I (32F) purposefully ignored what my husband (34M) told me he wanted for father’s day, he’s now ignoring me and won’t accept my apologies. What can I do to make it up to him?

A 32-year-old woman is facing tension in her marriage after she intentionally ignored her husband’s (34M) request for a “free day” on Father’s Day, replicating what she felt was his disregard for her request on Mother’s Day. While he wanted a quiet day at home to game, she sent him and the kids out for a fun-filled day at the arcade instead. Now, he’s angry, refusing her apology, and it’s creating strain in their relationship. Read the full story below to understand the dynamics and how this miscommunication has unfolded.

‘ I (32F) purposefully ignored what my husband (34M) told me he wanted for father’s day, he’s now ignoring me and won’t accept my apologies. What can I do to make it up to him?’

Me and my husband have been together for the past 9 years, we have two kids, a 8 year old and a 6 year old. For mothers day all I wanted was a free day, I wanted my husband to take the kids out somewhere for the day so I could be home alone and relax. Instead he got me and the kids tickets to have a fun day out. And it was fun, and me and the kids had a good time but it irked me that he gave me the exact opposite of what I’d asked for.

For father’s day my husband also wanted a free day so he could stay home and game all day. He games all the time with his friends, he’ll get home from work, maybe spend the time between then and dinner with the kids before going up to his office to game for a few hours with friends.

Instead, I got him and the kids cards for an arcade an hour away with a ton of tokens. I gave him the cards during dinner on Saturday so he and the kids could leave early and spend all day playing with them.

I got my free day and he and the kids got to make a lot of memories together. He and I got into a fight when the kids went to bed, he was angry that I ignored what he wanted for Father’s day, I was angry he didn’t see that he’d done the same thing to me on mother’s day. He’s been ignoring me since and won’t accept my apologies.

TLDR: I ignored my husband’s wish to have a “Free day” of fathers day and got him and the kids a day out because he did the same thing to me on mother’s day and now he won’t stop ignoring me or accept my apologies.

Edit: Some people are thinking that me, my husband and our kids went out for Mother’s Day. We didn’t, I took the kids for a day out while he played video games all day with his friends.

Edit: I can’t believe I have to say this: **I do not hate, resent or in any other way dislike my children.** My point was not that going on a day out with them is terrible and I hate it. My point was that it really sucks asking for on thing and being given the opposite

These are the responses from Reddit users:

PracticalPrimrose −  Based your edit, sounds like you each got your gifts….just on the others holiday. If he really can’t see the see how these things are the same, I suggest you speak in smaller words and try again….because damn. He’s being deliberately obtuse.

miladyelle −  Make a graph.. Mother’s Day/Fathers day.. Wanted day off/wanted day off Did not receive day off/did not receive day off. Received day out with kids/Received day out with kids Spouse got day off/Spouse got day off. When you’re alone with him, hold it up, tell him to explain how it’s different. With facts and logic. Ask if the difference was, that **he** was happy on Mother’s Day, and unhappy on Father’s Day.

Once you’re able to get him talking, you’re also going to have to discuss how it’s not appropriate to give your spouse the silent treatment, on top of the Not-Coolness of him acting like he’s the only human being with feelings *that matter* in your marriage.

bad-acid −  There is no way he didn’t know what he was doing when he set up a day with you and the kids on Mother’s Day without him around. Or, I guess maybe he’s legitimately INSANE. I feel crazy reading these comments accusing you of resenting your kids or being a bad wife for getting petty.

Like yeah. It was petty. People get petty when they’re mistreated and taken advantage of. And now he’s lying to you and saying it’s not the same and not what he was trying to do? Please. Any husband with half a brain knows that Mother’s Day is a holiday the father/husband participates in actively.

Not just planning, or buying. But is *present.* With you, with the kids, trying to give you time off. It’s what he wanted for father’s day, he knew it’s what you wanted for mother’s day. Yeah it was petty. I would be petty, too, if my partner got me an obligation and got themselves a day of rest. You two need to talk it out, but he needs to own up to what he did.

oldcreaker −  Make up what to him? You got him basically what he got you. He got his “free day” on Mother’s day, you got your “free day” on Father’s day. You’re even.

arcxiii −  Tell him why you did what you did, admit that is was petty revenge and talk about why you can’t openly talk to him about your feelings. You should own up to making a bad situation worse and you know now two wrongs don’t make a right. I would probably ask him to start couples counseling together as this all sounds like you both have. a lot of built up resentment of each other.

SarcasticGuru13 −  Why are you apologizing? Bro is 34 and spends hours and hours playing video games. How about being with his wife and family? Holy s**t. He is mad at you but he did the same thing and it was done so he could play video games. He’s mad now because he planned on playing video games all day. I’m sorry, this dude needs to grow the f**k up.

[Reddit User] −  Obviously this is isn’t healthy, but truly you gave him the same energy back he gave you. And if I were in your shoes I would continue to give him the same energy back he’s currently giving you. Why does he feel justified in his anger when he legit did the same thing to you? I wouldn’t feel the need to apologize, but it seems couples counseling to work on communication is needed.

NotTrynaMakeWaves −  What did he do while you were on your Fun Day Out? Did he stay at home and play video games?. If so, then NTA.

Jen5872 −  If he’s giving you the silent treatment because he got the same gift he gave you then enjoy the silence. Pretend you don’t notice that he’s not speaking to you. People who do that do it because they want to manipulate you into begging them to talk to you. Don’t give him the response he wants or he will forever use this tactic over and over. If he says anything further about how he wanted a free day remind him he got exactly that on Mother’s Day.

Hoebaloeb_ −  That’s hilarious. I wouldn’t apologize at all. Tell him to come talk to you when he’s done being a p**s baby

Do you think the wife’s reaction was justified in response to her husband’s actions on Mother’s Day, or did she overstep by disregarding his wishes for Father’s Day? How would you approach a situation where a partner feels ignored in their special day celebrations? Share your thoughts and advice below.