I broke up with my boyfriend and now I feel like I overreacted

A Redditor shared the emotional journey of breaking up with their boyfriend after 1.5 years of being together, feeling torn between the fear of overreacting and the frustration of unmet expectations.

With miscommunications, unresolved anxieties, and unkept promises piling up, they finally decided to end the relationship but now question their decision. Read the full story below for the nuanced details of their dilemma.

‘ I broke up with my boyfriend and now I feel like I overreacted’

I (28F) broke up with my boyfriend (29M) the other day, and now I feel at fault. We were together for 1.5 years, and he works in another city. He always told me he wanted us to visit the city where he works because he wanted me to see another part of his life.

However, every time he organized for us to go, he would change the plans at the last minute, and we never ended up going. This happened at least a dozen times. I’m a really anxious person, and I started to think he might be cheating on me or hiding something.

I talked to him about these fears, but he dismissed me in a passive-aggressive way. The other day, he finally told me he was scared to take me to this city because he had been a victim of stalking in the past and was afraid something might happen.

We fought because I told him that for a year, he had made me feel paranoid and bad for thinking he might be cheating on me, yet he never provided any explanation for his actions. I told him I didn’t expect him to tell me everything if he didn’t feel comfortable, but at least some explanation would have helped.

He accused me of not being empathetic with his trauma, but I never dismissed it, however I told him that not giving me any sort of explanation lead me to think that I was the problem for having this thoughts about him,

and he knew that they made me feel terrible because I love him and having this thoughts made me feel guilty, but he never told me anything. Despite this, I told him I was willing to give him another chance. However, at the last minute, he changed plans yet again, and I felt like he was taking me for granted.

He became angry, insisting that the plans wouldn’t have fallen through, but I couldn’t be certain because of the pattern we had. Now, I feel like I may have overreacted, but at the same time, I keep reminding myself that I gave him many opportunities to improve. He knew how much this meant to me, yet the situation never changed.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

SelkiePersephone −  This is all sorts of red flags. Go no contact. He would have not changed plans last minute every single time if he really cared for you and he would have been more communicative. Communication in a relationship is crucial for staying together. He sounds so fishy!

MomsSpecialFriend −  “I have a stalker” is actually a pretty common defense for cheaters.

degeneratescholar −  He dates you for over a year and never mentions being stalked? The stalker never followed him when he went to visit you? Seems more likely he has a whole other life that he doesn’t want you to know about.. Good riddance.

purpleroller −  He has a partner in the city he works in.

meggie_mischief −  You didn’t overreact, whatever reason he has for not telling you about a stalker (smells fishy); he also basically admitted to g**lighting you for _months_.

There was a reason plans always fell through but he tried to make it seem like it was all in your head. Also, assuming the stalker story is real, not telling you would put you in more danger, not less. He’s definitely hiding something or someone.

xxritualhowelsxx −  After so many cancellations, I would’ve showed up at his job with lunch for the both of us and said I got tired of waiting and wanted to see the city he worked in myself. I think you made the right choice. His actions are suspicious

Zoopetiz −  Actual stalking victims will TELL you when you start dating “Hey I have a stalker, they might try to contact you,” etc. He’s lying, his story isn’t adding up and he’s deflecting by making you feel guilty for questioning his “trauma.”

Carmelioz −  You’re not overreacting. He’s lying to you 100% and you still don’t know the truth.. Most likely cheating but who knows

ludakristen −  He’s telling you he has a stalker so that when you inevitably run into his wife or girlfriend in the other state and she says something like, “WHY ARE YOU SLEEPING WITH MY HUSBAND?” he can dismiss her as crazy to you.

AproposofNothing35 −  I have unfortunately been through a similar situation. He’s lying to you. It took me an incredibly long time to get over him. Here’s what helped me. 1.) I accepted I had been lied to and used. 2.)

I treated my desire for him as an addiction and went no contact. I recommend reading books about abuse patterns so you can validate what you just experienced and learn about abuse so you don’t go through it again.

The number one sign of abuse is confusion. They do it on purpose. Read The 48 Laws of Power or just google what the laws are. He was pulling power moves on you, learn about these power moves so no one can do it again.

Do you think the Reddit user’s decision to break up was justified given the repeated disappointments and lack of communication, or could there have been a better resolution? How would you handle such recurring issues in a long-term relationship? Share your thoughts below!