GF’s (27F) family always makes comments about what I (28M) eat. I told her I was done eating around them including not coming to Thanksgiving.

A Reddit user shared their frustration about their girlfriend’s family consistently making unwelcome comments on his eating habits during visits. Despite maintaining a healthy lifestyle, he feels judged and unsupported, especially when his girlfriend doesn’t stand up for him.

The breaking point came during a family dinner where repeated remarks about his food choices led him to leave abruptly. Now, he’s decided to skip future gatherings, including Thanksgiving, causing tension in his relationship. To learn more about the situation and how others have weighed in, read the full story below…

‘ GF’s (27F) family always makes comments about what I (28M) eat. I told her I was done eating around them including not coming to Thanksgiving.’

My girlfriend and I have been together for 3 years. Our relationship is strong except for a recurring issue where her family is… difficult and she is not always great at standing up to them/for me. I am a large man; not fat or anything, just very tall. I play 2 recreational sports and also bike a lot in my free time. As a result of this, I eat quite a lot.

95% of the time, I eat healthy but in larger quantities, and the other 5% of them time I will occasionally pig out. I am not unhealthy in the slightest; I have been to a doctor recently and he affirmed I am in good health and have a good healthy lifestyle by all measures (weight, exercise, blood pressure, cholesterol, etc.). So I know I am doing everything right.

However, my girlfriend’s family constantly needs to comment on what and how much I eat.. They live 2 hours away so when we see them, it is typically us staying at their house for a whole weekend where I am at the whims of whatever the menu is. If I eat more than one serving of something,

then the Mom or Sister will make comments or whisper to each other about how I am eating into their leftovers the next day, or how it’s unhealthy for me to have a second cookie or something. This is even if there is a ton of food, so I know I’m not eating their whole week’s budget of food or anything.

I have also tried bringing my own snacks so I am not infringing on their supply of food with my extra eating, but this doesn’t work either. I will sneak a granola bar or an apple or a bag of chips from my bag and they will find out (I think they search the trash or something) and let me know that it will spoil my appetite,

or ask whether the food Mom made wasn’t good enough for me. My GF and I also will do our own activities out of the house during the day sometimes when we visit, so I have occasionally had us stop at a fast food place if I need to eat some fries or chicken nuggets or whatever out of the house.

Whenever we come back, the Mom or Sister will make comments or ask if we ate anywhere else while we were out, and GF gets nervous and confesses because she feels guilty or doesn’t like lying to them. So after 3 years of this, I get really sick of being attacked for the amount I eat even when it barely impacts them and I know I’m eating an ok amount.

It has gradually gotten worse over time..My breaking point came last week when it was GF’s mom’s birthday so we met at a restaurant in the middle between us one night. I ordered a burger and fries while everyone else ordered salads. And immediately, GF’s mom, sister, and aunt all started commenting about how the burger looked unhealthy.

I stood up for myself and said that I had biked dozens of miles that week already so I think I can treat myself to a burger, to which the sister said that one unhealthy thing can wipe out weeks of working out, which I dismissed. I was hoping that would be it, but every like 10 minutes someone would make more comments. So I’m getting really annoyed.

I eyeballed my GF numerous times to be like “back me up here” and barely got anything. Finally, the food came and my burger was perfectly normal. Not giant, not dripping with grease, not filled with unhealthy toppings. Just a normal burger. But everyone was like “wow that thing is enormous!

You really shouldn’t eat that in one sitting, it’ll clog your arteries and you will feel terrible afterwards. Seriously, that thing is so unhealthy, I think I would die immediately.” I decided that I was done after that. I sneaked away to the bathroom and stopped at the front of the restaurant to ask for a box and to pay my part of the bill early, came back to the table,

and announced that I was going to get going as I didn’t feel well and asked my GF if she wanted a ride home or if she was going to figure out another way home. She got super embarrassed and said that she would come with me if I wait a few minutes, so I got in the car and ate my burger in there while I waited like 10 mins for her to come.

