making your loss about him. Hell, he made your relationship with your mother about him,

your pregnancy and birth was full of stress from his b**lshit drama he started with your mother. Go to the funeral. Bring your daughter. You deserve to say goodbye to your mother, no matter how tumultuous your relationship had been. I’m sorry for your loss.

butt_cake −  How does he plan on stopping you from taking her to the service?

Vessira −  Kick your boyfriend to the curb, take your daughter with you and go say goodbye to your mother.

[Reddit User] −  He sounds like a real dud. Whether you are atheist or not, you should have respect for human life and especially death. Even he will die one day. A funeral is to show your respects to the living, not the dead. The living is you. For him to disrespect you in such a way is pitiful and abusive.

Also, its your child, he does not get to make decisions as to how/when you take her/him anywhere. You really need to think back at your entire relationship. I would imagine he’s been like this all along, it just never came to this level of hurt. If he has, run away! He’s an insensitive j**k.

The user’s grief is compounded by her boyfriend’s lack of support during a heartbreaking moment. Do you think the boyfriend’s refusal to participate is completely unacceptable, or do his beliefs offer some explanation for his actions? How would you handle a partner who refuses to support you in times of loss? Share your thoughts below.

For those who want to read the sequel: