My (25M) girlfriend (24F) destroyed my tanks of fire ants.

A man is extremely upset after his girlfriend destroyed his carefully maintained fire ant colony, which he had been working on for over two years. This occurred after an argument, and while she apologized, he feels betrayed and is struggling to trust her. The incident left the ants loose in the house, creating a public health concern, and he is unsure whether he can move past this and continue the relationship. Read the original story below.

‘ My (25M) girlfriend (24F) destroyed my tanks of fire ants.’

Before you ask, no, she doesn’t have a problem with me keeping ants. I’m quite sure that’s not the reason. We had an argument earlier today. Later I left to get groceries and let her chill out. Came back, soon saw the state of the ant room (spare smaller bedroom where I keep them).

(guess I should give a crash course on ant farms so this makes sense: Most have two compartments. One emulates the underground colony with tunnels and chambers where the queen nests, then this is connected by a tube to a second part that emulates the above-ground world where the workers go to forage for food. Hope that makes sense. There’s plenty of cool videos on Youtube of people’s setups)

So anyway, my girlfriend had disconnected the two compartments, dumped the colony on the floor (so that’s soil + ants) and dismantled the sides of the outworld part to leave the contents all over the place. I am lucky everything is plastic or there’d probably be broken glass everywhere too.

I’ve had these ants for over 2 years. There’s hundreds of them. I have put hours and hours of work into growing this colony and crafting their environment. I know it will sound weird or stupid to some people but it’s my hobby, similar to keeping fish in aquariums.

Its like if someone dumped out your water and threw all the gravel and ornamentals around. Plus leaving your fish to die. Except while I’m sure some of the ants have died, plenty are still alive for now. They have free f**king range of the entire house now.

I am FURIOUS. Red fire ants are an invasive species that’s gained a foothold in some parts of the country. Luckily not our part because of climate but as long as they’re alive they’ll sting any unsuspecting person who comes into contact with them or is walking barefoot. They can cause serious allergic reactions in some people.

This can be FATAL. Ants are drawn to dark places so they’ll very likely go into the walls. And don’t worry, yes I’ve thoroughly alerted the other tenants in the house what happened and how to protect themselves. This is serious s**t. And my girlfriend could not be fucked to think of anyone else as long as she got her “revenge”.

I’m just so pissed because I’ve put so much research, always took utmost care safely handling them, never even had an accident and now it’s all trashed. They’re loose not because I did something wrong but because she went p**cho. But everyone will still think it’s my fault.

Lets be real, insects and other exotic pets especially ones that pose a risk if they escape or are handled improperly aren’t exactly looked well upon. The owner is always held responsible.

She did apologize. She said she just “got carried away” because she was upset. But I just don’t know if I buy that because if she honestly had no control in the moment then why were my ants the only thing to end up destroyed. In a really thorough way at that. She knows it’s importance to me. It’s not like she just attacked my old books from college or something.

Also she’d been wearing shoes and gloves. That tells me the planning was there to not expose herself while exposing me and everyone else. What the f**k should I do? I would honestly kick her out over this but it wouldn’t be in the interest of public health because we’re obviously quarantining together.

Everyone is hunkered down. Right now we’re in separate rooms as I am trying to clean this s**t up best I can and she shut herself in the bedroom. No idea what to do now, I’m still in shock she did this.

I’ll need to fumigate the whole apartment to be sure they’re gone and who knows when that will be able to happen. PS living together for almost a year, dating for more than 2, if it matters.

TL;DR: In reaction to an argument my girlfriend destroyed my fire ants habitat while I was shopping. She apologized but I don’t know if I can get over this or fully trust her. How should I handle it with her?

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

morbid-corvids −  Wow. As someone who keeps many reptiles and insects, I would be absolutely devastated if someone destroyed the tanks, let alone endangered my animals. I know how much time, effort and care goes into the maintenance of these animals, especially ants, and I’m so sorry this happened to you.