We left and she cried the whole way home. I felt bad that it hurt her feelings but I’m at my limit and I told her I was done going to events where we eat food with her family, and if that means that I don’t come with her when she visits her family then that’s just the way it has to be. I said I would be skipping Thanksgiving at her parents’ this year..

Since then, she has barely talked to me but hasn’t really fought me on it at all. I know it hurts her but I have to stick up for myself here. I’m sick of being treated like I’m some fatso who eats like garbage when I know I live a healthier lifestyle than any of them. I’m not even that mad at my girlfriend.

Obviously I would appreciate the backup but I know she’s scared of her family since they are all kind of bullies, so I’m just not going to allow myself to be present at these opportunities. Whatever fallout happens as a result of this is just not my responsibility. Am I handling this right?

Is there a nicer way I could have said everything or been gentler with my girlfriend? I don’t want to hurt her feelings but I have the right to protect myself if she won’t..

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

Cricket705 −  Is this how you want to live the rest of your life? What happens if you have a baby and they start shaming a pregnant woman for eating a healthy amount of food? What happens when they shame your child into having an eating disorder? Your girlfriend is perfectly fine with them treating you this way so it is only going to get worse.

avacapone −  You have not done anything wrong here, but instead of defending yourself by saying things like “I eat healthy, I exercise” etc., could you just flat out set a boundary and say “please stop commenting on my food, I am an adult and choose what I eat”? Or something like that? Also, your girlfriend seems to be responding super passively here.

It doesn’t sound like y’all have fully talked it through if she’s just saying things like “ok” or “I understand.” Y’all should be talking about things like her own experience with her family, her relationship with food with her family, how does she feel setting boundaries with them and what will it take for her to do that,

how it makes you feel and what will happen if they don’t stop, etc. I think your girlfriend needs therapy and definitely couples therapy if y’all plan to stay together.

amdellis −  Honestly sounds like the family is projecting some disordered eating habits. Obviously still not fair to you but

DFahnz −  I’m not even that mad at my girlfriend. You should be. She’s the one who has been allowing them to treat you this way.

SuitableLeather −  This is an eating disorder. Your girlfriend’s family, and possibly even her if she was raised that way, have eating disorders. It is not normal to tell a grown man they can’t eat a granola bar or have seconds or to GO THROUGH THE TRASH to try and catch someone eating.

The restaurant situation where everyone ordered salads and commented on your burger is very telling. All three of them commenting is abnormal. I would bet money they are commenting to make you feel guilty because they secretly want that burger and are jealous that you get to have it.

Ultimately you have a girlfriend problem. She needs to fix her family and if not then NEITHER of you should be visiting. Respecting her partner is the bare minimum on her end and theirs.

frockofseagulls −  Have you had the hard discussion where you ask her to find a therapist and start working through the clear food-related family trauma she’s carrying around? She’s never going to defend you from them until she does a hell of a lot of work. She’s not at fault here, she just probably never knew till you arrived that their behavior was fucked up. But now that you’ve told her, she either has to do the work or you need to walk.

pdperson −  They sound extremely petty and I’m assuming envious, and I wouldn’t want to be around them either.

venturebirdday −  They are endlessly bullying you and she wants to play the embarrassed victim?!?! If your family was bullying her, would she expect you to stand up for her? I bet she would. I would force her to explain why she does not have your back and why she allows this to go on.

If she cannot stand up to them, then why is she asking you to suffer along side her? She should be encouraging you to stay away from these folks.. enjoy your burger.

MadAss5 −  Have you clearly explained to your gf how this makes you feel and asked her to tell them to stop? Not just funny looks or leaving. Have you told the family that their comments are rude?

highoncatnipbrownies −  NTA. But your girlfriend sure is. I hope she cried the whole way home about what a terribly unsupportive person she’s being to the person who she’s supposed to care the most about. Your girlfriend needs therapy. Her family SUCKS! They either have eating disorders or have decided that anyone who does anything different deserves ridicule.

I strongly caution you to consider what would happen if you stay with your girlfriend and had kids with her someday. God forbid you have a daughter. The in-laws will tear her self esteem apart at every opportunity.