My [25f] boyfriend [26m] of 10 months is best friends with his ex [20s?f]. She refuses to meet me and it’s getting weird

A Reddit user shared their struggles about their boyfriend’s close relationship with his ex-girlfriend, who is also his business partner. Despite being in a committed relationship for 10 months, the ex has repeatedly refused to meet the user, often causing awkward situations and avoidance tactics from the boyfriend.

To make matters worse, the boyfriend recently went on a pre-planned camping trip with his ex, leaving the user feeling uncomfortable and questioning the relationship. Read on to see how the story unfolds and what advice others have shared.

‘ My [25f] boyfriend [26m] of 10 months is best friends with his ex [20s?f]. She refuses to meet me and it’s getting weird?’

I started dating my boyfriend, Jeff, 10 months ago. This relationship has been amazing so far and I definitely see a future with him. There’s just one problem: he has a weird relationship with his ex that’s starting to make me really uncomfortable and suspicious.

When we started dating, he often talked about his best friend, Jenna, who he also owns a business with. He made it pretty clear that she was an important person to him. I knew they had spent vacations together and he mentioned hanging out with her parents a few times, too.

A few weeks after I met him, I creeped through all his pictures on facebook (because who doesn’t do that with someone they just started dating?) and saw a bunch of very couple-y pictures of him and Jenna. I also found her instagram and looked through it, and it’s FILLED with pictures of Jeff.

A bunch of them had the hashtag #relationshipgoals and other similar things. So in this way, I figured out that they had dated. I kept waiting for him to tell me that himself, but he never did. About two months after we started dating, I straight-up asked him if he had dated her, and he admitted it.

He said that they had met in school and had similar ideals and ambitions. They dated for 9 months and broke up a year and a half ago. I asked him why they’d broken up, and he said their relationship was awful and they worked much better as friends.

They started their business after they broke up and things have, apparently, been going well between them since then. I started to get kind of suspicious about her, though, when time passed and I still hadn’t met her. I met his friends and family pretty soon after we started dating, but I didn’t meet Jenna.

I went to numerous social events that I’d expect her to be at, but she was never there. There were a number of occasions when our paths ALMOST crossed and I really thought I was going to meet her, but I never did.

For example, I went to their office a few times to meet Jeff after work, and Jenna was already gone. Or sometimes I’d come to meet him and he’d come outside to meet me so I wouldn’t have to go inside. Things started to get REALLY weird about three months ago.

Jeff and Jenna were having an open house night one evening. Jeff came over to my place after work and we had a few hours to kill before it was time to go, so we went out for dinner and then walked to the office. I was kind of expecting that I’d come in and help them set up,

but when we were a block away, he started asking me if I had lots of work to do and saying there was a really nice coffee shop nearby. He actually walked me to the coffee shop and sat me down, then left to go get ready with Jenna. He told me to come to the office in an hour and a half.

About half an hour before I left for the office, I texted Jeff and said I hoped everything was going well and asked if there was anything I could do. He replied and said, “Something’s come up for Jenna and she can’t be here tonight.” I was getting really suspicious at this point.

I went to the office half an hour later and sure enough, Jenna wasn’t there. People kept asking about her ALL night and Jeff told them she’d had a family emergency. When we walked back to the car later that night, he told me what happened.

While he and Jenna were getting ready, she had had a panic attack and said she was scared to meet me. She said she wouldn’t be able to handle it and either had to leave, or he had to tell me not to come. He told her to leave, so she did.

Since then, a couple more weird things have happened, and I still haven’t met Jenna. Once, when I was hanging out with Jeff, we went to the office so he could grab something. When we were almost there, he looked at his phone and said, “Jenna’s still there. Let’s just go for a walk.”

So we walked around the block for half an hour and then came back when she was gone. After that happened, I told Jeff I felt really uncomfortable with the situation. I could respect that they were friends who had dated, but the way she was acting about me was very suspicious.

He apologized and said he had actually been really mad at her, but wasn’t sure what to do. He also told me a couple other weird stories about things she’d done. He went to a party a few weeks ago (I didn’t go) and his phone had died that night.

When he got home and charged his phone, it was full of texts from Jenna saying she was outside in her car and asking if I was there or not. She actually never even ended up going to the party, simply because SHE DIDN’T KNOW IF I WAS THERE OR NOT.

Now here’s the kicker: Jeff and Jenna are currently on a two-week-long camping trip. They’ve been planning this trip since before I met him, but considering the way she’s behaved, I feel very uncomfortable about him being on this trip. I just looked at her instagram and she’s posted five new pictures of him.

As awesome as Jeff is, I’m really fed up with this and I’m seriously considering breaking things off when he gets back. Am I being unreasonable?.

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

Glitterland −  You’re not being unreasonable at all, and I can understand why you feel so upset about the whole situation. If I were you, I’d be asking Jeff a few questions: does he know the root issue of why she doesn’t want to meet you? Is she like this with anyone else?

