I [22M] just learned that my sister [29F] had an a**rtion to be able to donate me part of her liver. It caused her divorce. I can’t stop hating myself.

A young man discovers that his sister sacrificed her pregnancy and, eventually, her marriage to save his life with a liver donation. Overwhelmed by guilt and self-hatred, he struggles to come to terms with the devastating impact her choice had on her life. Read the full story and its emotional weight below.

‘ I [22M] just learned that my sister [29F] had an a**rtion to be able to donate me part of her liver. It caused her divorce. I can’t stop hating myself.’

What really happened: I was very sick four years ago and was in need of a liver transplant. My situation was that it was very unlikely that I would get one in time. At that time my sister was pregnant. I didn’t know as it was early (less than two months). My situation was getting worse and my sister decided to do an a**rtion and then two months later we did the transplant surgery.

I never knew about the pregnancy. All I knew was that she gave me half of her liver. My sister and her husband divorced a year later. I didn’t know the truth until yesterday when my mom slipped up about an a**rtion that my sister had. I asked her about it and she told me everything. She told me that my sister made her promise not to tell me and she failed that promise.

My sister was very happy. My brother in law was a very decent guy. I knew they were looking forward to having children. They were great together. She always told us about how lucky she is to have found him.

Apparently at the time of their decision, my sister and her husband had great disagreement. He didn’t want her to have the a**rtion and risk the transplant surgery and was hopeful that my situation might sort itself out without my sister’s help. The chance was very small but it was there. My sister didn’t agree.

They couldn’t convince one another and my sister did things anyway without his blessing. They tried working things out after the surgery, they went to counseling, they even tried to have another baby but they couldn’t get themselves to do it. He couldn’t forgive my sister and she wasn’t all that apologetic so they ended up separating and eventually divorcing.

My sister isn’t happy now. Hasn’t been since the surgery. She never told me the real reason for her divorce. She told me that they were after different things. I just learned things from my mom. I asked my mom if my sister still thinks that she did the right thing. She said “she’s not sure”.

I can’t stop feeling guilty. My sister saved my life but destroyed her own life doing it. She had to abort the baby she definitely loved and looked forward to and did that knowing that it will probably end her marriage as well. I was ready to go at that time. I had accepted my fate and I was at peace.

She should have just let me. S**t. My brother in law should have told me so I would have talked her out of it. I’m surprised he didn’t. I can’t feel anything but to hate myself.

I don’t know what to do. Should I talk to my sister? What should I tell her? Should I keep my mouth shut and pretend that I don’t know? I’m not sure if I’ll even be able to look into her eyes and not show that I know. I just don’t know what the f**k I should do.. Please please help me.

**tl;dr**: My sister did an a**rtion be able to give me part of her liver and saved my life, but it costed her marriage.

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

LilaLaLina −  In case you want counseling, you can contact the hospital that did the surgery and they’ll be able to help. They have counsellors who are experienced with issues around transplants from living donors.

But regarding your sister, yes you should tell her. It’s a burden on you and on her. Just go and talk to her. Tell her how you feel, she’ll tell you how she feels, and it will bring you both closer together. It’s a very difficult situation where nobody is at fault and it’s very unfortunate that her marriage ended that way. But you both can heal together.

mwilke −  Your sister did the right thing, and you should be proud of her, and feel so lucky to have a sister like her. Put yourself in her shoes. You have a sister who is *dying*, with very little chance of surviving if she doesn’t get the liver she needs.

You just got pregnant – hooray! But you’re the only person who can save your sister’s life, and it will cost you the pregnancy. Damn. But you can get pregnant again. 75% of pregnancies end in miscarriages, most of the time without the mother even knowing, and few of those women are rendered infertile by it.

So you know that, while it’s sad, you can always try again for another baby – but if you let your sister die, you’ll never have another sister again. Easy decision, right? Except you’ve got a husband, and he’s actually telling you that you should roll the dice, almost certainly watch your own sister die in a hospital,

just because he wants *this* particular fetus, who is not a person, to take priority over your living, breathing sister – even though there’s *nothing* preventing him from making another, even though losing a child in early pregnancy is common as it is.

So you’ve got this man, who is basically telling you to *kill* your own sister or he’ll leave you. You know what? *F**k that guy*. In her shoes, would you ever pick a man like that over your own sister? If you had let your sister die when you could have saved her, would you ever be able to forgive yourself? She did the right thing – for you, *and* for herself.

If it was me, I would tell her that I know – without throwing Mom under the bus too much – and I would thank her for giving me my *life*. She’s been keeping this from you the whole time because she doesn’t want you to feel guilty – and the consequence for her is that she hasn’t been able to talk to you about any of it.

