I (36m) feel like I’m not allowed to do anything (errands, etc) without my (34f) partner tagging along, and having to do extra stuff she wants to do. She says she “can’t trust me” on my own. How do I deal with that?

A 36-year-old man shared his frustration about feeling unable to do anything independently without his 34-year-old partner insisting on tagging along. While he values their time together, her need to accompany him on errands often results in prolonged outings and additional tasks, leaving him unable to complete his own projects.

Despite expressing his desire for some solo time to handle responsibilities, she insists on joining, citing a lack of trust. The user is seeking advice on how to navigate this dynamic without further straining their relationship.

‘ I (36m) feel like I’m not allowed to do anything (errands, etc) without my (34f) partner tagging along, and having to do extra stuff she wants to do. She says she “can’t trust me” on my own. How do I deal with that?’

Basically the title, but more information: We’ve been together for four years, living together for two-ish. We spend every evening and weekend together doing stuff. Occasionally she’ll go visit family by herself but that’s it. I don’t have family nearby, and very few other friends, but I can’t do anything, including errands or home improvement projects,

without her tagging along. Tried to go to the store yesterday for some supplies for a project, which turned into a four hour adventure because we just *had* to go to four other stores, get an oil change in her car, and go shopping for dinner. I couldn’t work on my project which put me in a sour mood which she then got upset about.

I have told her to do these things on her own, and have tried to tell her that I’m ok just running errands on my own, but she *has to* to with me and then suddenly remembers these things she has to do once we leave and gets upset with me if we don’t do them.

I just can’t deal with this anymore because I can’t get anything done, then she’s upset things don’t get done, and if I just work on getting things done anyway she gets upset that she was left out. I don’t know what to do anymore it’s just a bad situation.

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

Novel-Fun5552 −  If she actually doesn’t trust you to go to the store then the relationship isn’t salvageable. If she’s just c**ngy and finding excuses, then you need to be firmer. Sure, she can come with you, but you’re coming home right after, no matter her attitude.

If you’d rather go alone, you go alone. Stop bending to her unreasonable asks.  Basically if she freaks out over it, you’ll learn something. If she accepts it and agrees to work on it, then you can build up from there. 

Square-Minimum-6042 −  Have you tried just telling her no? Point out the pattern you just explained, and how it derails your plans. If she still tries to insist just refuse.

NDaveT −  Has she actually said she can’t trust you on your own? Because that’s fucked up.

Jarofkickass −  Leave her for someone that isn’t toxic

Ok_Introduction9466 −  If the tables were turned and you were the woman and she was the man, it would be a more obviously abusive situation. You’re isolated and not near friends and family, she accuses you of being untrustworthy for no reason, and doesn’t let you leave her sight.

Your relationship is unhealthy and I’m sure in the past four years you’ve told her several times you need space. This isn’t going to change and from here on out i would *highly* suggest you create an escape plan that involves you finding somewhere to live, moving your things out while she’s at work, and safely telling her the relationship is over from a distance.

You can make one final, last ditch effort to get her to understand and tell her this is a dealbreaker for you, but it sounds like the resentment has already settled in and her behavior is just going to go back to what it is now anyway. I want you to understand that you are being abused and this isn’t going to get better, the only real solution is to leave her.

Sledgehammer925 −  You might not realize it, but your GF is abusive towards you. You say she can’t trust you on your own? That’s insane jealousy. This pattern will only hold so long but then she’ll begin to hit you to keep you in line. When her hand is insufficient she will gradually begin holding things to hit you with.

The way she behaves now is a classic abuser tactic. It always escalates. You need to get out before this gets any worse. Once you free yourself you will forever be wary of the behavior. Ask me how I know.

Ticonderoga_Dixon −  There’s a bunch of reasons people would want to e around their partners, not trusting them to be alone is the worst reason. Trust is such a fundamental necessity to a successful relationship without it everything else is bound to fail . Just my opinion.

Jen5872 −  If she can’t trust you on your own then the relationship isn’t worth keeping. 

Typical_Nebula3227 −  Tell her straight up that you need a certain about of time alone. Most people require some alone time.

afirelullaby −  Bro you must be going insane without any alone time. She needs to find her own two feet and not need a man to go to the shops. I could not deal with this level of dependency. She sounds controlling and boring if she has no life and no ability to do her own life errands.