I (42m) left my wife (42f) after she kept making comments about me not being manly enough and not sure I did the right thing?

A Redditor shares his struggle after leaving his wife of 24 years due to her repeated comments about his lack of “manliness.” Despite being physically fit, capable, and self-assured, she criticized his hobbies, music preferences, and approach to conflict.

He’s been feeling happier and more relaxed since the separation, but doubts whether he did the right thing and fears being alone forever. Read the original story below for more context.

‘ I (42m) left my wife (42f) after she kept making comments about me not being manly enough and not sure I did the right thing? ‘

We’d been together since we were 18. She was my first everything where as she’d been with a few people before me. We have an 18 year old daughter together who is and amazing brilliant and kind person, I couldn’t have asked for a better kid.

The last few years my wife has been making the odd comment about my manliness etc and I’ve just brushed it off but she’s really stepped it up the last year and I ended up leaving her about three months ago over it.

I don’t want this to sound like a humble brag but I do think I’m quite “manly” while also just being a normal person. I’m tall, workout a few times a week, I can do any DIY around the house, I can fix cars, i used to be an amateur boxer and cage fighter and still do it as a hobby to keep fit.

The things she said that aren’t manly about me are:. I like to bake. I like to cook, I don’t drink, I don’t care if other people do it’s just not for me. I like Taylor Swift, Charlie XCX, Arianna Grande, Sabrina Carpenter etc.

my main choice in music will always be rap but having a teenager daughter these sort of artists get played and I like some of their songs so I listen to them. I don’t see that as a bad thing. I have a powerful car and a motorbike but my preferred method of transport is a VW Up.

It’s a small car with a little engine but if it’s just me and my gym bag or work bag I don’t see the problem plus I’m not one of them who feels like a car someone drives means anything. My ex wife disagreed and said I give off a certain vibe in it.

I tend to walk away from arguments with strangers. She perceives any slight as personal insult. If you cut in front of her in traffic she’s leaning on the horn, don’t say thank you if you hold a door open, she’s screaming and shouting at you. I just prefer to let things slide.

An example is someone was being obnoxious to me on a night out for no reason. He was in my face calling me all sorts of names and even pushed me a couple of times. I just smiled at him and walked away saying I hope he gets home safely.

When we got home she said I embarrassed her in front of her friends by letting him talk to me like that. I said what’s the point of me knocking out a drunk kid who’s half my size. She said I’m a doormat for the world.

There’s a few other things mainly connected to stuff me and my daughter have in common around stupid social media videos. She said it’s like living with two teenage girls. In September I left her. I said I can’t be spoken to like this anymore and be belittled. It’s not fair. Even then she had a dig and said a real man would change.

She’s changed her tune since and said she’s willing to go to therapy both individual and couples and try and sort out her issues. I don’t know if the cuts from things she’s said are too deep though? Since I’ve left I’ve felt more relaxed and happier.

I don’t have to worry when I put a song on or want to bake a cake or cook something a bit different what would be said etc. At the same time though it’s scary as she’s all I’ve known and being alone and meeting new people scare the life out of me as I’ve never done that before.

Everything is telling me I’m on the right path now but I have a niggling doubt in my head that all those words she spoke about me are true and I am an annoying person that will be alone forever.

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

Lil_Big_Sis5 −  Do you know how many women would love to have a man who can fix things around the house, work on their cars, keeps himself in shape AND loves to cook and bake??

All of that and she’s mad because you aren’t out there trying to fight every person who looks at you wrong?? She’s insane lol. She definitely needs therapy to help her get rid of her toxic idea of masculinity, and you deserve somebody who appreciates the man you are.

tntdon −  Double down and commit to leaving. You’re happy and you don’t have young kids to worry about. Your soon to be ex should’ve corrected when you communicated how you felt.

Mueryk −  You literally said you are happier and more relaxed alone than when you were with her. Okay, so say you end up alone. Still an improvement over what you had. Don’t stay with her for your kid or because it’s what’s familiar, only do it if you truly want to be there.

And if you DO that, then set hard boundaries that aren’t negotiable and broadcast that prior to even trying counseling with her. Because she was belittling you and you deserve better than that. Maybe she can get there, but you and only you can decide if she is worth that effort and risk to you.

Priapism911 −  Op, what she doesn’t understand, it takes a man to be able to walk away and laugh off insults. It’s pretty easy to fight.
Don’t take her back. I feel bad for your daughter, her lack of being raised by a good woman.

I guess she was good at some point and just rotted away. Did she get any new friends that might have been whispering in her ear? Maybe seeing some dude whispering in her ear?

ContributionTricky65 −  There’s probably some underlying insecurity within herself that’s making her project this onto you. “Manliness” doesn’t really mean anything. She’s holding you to an arbitrary definition of what *she* thinks a man “should be”, but there’s really no answer to that.

You don’t have to prove yourself. This is her issue, not yours. I think it’s pretty “manly” to bond with your daughter, pursue hobbies that make you happy, and listen to your needs. She needs to know that you felt a weight off your shoulders without her frequent judgements if you’re going to try and make it work.

No_Client1841 −  Just know that you are going to shocked with how many women will want you now, you’re ex is going to have to live with making the biggest mistake of her life by devaluing someone that quite frankly some women dream of.

It sucks because you’ve spent most of you’re time with this person, could it be fixable possibly with a lot of therapy from her part, leaving her gave her the kick up the ass to appreciate what she had but if you feel the damage is too deep then that’s ok to.

It sounds like you’ve checked out. Dating world is scary but you’ll be ok. You deserve happiness at the end of the day and you’re wife wasn’t giving you that.

Taint-Taster −  She said you were a door mat for the world because you let a stranger talk to you like that and you didn’t do anything.
Well, she was treating you like a door mat and you did something about it. Shouldn’t she be proud?

bNoaht −  A real man wouldn’t be scared to meet new people. (I couldn’t help myself). But seriously, do what makes you happy. Life is short and not getting any longer. You will meet someone in no time and wonder why the hell you waited so long. Being alone aint all that bad either

thatkaratekid −  Damn your ex wife sucks. Obviously we are only hearing your side, but genuinely as a person who grew up without a dad, hearing how much you simply fell into enjoying your daughter’s music with no hesitation brought a tear to my eye.

You seem like the kind of dad I would have liked to have had, and would hope to be if ever the situation would arise. I’m only 7 years younger than you or I’d ask you to adopt me.

rEvVoMaNiAc −  There are two types of men in this world: big dogs and little dogs. You give major big dog energy. You listen to what you like, you drive what you like, you fix things, you can fight (but don’t), you can cook, and you’re unwilling to be a doormat. You’re a man’s man if I ever met one.

Up to you if you want to give her a second chance, though it seems to me your gut is giving you a clear signal as to what to do. But what she’s been saying about you is complete BS. As soon as word gets out that a dude like you is on the market, you will have ZERO issues attracting someone who will appreciate you for you.

It sounds like the constant belittling over aspects of your personality and interests was deeply hurtful, and your relief since the separation indicates that the environment may have been more stifling than you realized.

Do you think it’s possible to heal those wounds through therapy, or do you feel the emotional toll has been too much to overcome? Can you embrace your individuality without fear of being judged or alone? Share your thoughts below.