I (26F) told my boyfriend (28M) about my a**sive ex and he became a**sive and thinks I should forgive him too since I forgave my ex. Am I the problem?

A 26-year-old woman shares a troubling experience with her boyfriend, where after opening up about the abuse she endured in her past relationship, her boyfriend became abusive. The woman explained how her ex had physically abused her and how she had forgiven him multiple times.

However, when her current boyfriend became physically aggressive during an argument, he justified his actions by comparing himself to her ex, saying that if she forgave her ex, she should forgive him too. Now, she is questioning if she is the problem in the relationship, feeling confused and trapped.

‘ I (26F) told my boyfriend (28M) about my a**sive ex and he became a**sive and thinks I should forgive him too since I forgave my ex. Am I the problem?’

I was with my boyfriend for 2 years, things were great and amazing. No real issues. I told him about my ex boyfriend who was physically a**sive. I told him the whole story including the times I forgave him but ultimately we obviously broke up.

I opened up about being a chronic people pleaser and struggling my whole life due to childhood trauma. I only told him because my ex requested to follow me on Instagram and I was acting strange the whole day because of it. It gave me some anxiety and he could tell.

We ended up staying awake until like 4 am talking. He was sad about it when I told him and said he would have never expected any of that. Well yeah I guess I don’t seem like a “victim”. Recently we had an argument about something and he started pushing me.

I told him to stop doing that and he slapped me. I immediately left. He texted me and apologized and I told him it’s over. He said he deserves a second chance because I forgave my ex so many times and it’s unfair that I’d d**p him after one time. I feel like I’m in a nightmare.

Is there something wrong with me? Genuinely. I don’t understand. Maybe I’m the problem.

See what others had to share with OP:

benicebuddy −  Is there something wrong with me? Only if you get back together with him. Forgiving is a part of the healing process, but you must also learn from your experiences. He’s an abuser. Don’t go back to him. You did nothing to deserve that treatment, because **it is never OK to hit people.**

Ok-Cheetah-9125 −  No. You are Not the problem. Forgiving your ex was a mistake. One you are not willing to repeat with this one.. Stand strong. You deserve better.

FrickingNinja −  No, I’m drunk, and even in this state I can see you deserve better. Leave his sorry a\*\* and don’t look back.

NYChockey14 −  It’s not your fault. He’s a toxic human who used your past in order to take advantage of you. You didn’t deserve and should definitely stay broken up, block him too

No_Resolution1077 −  Very often we are comforted by seeing characteristics in our partners that remind us of our parents, even subconsciously, even when our parents are the worst. Sometimes it can be really small things that would never lead you to believe that other, bigger things would be similar.

Unfortunately this leads to patterns where people who grew up with abuse in the home, are more likely to end up with a**sive partners. Its not your fault, it happens to so so many people. There isnt anything wrong with you.

You can break the cycle by not putting up with it, learning from your past mistake and ending things with this guy. He does not deserve your forgiveness in any way. You can find someone who will treat you with kindness and respect.

SoundMany7012 −  leave. he’s testing ur limits.

lube4saleNoRefunds −  Is there something wrong with me? If you actually stay with him, yes. If you d**p a person the first time they hit you, you have done the correct thing.

If you don’t leave a person the first time they abuse you, it becomes the first time they abused you. If you d**p them, it becomes the only time. And these are the only 2 paths one can take.. Abusers never stop abusing.

cheemsamdcwackers −  i’m really sorry, but good on you for immediately leaving him. don’t tell the next guy. victims are very likely to be revictimised. wishing you love <3

Mmm_Lychees −  He said he deserves a second chance because I forgave my ex so many times and it’s unfair that I’d d**p him after one time.  WTF, how many times does he think he can hit you before it’s “fair” to be dumped?  This guy is a MASSIVE “I’m a piece of crap” RED flag.

The is the real him, the last two year of “no real issues” was an act. Remove your stuff from his place then ditch/block him.

Certain_Mobile1088 −  No. Nothing is more ridiculous than insisting that bc someone did something once, they have to do it again. Your new ex is stupid as well as a**sive.