I [25ftm] am about to come out to my parents [46m&49f] as transgender and I’m kinda freaking out.

A 25-year-old transgender man is preparing to come out to his parents and is seeking advice on how to approach the conversation. Although his sister has been supportive, the uncertainty about his parents’ reaction is causing anxiety.

He’s considering bringing his sister and possibly his partner for support, as well as deciding whether to include his 14-year-old brother in the initial conversation or wait. To learn more about his concerns and how he plans to navigate this life-changing moment, read the full story below…

‘ I [25ftm] am about to come out to my parents [46m&49f] as transgender and I’m kinda freaking out.’

I’m here because I’m going to come out to my parents as a transguy this Sunday, and I’m nervous, but also wondering how to handle it. I came out to my sister[27f] three days ago, and it was a best case scenario (thankfully). She will be coming with me to tell my parents.

I’m looking for help on how to word it exactly. My parents do know what transgender means, though they have not really been exposed to it much. I’ve been out as a”lesbian” (all my friends/my partner know I’m trans and treat me as a male) for 11 years, so they know a lot about that stuff, but that’s where it stops.

We’ve never really talked about it, so I don’t know how they’re going to react. Either way, I still don’t know what to say. Just sit them down at a table and be like “hey, your daughter is actually your son, surprise!”? I just can’t seem to think of a way to say it aloud and it not be super awkward sounding.

I also have been considering bringing my partner, but am uncertain if this is appropriate. She absolutely would if I asked though. Last, I have been trying to decide if my little brother [14m] should be included in the original discussion, or if i/My parents should talk first and one of us talk to him later.

I feel so uncertain and anxious, it’s really stressing me out. I plan to write two letters and have them in my pocket, one to give them if my voice fails and I can’t tell them, and one to give them of they reject me. So, wise redditors, how should I tell them? Is it weird for me to bring my partner *and* my sister? How do I handle my teenage brother?

Check out how the community responded:

trytryagainn −  Here is how I explained it to family when my oldest (MTF) came out as trans. “We have some news about Jack. He has been diagnosed with gender dysphoria. That means his body is male and his brain is female. In layman terms, he is transgender.

If you are interested in the science of it, there is a difference in the s**ually dimorphic nucleus in the brain; it is not just a feeling. From now on we will be using “she/her” and “daughter/sister”. She has chosen the name Jane. This is not bad news, we are not sad or ashamed.

In fact, we are very happy and excited for this next part of Jane’s life to get started.” It felt like I gave a little speech, and some people were really shocked and speechless. But I kept talking, probably repeated myself, and they caught up.

Personally, I like using the phrase “medical diagnosis” because it is not just about feelings, but I know that is a controversial statement. I think that feelings can be changed or maybe made to go away, whereas your fundamental identity can’t.

There is also some controversy about saying she had a male body, but it was the best we could do at the time. I don’t think our family was into the nuance of transgender issues enough to know that “some boys have penises and some boys have vaginas.”

My youngest was 12 when my oldest came out, and he was fine. The cousins were 7 and 13, and they were fine. I think your brother will get it faster than the adults. Just keep it simple.

Then tell him he can ask you questions, even if they are weird or embarrassing. But don’t be afraid to say, “I am not comfortable answering that right now.” Good luck! I wish you the best. And hug your sister extra tight.

angel_munster −  You need to sit down and first explain your feelings. This is completely different from being a lesbian and since you came out as a lesbian it might confuse them that you are now coming out as trans.

Just keep it simple, explain how you feel like you are a man in a woman’s body(use your own words though) and just keep it simple. I think you need to have this conversation with your parents first and as a group talk to your brother.

He might have a hard time understanding what being trans is and it will be better if your parents and sister are there to help explain it.

TheAverageChameleon −  I would have the conversation between the older members of the family first and then have the conversation with your younger brother (it should still be you that tells him). I agree that it may not be appropriate to bring your partner with you at this time.

Your sister will be an important support system here and the letters are a good failsafe. Odds are, this will be a little difficult for your family to process but considering their tolerance for your being attracted to women, I feel they have some points in their favor here.

I can’t even imagine how nerve-wracking this must be but you being honest with loved ones is a critical part of your happiness. It’ll be okay, OP.. One step at a time.

_chocolatefiend_ −  I hope the talk goes well! However I would also like to urge that you give your parents patience. This is a journey for all of you and you’re further into the journey than them. They will have many feelings to process over the coming months/years and keeping the lines of communication open will hopefully help all of you. Good luck!

ImposterSymptoms −  Is there a show that has been aired on tv or YouTube etc that explains transgender in a way you think your parents would gain some good quality knowledge from?

Sometimes it’s easier to present information and an outside view to people and then say “so, this is actually a good representation of who I am, and if you have any questions that this hasn’t answered I’m happy to talk to you about it”.

PM_TITS_OR_DONT −  I think you should leave your partner out of this if possible. But if you need her support, bring her along. Maybe she can be in the next room or just nearby, as a sort of middle ground.

As for your brother, I would think you’d want to tell him yourself. He’s 14, so he should be able to handle hearing this kind of thing. You might even tell him *before* your parents.. Good luck.