I(28M) found out about my gf’s(28F) affair with her boss(40’sM) a week ago. Should I confront her before I leave?

A Reddit user shared their heartbreak after discovering their girlfriend of 5 years has been having an affair with her boss. The affair had ended but recently resumed through text, with plans to meet one last time. While the user initially planned a future with her, they now feel betrayed and have decided to leave the relationship without confrontation. They’re unsure if walking away without explanation is the right choice or if they should discuss the situation before leaving.

‘ I(28M) found out about my gf’s(28F) affair with her boss(40’sM) a week ago. Should I confront her before I leave?’

We have been together for 5yrs now and I was saving up money for a house and a wedding, but all that’s gone now. I go for a run every morning and I couldn’t find my phone. I asked her to give my cell a call, but she wanted to go back to sleep and handed her phone to me. I always had some suspicions about her behavior the past few months and so I snooped.

Let’s just say all her business trips and late nights were all excuses for hooking up with her boss who is also a married man btw. I don’t know when it all started but from the texts, it seems like everyday and all over the office. The lockdown stopped it and the wife found out about the affair as well. So the boss had to put an end to it.

This also explained why gf was incredibly sensitive during March. I often found her bawling her eyes out but the reason she gave me was one of her friend’s mom passed away due to covid.
Last few months has actually been good for us. I was happy spending so much time with her. And it all seemed well. We also had talks about marriage and children and what our future may look like.

She also seemed more invested in the relationship compared to earlier this year. I had already started saving up for the house already, but due to covid I had to take a pay cut. So, I began looking for new jobs since last month. I have narrowed it down to two job offers.

One in the same city with a substantial increase in pay and the other on the west coast with a gigantic increase in salary with probably the best company out there in my field. I haven’t told her about the offers yet as the negotiations are still ongoing. However, this was all last week. Since gf has started working remotely, she has had limited contact with her boss.

But their conversations started again at the beginning of this month. At first, it was all about how much they both regret about what they had done to their respective partners, about how he has to put a lot of effort into regaining his wife’s trust and yada yada yada.

Then the tone shifted in the second week and it was all about how they still had feelings for each other but it has to stop. She also mentioned that she was looking forward to getting married to me and how it would break my heart if I got to know about the cheating.

Anyways, all that texting lead them to decide to meet up for one last time and then end it between them once and for all. I found out about all of this last friday and they are planning to meet up this weekend. Btw she told me she is going to go and help out her friend who is moving back to her hometown this weekend.

When I first read through everything, I just couldn’t move from the sofa for an hour. It was as if my body weighed a ton. I started imagining them having s** and making fun of me behind my back and all kind of s**t was going through my head. Last week was hell for me. Looking at her all excited about the weekend made it all worse.

Anyways, I am packing up everything tomorrow while she is out. I am heading back to my parents. I have not told them anything yet. Rather, I have not said anything to anybody. I have kept it all inside me and its getting bad. That’s why I am writing this because I’ll go mad if I don’t. I plan to take up the job on the west coast.

It’s going to be remote for a while anyways, so it doesn’t matter much. I am not planning on leaving anything behind, no letter, no text, no anything. I’ll block her as soon as I hit the road. I have spent this week fixing up all my finances and talking with my landlord. And now I’m just done. What I want to know is, am I doing the right thing? Should I talk it out with her?

Honestly, April and May was really good for us but I don’t think I’ll be able to trust her anymore. It was really hard even looking at her face while talking to her the past few days. I just want it over with. It’s just that she really looked forward to a life together and I feel bad that this relationship has gone south.

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

[Reddit User] −  You owe her nothing. If she cheated once it’s an easy bet that she will cheat again. You may want to reach out to this guys wife to give her a heads up. Chances are he could have been lying to your GF about his wife finding out. She should know something is up. I sorry this happened to you. Please consider talking to a counselor for your own mental health. There are online options available.. Take care of yourself.

misstiff1971 −  Can you get ahold of his wife? She deserves to know as well. Let her take him to the cleaners.. ​ Move forward and be happy. You are going to find an amazing woman who will appreciate you. Your career will flourish.