Thank her. Let her cry on your shoulder. Let her know that you truly owe her your life, and that you are the luckiest sister on the planet. Mourn the pregnancy, mourn the marriage, don’t talk bad about the ex. But know in your heart of hearts that that man wasn’t good for her, and that he could never have raised children who would be so closely bonded as you and your sister are.. Edit for a couple clarifications:

– I was way off on my claim about how many pregnancies fail to complete. Read the comment chain for a very good breakdown of *exactly* how wrong I am.

– I was being a little flip when I implied that anything about terminating a pregnancy would be an easy decision, and I apologize for that.

y0ungw0lf −  Damn your sister is a legend man. That’s all I can say.

Starcrossedforever −  Your sister made an impossible choice. Either way, she was risking losing a family member. There is not outcome here that would have made everyone happy. And, despite the guilt you feel, you weren’t in control of any of the decisions she made. Do you really believe you could have convinced your sister to let you die when she had the ability to save you?

I know it’s usually the go-to here, but therapy seems like it would be a good first step. You just received a lot of intense, emotional and heartbreaking information. You need time to process and figure out how you feel outside of your guilt.

And if you try to address this situation on your own right now, you risk damaging your relationship with your sister long term because this needs to be handled very delicately. You may run the risk of saying the wrong thing unintentionally.

[Reddit User] −  Don’t hate yourself. I have two young sons who I love to the ends of the earth…but when I was less than two months pregnant I would have done the same thing to save my brother’s life. I do think you should talk to her. Hug her. Tell her you’re so sorry.

DO NOT tell her that she shouldn’t have done it. Or that you’re blaming yourself. Then she’ll wish your mom had kept her promise and it will make it even worse. Maybe you could ask her if she’s considered counseling – I’m sure she desperately needs it if she hasn’t had any. She still has the rest of her life ahead of her – and thanks to the decisions she made. So do you. Edited because that was the worst typo.

Audacia220 −  Oh honey. Please know that divorce is complicated. It’s never just one thing that leads to it. We tend to hyper focus on one thing while we’re in the middle of it all, but it’s never just one thing. If your sister and her ex husband weren’t meant to be, that had a lot less to do with you than you’re thinking.

Your sister is an angel. Were it me and my sister, I would do the same thing, no question. It’s a no brainer. I have a toddler and am currently pregnant, and if there was anything I could do to save my sister’s life, including an a**rtion, I would do it.

The_Bravinator −  I don’t think you should consider it that your situation CAUSED them to divorce as if it was an inevitability. I think my marriage would have survived this situation. I think there are many here whose marriages would have. What your situation did was bring your sister ave her husband to a crossroads where they discovered some fundamental incompatibilities in their relationship. That may well have happened sooner or later anyway.

walk_through_this −  Speaking as a husband and father, the only person who failed here, it looks like to me anyways, is the ex-husband. Your sister had to make a terrible choice, and your ex brother in law should have supported her no matter what, because either way it was an unbearable thing for your sister to go through. He failed to really provide that support.

His failure here shows that when the rubber hit the road, he wasn’t up to the job of ‘husband’. This brought about a divorce which, given what we learned about the husband, may well have been coming anyway. Sorry if I sound harsh, but if I am the husband here, I grieve, but I also make sure my wife is first and foremost supported.

abaddonsdaughter −  I would do the same thing for my little sister, in a heartbeat. She loves you, in a very powerful way. She likely couldn’t imagine her life without you. Please just talk to her, get into therapy, so you can love yourself as much as she loves you. She did an amazing, selfless thing. Her husband could have stood by her but didn’t. Divorce is complicated, as someone else mentioned. Don’t blame yourself.

MAXIMUM_FARTING −  Mate, at the time her options were “watch her brother most likely die and maybe have a healthy baby a few months later” (these things aren’t always certain), or “terminate and give her brother a reasonable shot at life”.

There is nothing you can say or do to change how things panned out. For the love of all that is sacred don’t mention this to your sister – she probably didn’t want you to be burdened or have you looking at her with pity. She did the best she could with the information she had at the time.

If it does come out you know, say you’re terribly sorry about the huge personal toll it took on her, but that you’re grateful. And that you didn’t want to mention it because she asked your mum not to say anything and wanted to respect that.

Perhaps see it as a blessing in disguise: Your ex BIL sounds particularly heartless with his expectation your sister should have put his feelings and a small cluster of cells above her own brother *who was literally dying*. Seriously, your sister is a f**king hero. I’m sure some guy somewhere would be proud to date/marry a woman who put her life on the line for her brother.

Idea of the day: if you marry and have your own kid, name him or her after your sister (obviously ask her / your spouse if they’re on board with it). Your sister sounds like a champ. I’d say send her a bottle of wine but idk if you can drink after that sort of procedure.

This story reveals the complexities of love, sacrifice, and unintended consequences. If you were in his position, how would you navigate the emotions and approach his sister? Share your perspective and advice in the comments below.