Muslim guy [22M] whom I [22F] multiply rejected over the years writes to my friends to find out about my virginity

A Reddit user (22F) has been repeatedly pursued by a guy (22M) over the years despite rejecting his advances multiple times. After blocking him on social media, the user was shocked to find that he had contacted her friends, asking personal questions about her virginity and relationships.

After confronting him, he denied his actions, which the user finds unsettling. Feeling both angry and scared, the user is seeking advice on how to handle this invasion of privacy and potential threat to her safety. Read the original story below…

‘ Muslim guy [22M] whom I [22F] multiply rejected over the years writes to my friends to find out about my virginity’

We have been attending the same university over the last 6 years and share a lot of common friends. During the first year of uni, he has asked me out and I declined. During the years, I have tried my best to stay away (as much as possible), however, he interpreted every accident glance as my approval of his advances. I guess, in total, I had to decline him about 10 times or so.

However, during last summer I had made a mistake by replying him on one of his messages (just asking how I am). We have talked a little, and that’s all. Soon after I had stumbled upon him near my house. I confronted him again, he denied following me. After that I told him to stay away and blocked him in all social media.

It all has been silent until last month. Two weeks ago my best friend told me he wrote her, directly asking her if I have ever been in a physical relationship with a man. She didn’t answer him except asking why on earth does he want to know such personal information. He did not reply. Today he wrote to her again, demanding a link to my (hypothetical) boyfriend’ profile.

I lost my wits, wrote to him again, telling him to leave me and my friends in peace. He denied writing to my best friend, which is absolutely foolish. I have ranted and once again blocked him. However, I do not believe this is the end.

I am angry at such intrusion in my personal life and a little scared for my safety. I mentioned his religion because he came to our city from southern regions with very “tradiotional” views upon marriage and female consent. He never seemed dangerous or violent in university, just a little slow to understand.. ​. What am I to do?.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

[Reddit User] −  So there’s a lot of good advice on this thread (and some bad ones as well). I’ll just reiterate a few of them and why (I think that) you should do it. * First block him and DO NOT contact him in any form. If he’s comes near you at your apartment or university, tell him to back away in a LOUD voice that draws attention. Tell him that you’ve told him not to stalk you and to back away.

You might not like this approach because it draws attention… this is the wrong attitude. You do want to draw attention to you. Why? You want people to come help you, or at the very least look at him and REMEMBER HIS FACE! He will not want to f**k with you if he has public attention. * Ask your friend to take screenshots and backups of all her conversations with him and to send it to you. Do the same with yours. THIS is important!

* Talk to your department and tell them that he’s stalking you and is trying to force himself on you. You can provide the screenshots as evidence. They probably can’t do anything if he hasn’t broken any uni rules. That is fine! You just want them to have a record of your fears on paper. Then go to HIS department and tell them the same thing (and provide proof). You want a record of you having voiced your concerns.

* Mass notify every one in your friend and acquaintance group about him stalking you and ask them to never give him info about you. If they haven’t heard from you in a while, they are to contact the police and/or department immediately. Tell them that the department has this matter on record. * I’ll leave it to your judgement whether you want to contact the police or not.

So why am I telling you all these steps. I’m from India, and once upon a time my friend had a similar situation happen to her. There was a creep who stalked her and she was genuinely scared that she would end up kidnapped and raped. These were the steps we took to try and protect her, along with making sure that she was never alone for a month or so.

We made her tell her profs, her classmates, anyone we could trust. For the rest of the year, somebody or the other had an eye out for her. Guys like him might not respect women or treat us like garbage, but they DO NOT WANT attention bought to them. They know that they’ll get into trouble if there’s any sign of a**ault or kidnapping and they don’t want to mess with that.

They pick on targets that they can get away bullying, not someone loud and attention-seeking. My friend’s stalker sent some angry messages to all of us, but he and his friends stayed the hell away from us after we brought everyone’s attention to him.

It sucked for her to be recognised by random strangers who had heard of her predicament but it all helped out in the end. All the best for you. Make sure you tell your friends. They will help you.

[Reddit User] −  If he’s as traditional as you say he is, could you get your dad or someone acting as your dad, or your brother to tell him to step off? Have a male friend act as “your boyfriend”? For the sake of time, you’re cannot not going to get him to accept female autonomy quickly. If you want him gone this might be a way to speak his language.

Calicartel −  Tell the police before this clown tries to kill you

NewAddendum4 −  Coming from a Muslim Guy, our culture is Keen on keeping a virgin bloodline. That being said, I would go to his FB profile, find his sister or mother, and speak to them about his actions. They may give you s**t at first, but they will give him the most s**t later and force him to end it

[Reddit User] −  This is terrifying. He clearly has zero boundaries and already perceives you and your potential virginity as his. I’m not sure how things work in countries outside the states, but this absolutely merits a restraining order.

Parking_Willow −  I’m from a half Muslim family. He shows all the red flags. He thinks lowly of women and the chance of him jumping to violence is realistic.. I don’t care if I get downvoted. OP please go to the police and make a serious case.

Don’t listen to anyone that tries to justify or minimize his behaviour. If he behaved the way you say, the chance of violence is not uncommon. It’s not a small cultural misunderstanding or an innocent boy who just needs to be explained that women have self-agency here.

YazanQT −  Mhm where are you from?

costa_Rica_mama_mia −  Go to the police, this is harrassment and you can get a restraining order. He is a stalker and needs to get the message.

YouShotMelanieYUP −  You’re in Russia? Have him beaten up.

BananaTea28 −  Tell his mum or sister… as a fellow Muslim, no self-respecting parent would allow this sort of a**orrent behaviour. I am sorry about this.. ​. He cannot take a hint.

When someone continually disregards your boundaries, it can leave you feeling violated and unsafe. What steps would you take to protect your privacy and safety while dealing with such persistent behavior? Share your thoughts and advice below—how can the user regain her peace of mind?