My [20f] girlfriend [21f] is likely being kicked out of our university soon. She wants to know our relationship will be okay and I do not know what to tell her.

A Redditor opened up about a difficult situation with their girlfriend of 18 months, who is on the brink of being expelled from university due to poor grades.

Despite loving her deeply, they are struggling with frustration over her lack of dedication to academics and uncertainty about the future of their relationship if her plans fall apart. Read the full story below to see how they’re grappling with love, responsibility, and personal growth.

‘ My [20f] girlfriend [21f] is likely being kicked out of our university soon. She wants to know our relationship will be okay and I do not know what to tell her.’

I am facing a dilemma with my girlfriend (“Sarah”) of approximately 18 months and would very much appreciate any advice you can give.
To begin with, she and I met last year, our Freshman year at University. Of course it was a time for chasing new things and meeting new people, and we met at orientation and fell for each other very hard.

Sarah has many, many great qualities. She is beautiful and lovely, she is very kind and attentive to me, and I do love her dearly. I have been happy with her for the time we have been together. One problem we have had is that I feel like I am noticeably more dedicated to my academics than she is.

I have maintained a high GPA and work hard for my grades, and I have not missed a class in the three semesters I have been here. Sarah is a little more interested in the social aspects of college. She tends to go out many nights of the week for drinks or to party (and has gotten a bit worse since turning 21).

She also has a habit of sleeping in in the morning and missing class. It’s common for her to stay in my dorm overnight, and I will frequently leave her in the morning just to come back from class a few hours later and find her still sleeping in bed.

I am not someone who will hover over her and nag her to go to class, so I try waking her up, but when she says she will handle herself, I leave her to it. Unfortunately, Sarah’s grades have not been great.

She was put onto academic probation after the Spring ’24 semester, and was informed that she has until the end of the current semester to raise her GPA to an acceptable level or she will be dismissed from university. Sarah did try at the beginning of this semester, and she had a strong start.

She was going to class, working on assignments, and of course I did what I could to help her. But her old habits began returning and her grades are suffering again. Over the last few weeks before leaving for Fall Break, she seemed to be getting frantic. She was constantly asking me to help her with assignments.

I have been doing my best, but she wasn’t really meeting standard and there was only so much I could do for her. Just before we left for break I had a sit down and tried to kindly tell her that it might be time to consider what she was going to do if she cannot return to University after Winter.

I think reality began setting in for her at that point. She cried on my shoulder and I was trying to comfort her, and she began asking me what was going to happen with us. I tried to tell her that for right now maybe she should focus on making a plan for herself and we can go from there, which I did mean sincerely.

She practically begged me to tell her that we would still be together, and at the time I reassured her that I did not intend to break up.
Over break she has been texting me some vague plans about getting a job in the same city as our University.

She has been talking a bit about staying some nights at my dorm and maybe getting an off-campus apartment together at some point. She is again asking me to promise her that we will stay together even if she is expelled.

But honestly, while I do love her, I’m having some doubts. I know she is having a hard time and I’m not trying to pile it on her, but to an extent I am angry at her. I did every reasonable thing I could to help her pass and I feel like she didn’t do everything she could to remain in college.

I don’t want to say it is her fault but, she didn’t get sick, or experience a tragedy. She partied and didn’t go to class and it annoys me that she is expecting me to accommodate the change to her life now. And while I feel like a total s**b, to some extent I feel like I am advancing in my life,

and I don’t know if I really want to commit to someone who is not doing that for right now. I still love her and want her to succeed, but it seems like she will be stuck for a bit, and I don’t want to be. Has anyone experienced something like this? Were you able to navigate it? Are Sarah and I doomed?

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

matchamagpie −  You guys are heading towards different stages of your life and you are realizing that you have different values, mindsets, and perspectives. It is very mature of you to realize you want something different out of a life partner.

You do not have to let her expulsion result in you being held hostage in a relationship that you no longer want. She needs to do some deep reflection on what she wants out of life. She may or may not be able to figure it out. You don’t have to be there to drag her to that place.

tossaway78701 −  If you can’t enthusiastically make plans then don’t.  

nyet-marionetka −  Why would you not say it is her fault? She didn’t go to class and didn’t do assignments, so she didn’t learn the material. That was due to choices she made. It’s not like she was going to every class and office hours and spending most of the weekends studying and still failed in spite of it.

She wasn’t putting basic amounts of effort into it. I would not promise her you will not break up. She didn’t apply herself in college, is she really going to apply herself at a job? Your paths are likely diverging.

Defiant_Sonnet −  I see a lot of binary responses, I see that you asked her what she is planning to do, but have you thought about asking her questions outside of your plans.  Asking if she is going to finish school or what she going to do is one thing,

but what about why are you partying so much or do you even like what you’re taking? As a former s**ew up in my 20s I did figure it out eventually with a lot of support.

spork_o_rama −  She is in a very different stage of life from you, with very different values and priorities. Frankly, if you don’t resent her already, you will start soon enough. It would be one thing if she decided college wasn’t for her,

picked a trade school or apprenticeship program, and dropped out at the end of a semester. But it’s an entirely different thing for her to drift aimlessly through life, partying and skipping class and trying to use you to cheat on her assignments.

She is going to be experiencing the consequences of her s**tty decisions for a long time, and you don’t need to be there suffering the consequences with her (lost earning potential, student debt with nothing to show for it, angry parents, trouble finding work, dead end jobs, etc.).

Basically, she’s going to drag you down. Do yourself a favor and make a clean break. She’s not sorry she behaved poorly and irresponsibly (including trying to cheat off you), she’s just sorry her choices have put her in a bad spot.

Let her experience natural consequences and maybe she’ll do better next time. But maybe not, especially since it sounds like she’s a borderline a**oholic, or at least a binge drinker.

ImpassionateGods001 −  You’re not a s**b. You’re simply realizing she’s not the person for you. I particularly wouldn’t date someone without goals and aspirations. Moreover, partying so much that they can’t be responsible and fulfill their obligations. It’s school now, but it translates to everything in life.

starktargaryen75 −  You’re different people, headed in different directions.

Same_Version_5216 −  **I don’t want to say it is her fault**. Whose fault is it then? Go ahead and say it, it is her fault. She chose to party it up when she should have been committed to her school work, and studies, this was a decision *she* made.

Then when they gave her another chance, she tried but also fucked around too much to make the grades. This is entirely on her, her responsibilities and her fault. Also, you don’t sound like a s**b at all.

You sound like you are someone trying to flourish into a responsible adult who is seeing some obvious red flags about the partner you are with. I would have reservations about this too, since it would be naive to assume that having a reckless disregard for college is the only thing she’s reckless and irresponsible about.

ancd −  Unfortunately she’s demonstrated a poor pattern of behaviour, even with a wake-up call. It’s completely fair to feel uncertain about a future with her based on what she’s shown you. Imagine the resentment of having to support someone emotionally and financially from the start of adulthood, just because they can’t prioritise.

It puts a huge dent in your own finances too. The way you’ve responded to her is admirable and it’s really up to her to make the effort to get her s**t together if she wants a chance at a future with you.

Far-Cup9063 −  You’re not being a s**b. You have every right to choose a partner on the same path as you, with similar goals. You haven’t dated very long. She is showing you who she really is. take another person’s advice and be careful about possibly getting her pregnant. Baby trapping is real.

Is it fair for the Redditor to question the relationship in light of their girlfriend’s choices, or should love outweigh frustration in this case? How would you balance personal goals with supporting a partner in a tough situation? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below!