I 30F got really drunk at a wedding and my 30M bf did something. Need to know if this is ok?

A woman shared a troubling experience from a wedding night where, after getting extremely intoxicated and blacking out, her boyfriend initiated sex with her while she was in a highly impaired state.

Although she remembers some parts of the encounter and did not stop him, she questions whether she was capable of giving meaningful consent at the time. The next day, her boyfriend seemed more focused on criticizing her level of intoxication than addressing the situation. Read the full account below for more details.

‘ I 30F got really drunk at a wedding and my 30M bf did something. Need to know if this is ok? ‘

So I was part of a wedding party and essentially from the morning until the reception at 6pm. There was no food. I was starving all day. Got to the reception and there still was barely enough food so I started drinking and ended up getting insanely plastered. My boyfriend showed up a little bit after I had gotten to the reception.

We stuck around there for a couple hours , but ultimately I ended up being way too hammered to stay there. He had to drive me home. On the way home I threw up three times and couldn’t eat or drink water because of how out of it I was. When we got to my place my boyfriend was quite upset.

Somehow I was able to walk my dog when we got home (barely…. Think I could only take him right outside the door before sitting down on the curb). This is just context for the state I was in. When we came back into my apartment. I changed out of the dress I was wearing and put on a baggy t shirt and immediately blacked out in bed.

My memory is spacey but at some point my boyfriend moved from sitting on the couch to lying beside me in bed. Not coddling me or checking in on me at all just sitting upright in bed. I remember him turning me over from being on my side and now on my back. He climbed on top of me and started h*ving s** with me.

I knew what was happening and I didn’t stop it but I also don’t think I had the power to do so if I wanted to because of how i**oxicated I was. I do remember that I took my shirt off while we were h*ving s** though … he ended up turning me around continued to do what he was doing.

Finished and then put his clothes on and said he was going to leave. He asked if I was going to walk him out but obviously I was so drunk I couldn’t and he just left. Left with my door unlocked and all. Didn’t even put water by my bedside. The next day he played it off like he was upset at how drunk I was and embarrassed us as a couple.

When I mentioned to him that we had s** by the end of the night so why does it matter …. He said that it’s because I kept asking him to come cuddle. I probably was asking him to come and cuddle but the flashbacks I’m having are a little bit alarming because of the state I was in.

Is something wrong with this situation and what he did or is it ok? We are in a relationship but I’m just in my head about if this is messed up or not. Any advice would be so helpful. Thanks.

These are the responses from Reddit users:

Ebbie45 −  You repeatedly threw up and were so drunk that he had to drive you home, yet he claims he “had s** with you because you kept asking him to come cuddle?” No healthy, safe partner would ever even consider or *think* of s**ual activity with someone they are supposed to love who is so drunk they are successively vomiting.

The fact, too, that he had to repeatedly physically move your body speaks volumes. This is not your fault. I won’t pressure you into identifying this as such, but this is rape. He took advantage of you when you were ill and vulnerable, when any normal partner would have taken care of you instead. This is not your fault and you did not deserve this.

miyahedi21 −  He was very angry with you for humiliating the both of you, so he chose to punish you by violating you… Him not leaving water for you, finishing on you and leaving your home door unlocked says it all. This man is dangerous. I wouldn’t continue seeing him if I were you.

mcshawtie −  One NYE, me and my boyfriend got home from clubbing and I threw up on his doorstep a bit so I was pretty drunk. He immediately got me water and wiped my face, then I kissed him and drunkenly asked if he wanted s**. He said he’d love to but not while I’d been drinking a lot.

Instead he got me changed into my comfies and got me comfortable on my side in case I threw up again. He wrapped his arms around me and spooned me the whole night while giving me sips of water and stroking my hair. We had known each other just less than two months at that point.

OP, if he cared about you, he’d show you. If he wanted to, he would. And what he wanted to do was take advantage of you and abandon you, he finished and left you, violated and unsafe. He wanted to and he did. He’s shown you who he is.

Icy_Knowledge3 −  This is not at all okay. I remember my gf getting blind drunk once. She threw up twice in the uber. Not only did I pay a $300 in cleaning fees, but I literally carried her home, gave her a shower, washer her hair as it had puke all over it lol.

Then changed her clothes, gave her electrolytes and woke up at 3.30am to make toasties for her. S** was last thing on my mind. I am not saying he should have done the same thing but some care, empathy would have helped. The s** part is just wrong. This man can’t be trusted.

anitarielleliphe −  This is messed up. It was in no way consensual, and he showed you absolutely no respect, love or consideration.

curlyq9702 −  What he did is absolutely Not ok!! As someone who’s been in a similar situation when I was younger, what he did was flat-out rape. There’s no explanation he can give that will make it ok. Asking him to cuddle is not asking him to have s** with you when you were obviously Not in any mental capacity to consent or even be coherent enough to stop him.

Would he have even Told you that y’all had s** if you hadn’t said anything, it would be have figured he got away with it & just planned on continuing to rape you every time you drank too much & couldn’t deny him.

NowhereWorldGhost −  He raped you and then left you completely vulnerable for anyone to come into your house while you were incapacitated. He is evil for that and you deserve so much more.

freyanjordsdaughter −  This is rape. He raped you. Don’t dance around it. You need to recognize it now so you get help NOW. Do not allow this relationship to continue. If he did it once, he WILL do it again. Call the police, call a friend, call a parent, call a coworker, call anyone you can trust and ask for their help. Also, please find a therapist, because you will need help processing what happened.

Fun-Significance4650 −  I cannot imagine my boyfriend doing something so vile and disgusting and criminal to me. This is NOT OK. Please please please please trust yourself on this. What he did was s**ually a**ault you. If you took him to court, you would have a case, and if it wasn’t for how s**tty the criminal justice system is towards rape victims, you would have a chance.

I am so sorry he did this to you. I am so sorry that he tried to turn it on you by saying it was because you asked to cuddle. You should get as far away from this man as possible. He does not love you.

He does not respect you as a human being and romantic partner. Someone who criminally assaults you does not love you. You deserve better than this. No one deserves this.

FalynnFromGrace −  Is this how you would treat someone you love, OP? What would you think if your best friend told you this had happened to them? Trust your gut! I’m so sorry this happened to you. ♡ You deserve genuine love and affection. He doesn’t seem capable of love.