My [22F] boyfriend [24M] is very against me taking antidepressants after 10 years of what was diagnosed as mild depression while I was in high school.

A woman shared her struggles with her boyfriend Eli, who is strongly opposed to her taking antidepressants. Despite her ongoing depression and efforts such as therapy, exercise, and diet changes, Eli’s negative experiences with antidepressants from women in his life have made him adamantly against the idea.

He fears that antidepressants will change her and is unwilling to support her decision. The woman is torn between understanding Eli’s perspective and prioritizing her mental health, unsure of how to proceed. Read the full story below.

‘ My [22F] boyfriend [24M] is very against me taking antidepressants after 10 years of what was diagnosed as mild depression while I was in high school.’

I have been dating my boyfriend, “Eli” for nearly 2 years. Shortly before we had started dating I had been considering taking antidepressants because I was just sinking into a hole of self-loathing and I had been lashing out at people who care about me (and I them).

Just general anger at the world and everything. I was immediately put off of considering taking antidepressants when Eli mentioned how they have screwed up women in his life, exes, his mother and grandmother specifically.

Apparently antidepressants changed these women and made them practically unrecognizable to him, to the point that he became sick feeling talking to me about it. I am not sure how to handle this anymore, as my depression has gotten worse over the past few years since coming to college.

Eli can’t understand why I am depressed, why I continue to be depressed. I’ve tried changing my diet, I exercise 6/7 days a week (track & field athlete at my uni) and I’ve tried therapy. Nothing works the way I want it to. I am tired of hating everything, I’m tired of feeling like I’m better off not existing.

I’ve explained this to Eli and he still Very against it, so much so that last night when I told him I intended to take antidepressants that have worked for other members of my family he said “I’ve watched so many girls in my life wither under the effects of antidepressants, while I’ve watched in horror.

I am not interested in watching you become a muddled down version of you I’ve no interest in.” I’m at a loss as for what to do. He told me he was sick this morning because of our conversation last night.

I don’t know how to proceed, if I need to try to understand him better or if he needs to understand me? I’m open to any advice I will receive on how to handle this or move forward. Thank you.

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

eshtive353 −  You need to do what’s best for your health first. If that means taking antidepressants for yourself, take them. Your bf isn’t a doctor and different drugs affect different people in different ways. Stop letting your bf make your health decisions for you.

If nothing else has worked for your depression and your doctor recommends you trying antidepressants, try them out. Worry about how they “change” you after you can manage your depression.

DFahnz −  Either that or his definition of “withering under the effects” is “stopped putting up with my s**t.”

DRHdez −  Your bf is not a doctor. Do what a doctor tells you to do. If a mentally healthy person is a deal breaker for him then too bad. You shouldn’t compromise your mental health for anybody. Do what is best for you.

thedarkestbeer −  Take the damn pills, first and foremost. Talk to your doctor and be aware that different kinds and dosages work better for different people, so you may need to experiment a bit. Don’t let him convince you that if round one isn’t great, you should scrap the whole idea.

You could ask him what specifically he’s worried about. I don’t know if he’s told you more, but I’d be shocked if everyone in his life who’s ever taken SSRIs “withered” in the same way. I’d bet that his imagination and fear is filling in a lot of gaps here.

And finally: “The person you’re interested in right now hates her life and herself. I’m not interested in continuing this way, and I’m going to try everything possible to help. I hope that you’ll support me in that.”

WarbeakSparra −  He just does not understand you as a person. And he doesn’t really want to. He doesn’t care about your suffering. I’d bet the side effect he’s most concerned about is your s** drive, which could take a dive for a minute until you get used to them.

So really, he’s just concerned about his penis and how often he gets off. Please don’t let any person manipulate you into doing what *they* want for *your* health. You call the shots here. He is not sick, he is not a victim, he will not suffer by you taking meds.

He has made this all about him, when it’s about your health. You need meds more than you need a partner who would have you stop them for their satisfaction. A person who truly loves you would want you to be healthy and feel good. I take an antidepressant, it helps me *immensely*. Give em a try.

Ashley_DL87 −  Do what is best for your mental health. It might take trying various medications along with your diet and such to find something that works for you. Your BF isn’t a medical professional and shouldn’t be pushing you in any direction that could adversely effect your health period.

Scruffy42 −  Well, he can stay or he can go, but if you need antidepressants, you need them more than some guy. Guaranteed. Oh, but yeah, be very careful and report any and all side effects to the Doc and follow up until you are sure you are in the clear.

IncredibleBulk2 −  I am not interested in watching you become a muddled down version of you I’ve no interest in. What an insensitive thing to say to someone you love! At least the trash is going to take itself out. I was a college athlete and my depression got worse too.

Counselling should be free at your school and you should start there. Have you talked to your doctor about your depression? They should recommend a psychiatrist for you to see. That psychiatrist and you are the only people who should have any say in your decision to treat your illness.. I’m sorry, but your SO has to go.

budlejari −  Your boyfriend does not get first or even second call in how you manage your mental health. Puttin aside the fact that medications are different for everybody, and it is impossible to predict how you will react, his past history with medicated people does not negate the fact that you are currently suffering, and there is a possible treatment out there for you.

You’re not living life to the full, and he wants you to continue to live a half-life because of his own personal issues. Note that: he is not saying ‘I don’t like medications’, he’s saying, ‘if you take medication to get well, I will leave you’.

He’s saying, ‘I do not approve of this treatment, I don’t want you to take it.’ That’s not great; he’s not supportive and he’s saying that he doesn’t love you, he loves you as you are like this and doesn’t want to change it. If he cannot accept that, that is his choice, and it’s his problem that he can’t deal with people with real mental health issues.

I am no doctor or therapist but I wonder what it is that ‘withered’ these girls/women in his life. Whether it was the drugs, or whether he was very comfortable being in a relationship where he got a certain role ‘caregiver/helper’ and when they took the meds, it took that away.

Or if he liked his partners with a particular mindset with low self-esteem and motivation, so he could help with that, and now he’s worried you’ll take that away from him.

swisscheesyboi −  You should take the anti depressants. Your mood will probably change but hopefully and probably for the better. You can let him know you don’t have to take them forever, but just to get you out of depression and into a state of mind where you can succeed and be happy without it.