My [15M] dad [47M] remarried and I’ve lost everything I had to my new step siblings [16F-11M-10M] who treat me horribly

A 15-year-old Reddit user is struggling with his father’s recent remarriage. His stepmother and her three kids have moved into their home, and he feels like he has lost everything — his room, personal belongings, time with his dad, and respect from his new step-siblings. He feels like an outsider and has trouble finding a way to express his frustrations or improve his situation. The user is seeking advice on how to navigate this difficult situation.

‘ My [15M] dad [47M] remarried and I’ve lost everything I had to my new step siblings [16F-11M-10M] who treat me horribly’

My dad married my step mother 3 months ago and I feel like it made my life significantly harder and less pleasant. They moved in with us and for the indefinite future this situation will not change. We have a 3 bedroom house and before they moved in, my dad and I had our rooms (both with bathrooms) and there was a smaller room which was a study for my dad.

After they moved in, Jenny [16F, turning 17 next month] got my room, and I had to share the smaller room with Tom [11M] and Mike [10M]. All my books, my telescope, my stuff are packed and in the basement now since there’s no space anymore. This made me real angry but my dad told me that I have to be a team player and this is what him and his wife agreed on.

Jenny treats me like s**t. She sometimes acts as if I’m not there at all, and sometimes is super aggressive and hostile towards me. The other I asked Tom to stop going through my things and she became so angry that “I have no right to order her brother around”, she told me to get it in my thick scull that I’m not their big brother to tell them what to do, even though all I asked was for them to stop going through my things. She said it’s best if I don’t talk to them at all since that way they will get less influence from a weirdo like me.

What I don’t get is that if she’s so concerned that I might leave a bad influence on Tom and Mike why doesn’t she take them into her room?

Tom and Mike don’t respect any boundaries. They’re always through my stuff. I have a watch which was a gift from my mother (she died of cancer) and they took it from my drawer and lost it. I found it weeks later in the basement with its front glass broken. Before they moved in I used to get a $100 allowance every month. Now Jenny gets $75, I get $35 and Tom and Mike each get $30. I had an Xbox but these kids broke it down.

I used to spend a lot of time with my dad. He used to come see me play basketball almost every week, he hasn’t done it even once in the past three months since he’s always working overtime. We eat out once a week and none of them in these three months have been to any of my favorite places, but Jenny, Tom and Mike have each chosen their favorites more than once.

I complained about all of it to my father last week and he told me that family is all about sacrifices, and I have to make mine. Haven’t I made enough sacrifices already? I feel like I’m the only one making sacrifices. I looked forward to them moving in here but I now feel like an outsider at home, it’s not my home anymore.

Life has become very difficult for me. I spend as much time as I can outside because inside is so frustrating but this is causing problems as well. My dad keeps telling me that not being around means I’m not accepting them as part of the family while in reality it’s the opposite. So I get grounded for not being around, and being around is horrible.

I don’t want to live here anymore but I’m only 15 and can’t move out. I have nobody else who can take me in. I can’t stay here for 3 more years. I’ll go crazy. I often fantasize about running away at night but I know that’s also as horrible if not even more. I don’t know what to do. Can anyone give me a suggestion? Tl;dr: Father remarried and his wife and three kids moved in. They’ve taken over my room, my things, my space, my budget and treat me horribly. I feel frustrated and very unhappy here. I don’t know what to do to make my life a little easier.

These are the responses from Reddit users:

parasitic_spin −  Your dad is totally screwing this up. If he thinks you all are on a team, and he is the leader, he needs to remember that a leader: 1. Makes sure every person on the team is valued;. 2. Enforces rules fairly; 3. Solves problems instead of issuing judgement.
OP, what outside adult can you talk with to be your advocate? This is b**lshit.

Darkosaurus −  First of all: who came up with the stupid idea of giving three people the smaller room and your step sister the larger one? Your father really needs to get his mind straight. Yes, you have to make some sacrifices, but so do the other children! He does not want to discipline them though to look good in front of your step mum, but that needs to stop.

Did you tell him about the watch? Breaking such an important piece of memory is extremely rude. Try to stand up for yourself as well as you can and call them out on their behaviour. Maybe your step mother will finally start to say something.. EDIT: spelling; also — start to EDIT 2: Apart from that, the age gap of one year to your step sister justifies a 40$ difference, whereas the 4/5 year age gap to your step brother justifies a 5$ difference?!

pacachan −  I’m not sure where your dad and stepmom’s logic is in giving Jenny the larger room and shoving three boys in a smaller bedroom.. or cutting your allowance to $35 and still giving Jenny $75. However, I doubt your father is going to respond to complaining about these because he’ll just come back with the whole “you have to sacrifice” thing.

