Final Update AITAH for being disgusted and just saying OK when my Fiancé broke up with me?

He is definitely gone. My friend sent me some of his insta stories of him at the airport and then about a day later in Bogota. So, yep, he is gone. I am safe, and on Friday, I get to pick up Helios Maximus the first, lol. Heli for short.
Thanks for the concern and support I’ve received. I’m fine. Really.

Original: https://aita.pics/gJmTb
Update: https://aita.pics/sgogf

‘ Final Update AITAH for being disgusted and just saying OK when my Fiancé broke up with me?’

A lot of people suggested things like getting a restraining order, but I just want to clarify that it’s not as simple as walking into an office and asking for one. The process involves proving there’s an immediate danger to your safety, providing evidence like texts, calls, or witnesses, and then attending court to get approval. It’s not something you can do lightly or without solid proof.

I’ve also seen people diagnosing Alex with various mental health issues, and I want to ask everyone to stop. Yes, something is clearly wrong, but I’m not a doctor, and neither are most of you. It’s not fair or helpful to label him with something like bipolar disorder or anything else without real expertise.

For what it’s worth, I don’t actually feel like I’m in danger. In the past month, these were the only three incidents that happened. I don’t think he’s actively stalking me so much as he just knew my patterns. The bar we were at is my favorite spot, and it was a party of one of my closest friends, so it makes sense that he might have guessed I’d be there.

When he showed up at my apartment, he knows what time I usually get home. The city tour is the only thing that might have been more intentional, but it could also have been a coincidence that triggered everything. Anyway, this is the end of it. Yesterday, Alex came over with his mom and one of his friends.

At first, I didn’t want to let him in, but he promised me that this would be the last time I ever saw him. I agreed, mostly because his mom and friend were there, and I figured it would be more awkward to argue on my doorstep.
When we sat down, Alex admitted that he was going through a crisis.

He told me he was mad at me, but he didn’t know why. He said he doesn’t like me, that I annoy him, but that he weirdly still loves me, which is why he went crazy when he saw me with someone else. He assured me there wasn’t anyone else on his end either.

He said he felt like he was going insane. He talked about how he feels judged for being older and not being able to give me the life he thinks I deserve. He said he hates his colleagues, hates his job, hates everything right now, and that everyone and everything annoys him. He told me he feels old and like he should want kids at this point in his life, but he doesn’t, and that thought terrifies him. He said he just wants to be alone and not talk to anyone for a while.

I didn’t say much. I mostly just nodded because I didn’t know what to say. After he was done, he told me he was leaving. He’s on some kind of mental health leave from work, and he said he’s leaving the country on Sunday. He’s going to South America to spend time in nature and “find himself.” He thanked me for everything and said he was sorry for how he acted. Then he just got up, grabbed the few things he had left at my place, and walked out.

His mom was inconsolable. She kept apologizing to me over and over, saying how embarrassed she was by his behavior. I told her it was okay and that she didn’t need to apologize for him. She cried a lot, and his friend ended up driving her home after Alex left.

I don’t really know how I feel about all of this. Part of me is relieved that it’s over. Part of me feels sad for him because he clearly doesn’t know how to deal with everything he’s feeling. Mostly, though, I just feel tired. I’m glad he’s taking steps to figure himself out, but it’s not my responsibility anymore.

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

mocha_lattes_ −  Be glad he took accountability and apologized along with realizing he was acting crazy and taking steps to address it and get away from you. That’s enough. Feel relieved, feel sad, grieve the loss of him and the relationship and enjoy the time alone now. It’s ok to have mixed feelings about it. It’s ok to be happy one day and sad the next. Thank you for the update and take care of yourself. 

CatsDontHaveNames −  Instead of going to South America to “find himself” he should find himself a therapist.

alliandoalice −  It was never you. It’s just his midlife crisis when he hates everything and tried to blame it on you, but once you left and the feelings remained then he had no choice but to realize he hates himself.

B_Kunkler −  Men will literally flee to South America before going to therapy.

b_shert −  This is such a him problem, you’ve got the right idea that there’s nothing you did wrong and the best thing is that he’s not your responsibility anymore. Sometimes a person can look at their life and just need to walk. For you, it’s irreconcilable differences. For him, he needs to figure himself out and taking himself out of your life is a good thing.

lookingformiles −  Well that was weird. It was nice of you to let him have that last whatever-the-f**k-that-was meeting. Good riddance and hopefully you’ll never see his crazy ass again. Sure dodged that bullet.

notAugustbutordinary −  The way you should feel is relieved. It seems he has at least gotten to the stage that he has realised the problem is with him and that he is trying to move forward. Sometimes when relationships end they leave each of you with some guilt, if this was in any way how you felt then you have just been sent a clear message that you can put that to one side and live your best life without recriminations.

LtSoba −  Anyone else seeing the red flags with the topics of him feeling judged and hated about his age and lack of kids and how the Mom came along for the apology? Like I know it’s nothing concrete but it’s rubbing me the wrong way and the “Visiting South America” yeah I’m just getting some major dodgy vibes here. Like the dude is definitely having some sort of nervous breakdown he should be seeing a therapist and not going half a country away from any supports.

Ok_Routine9099 −  Relieved Alex has it together enough to realize he needs to leave you alone and has a support system to help him keep on track. That should enable you to enjoy your freshly painted walls and Luna in peace. May your tomorrows be brighter than your today!

CYaNextTuesday99 −  A 34yo showed up with his mom to get you to talk? I’d have laughed and closed the door. Jfc.