I don’t have much advice relationship wise, but if it was me I know I’d want nothing to do with someone capable of such reckless behaviour. Good luck and I hope you can salvage your colony.

cookiemonsieur −  I think you’ve got to figure out the specifics of a general plan to break up with her and get her to move out. There’s no coming back from this in my view.

doonytargaryen −  I’m one of the kinds of people who you mentioned in your post that are deathly allergic to red fire ants. I carry an epipen with me everywhere I go because I single bite can cause my throat to close up in under half an hour to an hour.

If I lived in your apartment complex, staying in my own home would be impossible, despite the pandemic. Both of you could get in huge trouble, especially if you have to be financially responsible for other people like me who might be affected by fire ants in the walls.

Really try to tell her about the lives she’s impacted. She might not understand if she’s childish and didn’t consider other people, but that shouldn’t be your problem in the future. Also definitely break up with her.

Robiin_ −  Holy damn, I would be fuming. She sounds likes a horrible person. One, she goes and throws a fit destroying something of yours. Two it’s your hobby and something really important to you and which you spend a lot of time on.I wouldn’t take this behaviour.

IMO you should try to send her away for a while, maybe her parents place, or make her book a hotel room for a while, she did it, she’ll take the consequences.

In the meantime you can deal with the shitshow she left for you, cleaning and cathing the ants, explaining what happened to your neighbours, and maybe notifying your landlord (don’t know if it’ll have repercussions for you). And at last, take time with yourself and find your stance on how you two fit together.

She sounds like a nightmare, and of course, this could be a one-time thing. But if the first thing she does after an argument is to be so selfish destroying one of the things you love the most, and risking you and other random people in the process. I wouldn’t put it past her to do it again.

JustAsICanBeSoCruel −  WTF? So she took the time to go and dismantle your set up because she was pissed. That’s EVIL and MALICIOUS. I thought this was going to be a story about a klutzy gf who accidentally knocked over a tank, not some p**cho who went and effing did THIS.

She needs to be gone. Like, yesterday. This relationship is not salvageable because she is an awful partner, but mainly because she is an AWFUL person. The second you can get rid of her, do it.

Do whatever you need to do to get away from someone who would do something so calculatingly malicious. If my partner did to my fish what yours did to your ants, I’d go live on my parents couch. There is no salvaging a relationship with someone that is okay with that.

anmalcrossing4999 −  I would honestly kick her out over this but it wouldn’t be in the interest of public health because we’re obviously quarantining together. Everyone is hunkered down.

I’d just kick her out in like a month when the quarantine calms down. And yes this is breakup worthy in my eyes. So just tough it out for like a month then rip the band-aid off.

SugarBum33 −  Does she have family/parents/friends in the area that could take her? Do you? This is a very serious offense, this is absolutely break up worthy, all environmental ramifications aside.

You boil it down and this is someone who doesn’t respect you and your interests, and someone who turns to destruction when she doesn’t get her way. You need to separate from her ASAP, so if you can figure out getting her out then covid be dammed, you get her out.

[Reddit User] −  Give her 30 days notice. This is p**cho and unforgivable in my opinion.

Smiley-Canadian −  1. Get proof she damaged your property and put your life and other tenants at risk.

2. Got to the police and get her charged for damaging your property.

3. Get a restraining order so she’s forced out of the house.

4. Break up with her and block her.

5. Get a lawyer. Sue her for any damage, lost rent, etc. She’s a**sive and dangerous. This is not a normal reaction. I’m worried if you allow her to stay, she will escalate and hurt you or the other tenants.

EDIT: wanted to add to also document all the steps you did to protect yourself and others about the ants escaping. If someone is harmed, you may be liable as owner of the ants and could be sued. Please speak to a lawyer and the police.

DeathByAThousandAnts −  Made an account just to comment how horrifying her attitude is. As someone who has a deathly fear of ants, her behavior and disrespect for you and your hobbies is insane. She has no regard for anyone but herself. Kick her ass to the curb, OP.

A hobby is something personal, and when someone deliberately destroys that, it can feel like a huge betrayal. Do you think the apology is enough to rebuild the trust, or is this a sign of a deeper issue in the relationship? Share your thoughts below!