Explain to him that the situation is upsetting you and that you aren’t comfortable with him going on a two week vacation with her. She is, afterall, his ex girlfriend and the whole thing strikes me as a little strange.

Maybe you could talk about meeting Jenna with Jeff present in a quieter, mutual place like a cafe or a restuarant. If Jeff was my boyfriend I’d be looking for answers. Best of luck to you and please post an update!

emmers28 −  Wow, I definitely find it weird that for a relationship that ended 18 months ago she’s still so hung up on not meeting the new gf. Maybe she is struggling with anxiety, or maybe she is hiding something (still in love with your bf, still flirting with him, worse…).

I think trusting your gut in a situation like this is important. You raise a lot of flags…. why should your bf be protecting her by making you walk around the block for 30 mins or sitting in a cafe for 90? It makes no sense, unless he cares more about her feelings/her getting hurt.

He’s willing to inconvenience you to accommodate some frankly extreme reactions on Jenna’s part. It’s to you how to proceed, but I don’t think considering a break-up is unreasonable in this situation (You could also try a firm and honest convo with Jeff about wtf is going on… if you think he will be open to it).

PS. The campaign trip?? Oh no. I wouldn’t be ok with that, not after her shady maneuvering to avoid you.

Sangfroidity −  Jeff and Jenna are currently on a two-week-long camping trip.That’s nice. Any reason why you weren’t camping too? Or the trip wasn’t cancelled?

kimmikazee −  I dated a guy like this. He would always tell me about his best friend and how he was going to do things with her blah blah. Long story short, it was his girlfriend. He told her that I was a good friend he’d known awhile.

We had been dating around 4 months and they had already had a trip planned to Disney before we met, so they went. . I trusted him (kicking myself for that one) and about 10 months in is when it all came out.

I always told him I’d love to meet her, but something always came up to where she couldn’t come. I see so many parallels between your situation and what happened to me

[Reddit User] −  Jeff may be a nice guy, but he’s awfully stupid. Starting a business with an ex is stupid if you think it will never cause problems. Putting her needs before yours by inconveniencing you so she doesn’t have to met you, is stupid.

Going on a private, two week camping trip with her and thinking it’s ok, is STUPID. I think at this point you insist that you meet her and also ask him if he really thinks he should be spending time alone with a woman who refuses to meet his GF and whose needs he places before yours.

You are NOT first place in his life, she is…and that’s a huge problem. My fiance had a female bestie when we met. They had been friends since high school, dated for 3 months, and he called it off because she treated him terribly when they dated.

Stupidly, he stayed friends with her, believing they could just be friends. As soon as he and I got serious, she got uber territorial. Then she started making excuses to only see him alone.

I met her once, she flirted with him in front of me, ignored me, and then tried to constantly monopolize his time by having personal crises (just like Jenna and her “panic attacks” at meeting you).

Eventually, she cut him out, and that’s when other friends told us that all along she has been saying that SHE dumped him, not the other way around. And that she had slept with every single guy in their group and snubbed every single one of their girlfriends.

Don’t walk this road with Jeff if he is too stupid to see what game she is playing, and how he is prioritizing her above you.

[Reddit User] −  It’s a precarious kind of situation. I don’t think too many people would really fault you for wanting to cut it off. He’s not exactly doing anything to assuage your concerns (and has outright lied to you on more than one occasion),

and it’s pretty apparent that he just enables this behavior in her rather than set reasonable boundaries for a friend/business partner. If you want to make it work, it should depend heavily on his transparency and actually enforcing healthy boundaries with this girl. Otherwise they’re going to stick with being “not together together” with his next girlfriend too.

prinbeans −  The worst part to me is the camping trip. How the f**k did you allow that? What are they doing? Are they drinking? Sharing a tent? God if my boyfriend did something like that I couldn’t be with him.

[Reddit User] −  He has to work with Jen. But he does not have to tiptoe round her poorly feelings or go on two week camping trips with her and it’s disrespectful to do those things with an ex who is being so weird with you.

Sitting you down in a cafe or walking you round the block so she doesn’t have to be assaulted by your presence? Why is he prioritising her feelings over yours? Q) What makes meeting you so unpleasant for her? A) You’re in a romantic relationship with Jeff

That’s one enormous piece of evidence that she isn’t over him, I’d personally need more than platitudes to change that conclusion.

[Reddit User] −  Best friends/business partners with his ex(strike one), who you’re not allowed to meet(strike two), who he is currently on an intimate one-on-one camping trip with(strike three).

Yeesh… you’re a far more patient and trusting woman than I am cause I would have peaced out of this relationship LONG ago. None of this is normal or okay, and you are in no way being unreasonable.

betweensadmad −  He lied. He started off by lying by omission and only came clean when directly confronted. Add that main point to the other details and you know what to do. He’s not respecting the most basic of boundaries.