I 22M am extremely worried about my brother 28M

A Redditor expresses deep concern for his older brother, who has been struggling since graduating with a film degree. Despite his talent, he’s having trouble holding down a job, is isolating himself from family, and seems to be drifting aimlessly in life.

The Redditor feels trapped, unsure of how to approach his brother or help him get back on track. Read the full story below to understand his worries and the difficult situation he’s in.

‘ I 22M am extremely worried about my brother 28M’

Since my brother has graduated with a film degree, it seems that life has slowly been going downhill. It started with him moving back home after living in his apartment four a couple years after college. He hasn’t left since and when he finds jobs he doesn’t keep them for more than a month.

He does freelance videos but that doesn’t bring nearly enough or any money in for him to live off of. He’s an adult and he doesn’t have anything going for himself. Not only that but he has been pushing his family away from him.

We don’t talk much or at all and our extended family is always asking where he is and he never shows up to our get togethers because he has “work”. He’s always late to birthday lunches or dinners with our direct family, whenever someone gives the smallest of advice he’ll always say “I know”.

He also stays up all night doing god knows what. Because we haven’t been close in the last years it is hard for me to bring up a conversation and ask him to get his life together. My parents I fear are comfortable with him living this way.

I also do not want to stress them out by bringing this up. I don’t know what to do. He has nobody outside of the family and we barely talk to him as it is.. I am extremely worried and would like any advice or to hear similar experiences please. This has been in the back of my mind for sometime.

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

allbutluk −  Maybe hes feeling like a failure and ashamed to show himself? Best you can do is let him know you are there and available to talk and you love him. Cant help someone who doesn’t wish to be helped

FactCheckYou −  ask him to help you with stuff to give him a reason to come out

Alcarine −  You’re not his parent but you’re being kinda patronising in your post. -If your parents are fine with him living at home until he finds a stable mean to support himself, then that’s their prerogative really, millions of family do the same to save costs all over the world.

-If he’s reticent to go to family get together, that’s his choice, maybe he doesn’t enjoy these gatherings, and making a big deal out of it definitely won’t make the idea more alluring, maybe he does indeed have better things to do,

or maybe he’s unhappy with himself and talking with people who will ask intrusive questions about his life isn’t at the top of his priority list, which brings my next point:

-People butting into your business with advice you didn’t ask for is very rarely welcome, so of course his best answer will be a simple “I know”. I’m not saying you shouldn’t worry *for* your brother (and not only *about* him in relation to your parents like a bothersome burden you’re trying to troubleshoot…),

but the best and probably only thing you can do is keep the communication flowing as much as you can, reach out for some innocuous small talk, just sending message, photos, memes, even if his reply isn’t enthusiastic, share good things about your life, joke with him,

try to appreciate his company untill he slowly start opening up in turn, then you can listen to him and understand him. If he doesn’t reciprocate I don’t know what else you can or should do, especially since I’m not sure you have the full picture,

I can take a wild guess and say probably he’s just having a hard time admitting that his filming career won’t take off and he needs to change tactics and do something else in the meantime, but in reality I have no idea what’s going on inside his head and it seems that neither do you,

so I doubt you raising up the issue of his unsuccessful career unprompted when your relationship isn’t that good will help in any way
Maybe your parents giving him a hard deadline to move out could motivate him but it’s just as likely to backfire, and again if they’re fine housing him then it’s really not your place to ask them to kick him out.

Yashasin24 −  Your best bet is to approach him gently and without judgement, being really general at first – maybe letting him know you’d like to share something small but personal with him, so that it doesn’t look like you’re trying to get information out of him or even worse forcing him to change (that always backfires in my experience).

Same with your parents, respectful and thoughtful conversation is your best bet in any situation: frame it as your loving concern as a sister, not as a harsh criticism of their parenting, however at fault they may actually be (and they are, unfortunately,

in part – your brother is his own person and an adult though). The rest is out of your hands, so try to self soothe and gently let go, elaborate your feelings in the way you see fit. We’re with you!

decaturbob −  – you can not fix him and until HE realizes a problem exist and HE wants to correct it, this situation remains unsolvable
– all you can do is try to restart communication and let it go where it goes.

– troubled people are surrounded by enablers…what makes addicts go the path they go…and people who have other issues. Families are often the worse enablers

What would you do in this situation? How would you approach a loved one who seems to be losing their way, especially when they push everyone away? Share your thoughts and experiences below!