Dad(50m) wants me(24f) to change the location of my son’s (1m) party.

A woman is facing a dilemma regarding her son’s upcoming first birthday party. Her father insists that the event be held at a neutral location due to the divorce with her mother and the presence of their significant others.

Although she initially planned to host the party at her mom’s house, where her son is comfortable, her father argues this is improper etiquette. After considering other options, she feels frustrated by the situation and unsure whether she should give in to her father’s demands. Read the full story below.

‘ Dad(50m) wants me(24f) to change the location of my son’s (1m) party.’

Ok, so backstory. My parents divorced when I was 7. They didn’t really speak after that but since my brothers and I are now grown they will say hello to each other and small talk about their grandchildren if we are at family events.

After the divorce my dad went MIA for a while and due to this my brothers and I have a lot of unresolved issues that no one ever brings up. We all still spend time with him and take our kids over to spend time (but our kids are not that comfortable around them) Also, my dad remarried when I was maybe 13?

And my mom is technically single but has a “friend” that my brothers and I see as more of a father figure (we call him first for money problems, car problems, advice, etc.) So that’s a little backstory, if there are any other family dynamics I’m missing please ask. Now to my problem.

I had a son last year who will be one in June. My husband and I currently live with my mom as we are saving to buy a house and hope to be out by the end of the year. Since my son will only be turning 1, we didn’t want to do anything big and thought we would just have a small party at the house.

It’s free, there will be a/c and my son is comfortable there of course. So I told my dad the plans and he immediately told me “When your parents are divorced and they each have significant others it is proper etiquette to have events at a neutral location.”

A part of me knew this would happen as he did the same to my brother a few years back and they ended up having his son’s party at Chuck E. Cheese. I don’t know if I should give in though. When I told him it would cost to have it anywhere else he said that’s what grandparents are for.

So to appease him I looked for other places and saw that I only had two options. I could rent a room in a venue or a pavilion in a park. The problem with that is we planned to have some water activities for the kids in the backyard and people could go inside to the a/c if they wanted.

With these options I can only have one or the other. I refuse to have a party at a place like Chuck E. Cheese or any other kid places because my son is one, he will not remember, and it will cost too much.

What’s weird to me about this is my dad has been in my mom’s house before and his wife has been there by herself before. So I’m not really seeing the issue. Also, it makes me angry that even if there was a problem that he can’t put it aside for a few hours for his grandchild.

He can sit on the screened in porch and not even have to come in the house if he doesn’t want to. I should note that no one but him has a problem with him coming. I’m very tempted to say whatever he just won’t come and have the party the way I want.

Reddit, please help me. Am I being crazy? Unreasonable? Should I change the location? Are there any other locations I should consider? I really need an outside opinion.

Check out how the community responded:

[Reddit User] −  See, I hate this s**t. I am my husband’s second wife, he has two kids from his first marriage, and we always try to make it work, for the kids’ sake. His first wife and I send texts back and forth on Mother’s Day (I always wish her a happy mother’s day)

and when his daughter was having a few issues we got the whole family together to help her: me, my husband, Mom, her husband. His first wife has been there for me when my father (and later, my step-father) died, and I am there for her if she, her husband or the kids need anything.

I would be very comfortable and welcome at a birthday party at their house. We get along, and we get along well, because it makes it easier and better for the kids. Tell your Dad that this Step-Mom says to grow up.

[Reddit User] −  Tell him when parents divorce it’s proper etiquette to not go MIA and he’s a guest to this, not the person in charge of planning. If he doesn’t like it he can not go. Which fits, because not showing up is something he’s got a lot of practice in.

taversham −  Have it at your mom’s house like you planned. It’s your son’s day, not your dad’s, so do what’s best to give your son the party you want him to have. You can’t get into the habit of letting your dad dictate your choices regarding your children.

“Hey, dad. I’ve thought it over and there really isn’t another venue that’s suitable for what I have planned, so the party will be at Mom’s house. I hope you can make it so we can all celebrate Son’s birthday together.” If he declines, that’s his loss. Your son won’t remember whether he was there or not anyway.

hawthornetree −  “The offer to pay for a venue is kind of you, and we’ll certainly keep that in mind for birthday parties when kid is older, but for this one, they don’t seem suitable, and we’ve already gone far enough with the existing plan that I’d like to keep it as it stands. You and [step mother] are still welcome at mom’s house for the party.”

alwaysright6 −  I’m sorry, as a child of divorced parents who both got remarried, he’s simply being petty. Both of my parents have celebrated different events in the living spaces of eachother, not to mention it’s been years since the divorce.

Have the party where you want to have it, and make sure it’s the most comfortable place for your son. Tell your father your reasoning, and if he doesn’t accept that, tell him that your child’s comfort comes before his.

Intelligent_Alfalfa −  You want a low-key party for a one year-old. Paying for a venue makes it something else. Tell him the party plans are what they are. If he wants to celebrate with the kid at another place, he can make arrangements for a different day and you will gladly be there.

[Reddit User] −  Don’t change the location. You are in control here, don’t let a petty tyrant tell you what to do. If he doesn’t want to come, that’s on him. Not you.

JoshuaLyman −  “When your parents are divorced and they each have significant others it is proper etiquette to have events at a neutral location.”
Grandparent here. We have a fair mix of steps and halfs between grandparents and kids. IMHO it’s fine to have it at one grand-parents house provided all grandparents get invited (as you did).

exquisitecoconut −  Sure, when parents divorce it may be good etiquette to have a party at a neutral location. However, he is not the parent in this scenario, but a GRANDparent. Your kid, your rules; put your foot down.. Edit: a word

forel237 −  You’re not crazy or unreasonable. Similar story, I’m the same age as you and my parents divorced when I was about 3. My dad made a stink about going for a meal after my graduation from medical school next month because my mother would be there.

He said I should just accept that events like that and my wedding (!?) would be awkward because of their divorce. Like you I was pretty hurt that he couldn’t put his own feelings aside for a few hours.

I finally told him to get fucked, and guess what, he’s going to come along for the dinner without complaining. Don’t let your parents divorce nearly TWENTY YEARS AGO make your life harder. If he’s not over it, especially given he’s remarried, f**k him it’s his problem.