My 19F Boyfriend 19M found out he has a baby. How would you proceed?

A Reddit user (19F) is grappling with a huge life change after her boyfriend (19M), whom she’s been with since they were 15, discovered that he’s the father of a baby from a brief separation between them. The paternity test confirmed he’s the father, and while she’s supportive, she’s struggling with the reality of becoming a stepmom at 19.

She’s unsure whether she can handle the responsibility, especially when her boyfriend is upset with her for expressing doubts about their future. Read the full story below to see how the user is coping with this life-altering situation and the decisions she faces…

‘ My 19F Boyfriend 19M found out he has a baby. How would you proceed?’

We’ve been together since we were 15, and our relationship has always been a big part of my life. At 18, I broke up with him due to some circumstances, and during that time apart, he slept with another girl.

Based on the timeline and what I know about pregnancy, I thought the chances of the baby being his were slim. I told him I’d support whatever decision he made if the situation turned out differently. Fast forward, and now we have the results—a paternity test confirmed he’s the father.

I’ve lived with him and his family since I was 16, and I have nowhere else to go. But the reality is hitting me hard: I don’t know if I’m ready to be a stepmom at 19. The part I can’t wrap my head around is that he said he used protection. I know condoms aren’t 100% effective, but something about this feels so unreal.

When I told him I’m unsure if I can stay and handle this, he got upset with me. He feels like I’m abandoning him, but I’m conflicted. I love him and want to be with him, but this isn’t the future I envisioned for myself.

What would you do in my situation? Am I being unfair for questioning my ability to take on this role so young, or is it okay to want time to figure out what I really want?

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

Lambsenglish −  Do not sign up to this at 19

Cosmic-Princesa −  You’re gonna support him no matter what???????? Girl, not worth it at all. You’re 19 , this is your get out of jail card. Don’t get stuck!

iMightMakeSense −  You thought initially you could handle it, but after some thought and time – you’re recognizing that you can’t. That’s fair. Really you need to prioritize time for yourself here to really think of you should continue this relationship. You will be respecting your own time and your partners. If it ends, it ends.

Condoms, well yea they aren’t fully 100% effective. The thing is, what is going back in time and solving this issue whether he used one or not going to do? What’s in-front of you is that he has a kid and you’re already fighting whether to stay or go…

Gloomy_Ruminant −  There’s a couple things going on in your post. You seem to be implying the baby can’t possibly be his with the commentary about the condom, etc. I can’t decide if you’re hoping this will all magically go away, or if you just want everyone to agree your boyfriend sucks for doing this to you.

So I will make it clear. A paternity test says the baby is your boyfriend’s. It doesn’t matter how improbable the sequence of events leading up to that fact were, he is the father and that won’t change.

Does your boyfriend s**k? Hard for us to say. You broke up, so he didn’t owe you fidelity. However, all of this doesn’t matter. You don’t want to be a stepmom. You’re 19 and you have nothing permanent tying you to this guy. Nothing stops you from washing your hands of this mess. You might love your boyfriend, but that doesn’t mean you’re right for each other. Leave now and go live your life.

Curious_Judgment_620 −  Don’t get tucked in at 19 raising someonene else kid. Also you’re not in any position to support a child if you’re both with his parents with nowhere to go, shows how irresponsible he is

Worried_2024 −  Can I ask why you live with him and his family? Do you have family, extended family or friends you can stay with?. Where did you stay when you broke up at 18? 

Oi_thats_mine −  Why are you living with him and his family? You shouldn’t be dealing with any of this at your age. I’m also concerned that you were in a s**ual relationship at 15, then move in with him at 16. That’s bizarre and if my son brought a girl home at 16, I think I’d have a heart attack. I wouldn’t sanction that under my roof.

AMCsTheWorkingDead −  Giiiirl, make like a French onion and DIP

FunnyEfficient1108 −  You’re young and you shouldn’t have to worry about being a stepmom at 19. Go to school, get a degree, travel, have fun w/ friends and find someone who was meant for you. This relationship has run its course and he has a responsibility that you are not ready to take on.

michaelpaoli −  Cut him loose, tell him to be a proper dad to his kid. … very slim chance, says he used a condom … yeah, right, he probably didn’t or couldn’t be bothered to use it properly. And he’s mad at you? No, just no, d**p him, he was the irresponsible one – tell him to be responsible for his kid.

You’re only 19, that’s way young to be taking on 18+ years of raising *somebody else’s kid* … no, just no. And you’re not even as step mom unless you adopt the kid – you’re just free childcare, etc. No adoption, no parental rights.

And that’s probably not even an option unless biomom is givin’ the kid up for adoption and biodad agrees. Of course if you adopt, you’re also financially responsible, e.g. you and bf break up, he gets custody, you get to pay 18 years of child support. You up for that?

Do you think the user is being unfair for questioning her ability to handle becoming a stepmom so young, or is it understandable that she needs time to process this unexpected situation? How would you navigate a relationship where a partner is suddenly a parent, especially at such a young age? Share your thoughts and advice below!