I (23f) have been with my boyfriend (25m) for 3 years, but I’ve just tested positive for chlamydia. How do we move on?

A 23-year-old woman recently tested positive for chlamydia, despite being in a committed relationship with her boyfriend (25M) of three years. Both partners insist they haven’t cheated, and the woman believes in his faithfulness. However, after the diagnosis, tension has arisen as they navigate feelings of doubt and discomfort. She’s now struggling to figure out how to move forward without making things awkward or feeding into suspicion. Read the full story below.

‘ I (23f) have been with my boyfriend (25m) for 3 years, but I’ve just tested positive for chlamydia. How do we move on?’

So I went to the doctor last week because of some unusual symptoms. I had a cervical swab and it got sent off for testing. The doctor told me that among other things, she was also testing for chlamydia, because my symptoms were similar. I told my boyfriend (25) about it, and we laughed and moved on while I waited for the results. Neither of us actually thought it would come back positive for it.

Then today I got the results and yep. Chlamydia. I have spoken to my boyfriend, and I have asked him if he cheated. He was slightly hurt that I’d even ask, because he said that it didn’t even enter his mind that I had, despite testing positive.

It’s fine, I’m going to get antibiotics and he’s also going to the clinic to get tested, and we’re both getting tested for other STDs. I am very confident that he has not cheated. Maybe I’m being naive, but I truly do not think he would. We’re together 95% of the time anyway, and there are exactly 0 red flags about him cheating. He’s very open with his phone, we have each other’s locations, he literally works alone in his office (I can attest to this, I’ve been there several times).

My issue is how we move on. While we are both confident neither of us have cheated, I feel like I’m now walking on eggshells. He said the fact that I felt like I needed to ask him if he had made him feel like I might have a guilty conscience (I don’t).

We’re on fine terms now after speaking about it, but now I’m second guessing everything I say to him. I was going to call him just to hear his voice and absolutely make sure we were okay, but I didn’t in case that looked like I was overcompensating for some guilt or something. I don’t really know what to do or how to act. Any advice?

See what others had to share with OP:

aes7288 −  Chlamydia can be dormant (undetected) for years. You may have contracted it years ago and it is only now showing. I would suggest you and your boyfriend going to the clinic together and having the health care specialist explain how chlamydia can lay dormant for years. I think this will help ease both of your minds.

Piilootus −  As other commenters have noted there are some totally innocent reasons here for these test results. Chlamydia is super notorious for going undetectable for a while and false positives happen. I see in your comments that you two are already planning to head to a clinic together and that’s a great next step.

As for your relationship and the unease you’re currently feeling I’d suggest just sitting back down with him and going over these two possibilities that you’ve now learned about and maybe go over the fact that you made an accusation about him cheating again.

Let him know how you feel about asking that question now that you’re aware of these other ways you could be positive. I’d also thank him for his understanding and patience in this situation.

Kragg_hack −  There is a couple of things that could explain this. First of course is the chance of a false positive, which is uncommon but will happen. Secondly, is that you and/or your BF had it since the start without anyone if you showing symptoms.

This is possible if any of you two didn’t test yourself before having s** together (which would not be a good practice). This is also possible, but much worse than a false positive, as untreated Chlamydia gives a risk of you or your BF damaging your reproductive ability for good.

Third is if course that your BF have cheated (you could of course also have cheated but I am counting in you not lying here). And I hate to rain on your parade, but it’s probably a higher risk of a partner cheating than you both having Chlamydia for three years without symptoms. Doesn’t mean it is a guarantee that he have cheated, only that it is more probable in most situations.

So first have him get tested, rule out false positive and hope the Chlamydia haven’t made you have kids in future much harder. And always always get tested before you have unprotected s** with a new partner no matter how nice he is.

Hot-Impact-5860 −  My issue is how we move on. You both use antibiotics for a while, then it’s gone.

For2n8Witch −  Previously to this STD test, when was the last time you were tested for STDs? Chlamydia can be dormant/asymptomatic for a while. 

Great-Statement-9146 −  Okay this is happens sometimes but take it with a grain of salt…. Sometimes chlamydia can lay dormant for years without the carrier knowing it. Especially in men. It’s worth a check with previous partners.

DeepBlueDiariesPod −  I had the same thing happen in a monogamous relationship of two years – I eventually traced it back to someone I had been with before I had ever been with my ex-boyfriend. I won’t go into the sort of details, but I can say with complete certainty that this guy was where it came from.

The crazy thing is I wasn’t even symptomatic and didn’t go into get tested. My doctor threw the test on routinely and I fell over when she said that I was positive. So I’d had the chlamydia for two years, was completely asymptomatic, as was my boyfriend at the time who did test positive. It’s insane that it happens, but it absolutely does.

SleepyDobby −  Is it possible it was a false positive? I got a false positive on a herpes test once and had nooo idea that false positives were so common. It almost destroyed my life.

Majestic_Constant_32 −  This happened to my fiancé and me 42 years ago. My now wife had had a couple of partners previously to our relationship ( 70s free spirit) we were together 6 months but only last 4 months exclusive. So she tested positive thought I cheated.

Not the case ! Sometimes it can be dormant for a while before manifesting. We talked at length about it. Then we got married still at it nearly 43 years later. There will be many crises in your relationship it’s how you deal with and does it draw you closer to one another or drive a wedge between you. Sit down discuss how you feel and how he feels. No trust is broken so you got a chance. Good luck

Lurky-Lou −  Did your boyfriend insinuate you got it from a dirty tractor seat?

Navigating a sensitive situation like an unexpected STD diagnosis can challenge even the strongest relationships. Trust, open communication, and medical guidance are key to moving forward. Have you or someone you know been in a similar situation? How did you handle it? Share your thoughts below!