Noononsense −  You are doing it perfectly. A nice touch would be printed copies of the proof you have. Just leave them on the kitchen table. Text messages or whatever else you have. Don’t communicate with her at all. Give her all the respect she gave you which was none.

MediumFast −  you done good son. don’t look back.

[Reddit User] −  Leave without a trace man, there’s no point in confronting her because of the amount of respect she has for you which is none. Who the f**k says let’s do it one last time then its over. You know how fucked up that sounds bro. That’s like her living in her own world.

Also comforting that mess is only going to affect you, you said it yourself, you don’t know where your emotions is gonna take you if it gets into a shouting match. What you should do is consider therapy after this and block her on everything. Just know you gotta heal from this before getting into another relationship.

She’s in for a big f**king surprise when she gets back home. That same line “ Let’s do it one more time then it’s over” her whole life is gonna turn upside down. This is karma. Anyways dude look out for yourself, she doesn’t deserve any respect from you. Take that west coast job and I think this is a time for you to be free and explore things about yourself.

Try new hobby’s start to spend time with you before u get into a relationship. And also remember it’s not your fault that she cheated so don’t think you need to fix anything, cheaters are always cheaters. The fact she’s so nonchalant about it and like she thinks nobody will find out and how she wants to have s** with her boss and then get married with u.. smh it’s sad.

Hope you take care of yourself after this bro. Once u get to your parents, tell your friends what happened and all that but from there I wouldn’t even contact her. The text messages man are so disrespectful to you. Just go into therapy if you can and explore some things you might not have before.

It’s hard when we hold all this in internally. It hurts a lot too which is why we tend to avoid it and suffer but it’s the route you should go. Going within addressing your feelings, you may cry or any feeling may arise, just let it all out. You don’t deserve this and it sucks it happened to you but just know you aren’t the problem! Hope you get through this situation!

AlossFoo −  There was a similar situation that took place on this sub a while back. The guy ended up telling his cheating gf to meet him for a special trip like 7 hours away from their place and to call when she arrived at X location. Upon arrival she calls and he informs her he knows she cheated and its over. She then had to drive 7 hours home.. I thought that was funny af.

the_last_basselope −  Only talk to her if you think you need it for your own sense of closure, but don’t just ghost her because then she will be calling your family and friends trying to find you and it’s unfair to involve them in this. At least leave a note, even if it’s only something like “Have fun with your boss. Never contact me again.”

ZeusTheSeductivEagle −  keep a cool head.. get your situation in order.. if it were me and there was nothing left for me where you are.. take the west coast offer. But you have friends and family then make your pick. What I did and I dont regret it… I got everything down to my conversation with the landlord and when I got my opening. My stuff was out and I was gone.

If you take that west coast job… i would find enjoyment in leaving no trace behind. Leave a note if you wish but definitely dont stay and I’ve never seen much gratification in knowing why… because it will be a load of horse s**t anyways.

crossy1686 −  If you want to really f**k with her just leave and never speak to her again. All this leaving her notes and confronting her is just going to give her closure on the situation. She isn’t stupid, she’ll know exactly why you’ve left and she’ll have to spend the rest of her life thinking about how much you knew, or maybe you didn’t know and had just had enough of her?

If you confront her and get angry she’ll just cry, apologise and ask for forgiveness. You don’t want to have to go through all that, believe me.

BloodLady −  The last few months may have been great because she feels guilty. I think the main thing here is she is ok with keeping this from you, even if it’s over. I’d wonder if she’s planning to do it again. I would confront her and tell her she crossed a line and you deserve better.

Do you think the user should leave without a word, or would confronting their partner provide the closure they need? How would you navigate a betrayal like this? Share your thoughts and advice below!