What he might respond to is you telling him you feel uncomfortable in your own home and like you’re losing your family. If your dad expects you to bond with your stepsiblings he is the one responsible for facilitating it.

Tell him everything about Jenny’s behavior, how they constantly break things of yours without consequences (watch from mother, Xbox, all that), that you feel like you don’t get as much time together, like your opinions matter less in dinner/everything else- I really don’t see how any dad could ground you after understanding why you’re out of the house so much. I feel so badly for you, if talking to him doesn’t work maybe you need to give him a letter with everything laid out like in this thread so he can’t cut you off in the middle of explaining. If all else fails I hope you get a scholarship to somewhere far away.

semimedium −  I wish someone would tell your dad that just because he’s f**king some lady and married her, does not make her kids your family. You are sacrificing for his benefit, none of your own. My only advice is to ask your father why one person gets the big room and three people have to share the little one. Ask him why you had to make all these sacrifices but none of her children did. Ask him why it’s alright for these other kids to break gifts from your dead mother.

Ask your father when he decided that his s** life was more important that his only child who lost his only mother. Tell him you dream about running away, that you think at this point a life of surfing couches seems more appealing than this life. Tell him he has created a situation where all his only son thinks about is how soon he can escape and never look back.. Drop a giant honesty bomb.

And make sure to write everything you want to say down. Read it out to him. That way he a)knows you thought about it and aren’t shooting from the hip, and b) if he interrupts you, you can pick right back up where you left off.

Callyentay −  Is there any way the basement can be fixed up enough for you to have your own room down there?

OliviaPresteign −  It sounds like Jenny is the biggest problem. If she’s 17, is the plan for her to move out soon? Maybe you can talk to your dad about getting your own room and having the two younger boys share.

InfiniteCobwebs −  Your dad is not really listening or seeing how he is bungling the merging of two families. Here’s what you can try to address immediately:

• Ask your dad if he can make up a rotating schedule to post on the refrigerator of who gets to choose where to eat out. Explain you know it’s a special treat to go out to eat and everyone gets excited when they know they get to choose.
  
• Ask your dad this, “What are we going to do about the expensive or non-replaceable item like the xbox or the watch?”
  
• Ask your dad if he can set aside one day every other week so he can watch you play basketball. Let him know you miss his presence and feel lonely and left out and miss the one on one time you used to have.
  
• Talk to your dad one on one on a daily basis. Ask him if he has 15 minutes he can give to you daily so you can talk about anything and everything.
  
• Ask your dad if you can have a private space/time for you to do private things.Here’s what you can try with your step-siblings:
• If Jenny brings up you talking or chastising Tom and Mike again, don’t get into an argument with her. State that you have a right to not have your stuff messed with and then close your door or walk away. This one is hard; but while you don’t give in, you also don’t want to engage with her. 
• Tom and Mike are unfortunately at the ages where they will go through your stuff. You can make it fun for all by showing them what things they can play with and what they can’t. And of the items they can’t, put them in a locked container that you buy (sorry) with your allowance.Things that you’re going to have to let go:
•  The allowance reduction and the unfairness of the split..
• The 3 kids to one room thing..

What you can do for yourself:

•  See if you can find a part-time job. Driving age is coming up and you’re going to want to have cash to buy a vehicle and pay for gas and insurance.
  
•  Take time with Tom and Mike and play basketball with them. Getting along better does mean you all have to get to know each other. If you can do it while doing something you like to do, it’s easier.
  
•  Not much you can do with Jenny. Be polite though.
  If you have any aunts/uncles on either side of your dad or mom to talk with, hit them up. Or your guidance counselor at school. It really does help to talk all this out face to face with someone.

Jiggadeeholmes −  I’ll tell you exactly what to do. Study hard in school, get yourself a full academic scholarship and move out in a few years when you graduate. Your dad probably has self worth issues, married to not be alone and unfortunatley anything you say will glance off him right now because his hands are tied.

godlessgamergirl −  Send your Dad a link to this thread, so he can see what other adults and parents think about how he is letting his son be treated. If he won’t listen to you, maybe reading some of these responses will shame him into acting like a Dad and protecting you instead of letting you get thrown to the wolves.

spyro86 −  Seriously talk to other family members about moving in with them. Tell your father it’s obvious that he has chosen his new family over you. Is it because you’re a reminder of your mother? Tell him how they act and talk to you when he isn’t around. How he hasn’t sacrificed anything, only Gained a partner who puts the needs of her children above you and your needs at any cost. How disrespectful they are and how they mention you aren’t family.