I (29M) just spent another awkward holiday with my girlfriend’s (28F) rich family

A Redditor shared his experiences of spending awkward holidays with his girlfriend’s wealthy and dismissive family. Despite having a loving relationship with his girlfriend, the stark differences in values and the family’s condescension leave him questioning the future of their relationship. Read the original story below.

‘ I (29M) just spent another awkward holiday with my girlfriend’s (28F) rich family’

My girlfriend and I have been together almost 3 years. 99% of the time, we’re great. She’s funny and smart and we have a lot of shared interests. But every time we visit her family I start doubting everything.

They are very wealthy, which by itself is not a bad thing, but they’re also very fixated on being rich and have a habit of placing the monetary value of things (and people) over everything else. I come from a very middle class background. I have a good education and a decent career that I really enjoy, but I’m definitely not rich. Because of this, they view me as a l**er.

For example, yesterday we made the two-hour drive to her parents’ in my new-ish Honda. When we got there, her mom immediately ordered me to park the car behind the house so the neighbors wouldn’t see it. She was furious we didn’t bring GF’s Land Rover, which they bought for her as a birthday gift this year.

GF doesn’t like to drive on long trips and I’m not allowed to drive the Land Rover (per her parents) so we brought my Honda. GF’s dad has never spoken to me directly. Even when she introduced me the first time, he turned to her and said, “What does he do?” So we went in the house and I gave her dad the usual, “Hi, merry Christmas” and he gave me the usual disinterested glance.

One more example: Last year I made the mistake of bringing a bottle of wine. It was a $25 bottle, which was pricey for me, and I even had the wine store lady help me pick it out. GF’s mom told me to put it in the kitchen, they didn’t open it while we were there, and she later admitted to GF they’d re-gifted it to their housekeeper because it was “gas station hooch.”

We managed to get through the day yesterday without much drama except the car thing, which I’d normally consider a win. But today I keep thinking about the whole situation with her family and wondering if I’m really willing to deal with these people for the rest of my life.

GF and I have tossed around the possibility of getting married more than once but I know they’ll never accept me. If we get married I’ll have to see them a lot more than once a year. GF has given up trying to defend me to her parents and just ignores their b**lshit most of the time, but I can tell it bothers her too.

They bankroll a big chunk of her lifestyle and I think she’s worried they’ll cut her off if she pushes too hard (they’ve threatened to over other things).
So, not to sounds like an a**hole, but am I wasting my time? Is this relationship doomed?

GF always tells me she doesn’t care what her family thinks, but I’m not sure that’s true. She always tries to downplay how s**tty they are to me. But I know I’ll never be good enough for them, even if I’m good enough for her.

These are the responses from Reddit users:

Puglife555 −  The problem isn’t that they are rich, it’s that they are assholes.

[Reddit User] −  Your girlfriend needs to be able to live without her parents money before you consider marrying her. At the moment they are waiting you out, but probably do small things to undermine the relationship. They view you as the fun their daughter is having before she settles down for something real.

They probably exclude you from vacations they would take her on, or family events. When they take a family photo they probably ask you to take the photo. Wealthy parents use money to control their adult children, as they have no other avenue to do so and they are used to being in control of everything.

They get the kids addicted to nice things then make demands to continue the flow. Once they deem it serious they will work to prevent the marriage as they do not think you will be able to provide the lifestyle they want for her.

They will withdraw funding for her dream wedding, they’ll have legal documents drawn up detailing inheritance, divorce, child support, alimony, etc for the relationship. They’ll do anything they can to add stress to break it up, and they’ll be very good at it.

I grew up in a wealthy community, so I’ve met all sorts of rich people. Your girlfriends parents are the a**hole sort of rich people. With the importance of material goods they place and the way they act, I’d also wager they’re also probably not as wealthy as they want you to think they are.

[Reddit User] −  They sound like insufferable pricks. And if they bankroll your girlfriend, there’s no escaping them. She wouldn’t risk standing up to them because she’d lose her lifestyle. Sorry, but that would be a dealbreaker for me. It might be different if she wasn’t attached to their purse strings, but you will never be more important than their money.

[Reddit User] −  If your girlfriend can’t see how they treat you and do something about it, then I would reconsider the getting married part.. That money gap between you and her parents will always be there and I don’t see them changing unless your girlfriend confronts them.

[Reddit User] −  You don’t have a potential inlaw problem. You have a current GF problem. It’s her job to stand up to her family for the person she loves, being you. The fact that she doesn’t do this,

and allows them to continue to be awful to you, rather than risk **having to stand on her own two feet and be a self sustaining adult instead of sucking at the money tit**, says a lot about her as a person.

pringlesformingles −  The fact that an almost 30 yo woman is being bankrolled by her family is also a big yikes

abeazacha −  Your gf is 28yo, have a stable relationship for 3 years and yet daddy still paying for her stuff? This alone is a red flag for me; people often talk about mamma’s boy but ignore how equally stupid is grow ass women acting in the same way.

If she got her s**t together none of you would have to deal with their bs, but not only she apparently don’t do it but also focus her efforts on make their behavios look not that bad… that’s not a good sign OP.

Imagine a few years from now your MIL making you look like s**t in front of your children or FIL not even looking at your face but spoiling them with a s**t ton of expensive gifts you know you’ll never be able to buy for them. Cause if things keep like this, that’s exactly the future you’ll have.

My advice is have a talk and be honest about how you don’t see this situation getting better, how you honestly are tired of it and offer your support to her get on her own feet and have freedom; if she accepts the help you guys can make it work, if daddy’s money is too important you’ll know that this is a waste of your time.

addlepated −  I’m going to guess that her parents started out not-rich and the money’s fairly new. That’s why they’re so focused on appearances. Something to keep in mind – it’s not you, it’s them.

johngydude −  Japan’s princess Ayako married a shipping company employee and relinquished her royal status. She didn’t care of the money she would lose or what her family felt. She chose to love then to have material things. You mentioned her family is giving toward her and she’s stopped pushing back so it doesn’t hurt her finances in a way.

I think you should consider what princess Ayako did because in this case you are the shipping firm employee and she will inevitably have to decide whether to love you and let go of her princess status with her family or let you go and keep that royal status.

Blkgoldsun −  They are assholes and I’d bet money they aren’t nearly as rich as they pretend to be, because they are trying way too hard. I bet they are leveraged to the hilt in debt. Truly wealthy families I know do not hide cars behind their house or even dress well half the time.

Balancing love and familial expectations can be challenging, especially when values clash. Should he prioritize his love for his girlfriend or the long-term impact of her family’s disdain? Is a strong relationship enough to overcome external judgment, or would it ultimately take a toll? Share your thoughts below!

For those who want to read the sequel: https://aita.pics/FzFmp