I [32M] got an e-mail from some woman about an affair my wife [31F] is having.

A Reddit user (male, 7 years in a relationship, 2 years married) is grappling with the shocking discovery that his wife may have been having an affair. He received an e-mail detailing the affair, including messages and interactions between his wife and another man, confirmed by the wife of the other man.

This news has shattered his trust and left him devastated. Despite a history of love, respect, and good communication in their marriage, the user now struggles with how to confront his wife and move forward. He is seeking advice on how to process the betrayal and rebuild trust, if possible.

‘ I [32M] got an e-mail from some woman about an affair my wife [31F] is having.’

My wife and I have been together for 7 years, married for 2. Everything in our relationship has been wonderful up until now. For the most part, we’ve had a strong and healthy marriage. We rarely fight or have any major arguments, and we’ve always been there for each other. I always thought we had something special, something that couldn’t be broken.

Our relationship has been full of love, respect, and trust. I honestly believed that everything was going well and that we were in a really good place, which is why I’m so shaken by what happened this morning. This morning, like every other day, I checked my e-mail. I don’t usually get a lot of messages, but today I saw an e-mail from someone I didn’t recognize.

It was a little strange, but I opened it, figuring it might be a mistake or something unrelated. To my shock, the e-mail contained some incredibly detailed information. The sender claimed that my wife was having an affair with another man. They described the affair in detail, including texts and e-mails exchanged between the two of them.

At first, I couldn’t believe it. It seemed so out of place, so impossible that this could be true. I thought there had to be some mistake or misunderstanding. But then, as if on cue, I logged into my Facebook account and saw a message from the same woman who had sent me the e-mail. Her message simply said, “Hey. I’m sorry but I have some bad news for you. Please check your e-mail.”

That was the moment when the shock truly set in. This woman wasn’t just some random person—it was the wife of the man my wife has been cheating on me with. The reality of what I was reading and hearing began to sink in, and I felt a rush of emotions that I can’t even begin to describe. I’ve spent the last few hours just trying to process it all.

My wife and I have always communicated well, and trust has been a cornerstone of our relationship. But this… this feels like a betrayal on a level I never imagined. I feel blindsided. I don’t know how to reconcile what I thought was a loving marriage with the reality of what I’ve just learned. I never expected this to happen. I never expected her to be the one to hurt me like this.

I don’t even know what to do next. Part of me wants to confront her immediately, but I don’t know if I’m ready to hear the truth or if I’ll be able to handle it. I keep going back and forth in my mind, wondering if this is just some kind of horrible mistake, but the more I think about it, the more everything seems to line up.

The betrayal cuts deep, and I don’t know how to move forward from here. How do you rebuild trust after something like this? How do you even begin to process the pain that comes with discovering something like this? I need advice from people who’ve been through something similar, who understand what this feels like.

I still can’t believe it’s happening. I never thought I’d find myself in this position, and right now, I feel lost and completely devastated. How do I even begin to approach this situation, and what are the next steps? Any advice or guidance would be greatly appreciated because I feel like my world has just been turned upside down.

Check out how the community responded:

kabfab −  trust, but verify

Falxen −  I didn’t find the advice I was looking for in here so I’ll add my own. You received some information. You need to cross check it now. Hopefully the record has date and time stamps. If they were text messages, check her phone. If it looks like messages were deleted, check the text records through the carrier to match up messages to that particular number.

Look for some evidence to back up the information you received. Do this *before* confronting her. You don’t want to go to her with just a he said she said in your pocket. You also don’t want to accuse her of this if it’s just some k**k f**king with you. Put some effort in yourself here. With regard to the lawyer… in most states and unless you’re particularly wealthy, it probably won’t do a ton for you.

Infidelity isn’t generally a factor in most divorces. Google around to see whether it is or not for your state. Do get an STD test done though. If you find corroborating evidence, when you approach her about it I’d recommend just asking questions.

SirKnightOfNew −  Confront the wife. Get the truth. Ask yourself if this is something you want to forgive and try to work through to save your marriage, or if you would prefer to get divorced.
Many people will just say, “lol, divorce the b**ch, delete facebook, lawyer up, hit the gym,” but only you can decide what’s right for you.

I know of at least 2 married couples in their 60’s where one of them had an affair in their younger days, and they decided to work through it, going on to be happy and loving for decades.. You must decide what you want. From your side of the story, you didn’t ask for this, you didn’t mistreat her, and you don’t deserve this. Sorry to hear it, but keep your chin up.

[Reddit User] −  lawyer up and stay strong. good luck to you.

oodlynoodles −  Screenshot and save everything, make sure the things/accounts you care about are secured away, and lawyer up after talking to your wife. Prepare for the worst but understand that (as unlikely as it may be) without talking to her there may be an explanation you’ve missed. Get as much information as you can. But it sounds like it should be over.

thosetwo −  A lot of people in these situations tell you to lawyer up, but rarely do they give you the other piece of advice you need…get tested for STDs. Edit: Also…check your state laws, but in some states (that have at fault divorce) if you “accept her back into the marriage bed” after being made aware of her a**ltery it can nullify her fault status…

luigisravioli −  People who are having affairs work hard at being good liars. You didn’t necessarily need to suspect anything for it to be happening.

funfor6 −  try to make sure it isn’t someone trying to break up your marriage by making stuff up before you call your wife a cheatin ho.

n2tattoos_lol −  hit the lawyer, delete the gym and Facebook up.