Boyfriend (31M) Seemingly Unsure of Relationship After I (28F) Told Him I Was Hurt. I’m 9 Months Pregnant.

A Reddit user (28F) shared her concern after a conversation with her boyfriend (31M) about an offhand comment he made about her appearance, which left her feeling hurt, especially as she is 38 weeks pregnant. After expressing her feelings, he responded by saying he feels afraid and sees her differently now, causing her to question the future of their relationship.

Despite their generally great relationship, she is now worried about the impact of this conversation, especially with their baby on the way. To read the full story and see how others are weighing in, check out the post below.

‘ Boyfriend (31M) Seemingly Unsure of Relationship After I (28F) Told Him I Was Hurt. I’m 9 Months Pregnant.’

The other night my boyfriend and I were looking through old photos of me when we came across one to which he said “what happened?” (I interpreted this as “wow you used to look good, what happened”).

This made me upset and extremely hurt because I have been self conscious in my current body (am 38 weeks pregnant) and in general I feel like that is just a hurtful thing to say. I was upset about it through today until I got back from work which is when I told him that I was upset with him.

He said he was sorry, but personally I don’t think he knew what exactly it even was that I was upset about because when I asked him he didn’t seem to know.
As we started settling into bed, we got into the conversation officially, which was tense throughout, but I didn’t feel like it was toxic?

There wasn’t yelling from either side, no profanities, but it was tense like any other emotional conversation a couple may have. Eventually he said that he didn’t mean it in that way and that he was sorry.

I felt ready t move on at this point and I asked him how he felt about the conversation which is when he dropped a bombshell on me saying that he feels worse after the conversation, that he’s afraid of me now,

that he sees a totally different side of me and/or sees me differently, and he doesn’t understand how I could be hurt about something so small for a whole day, and he doesn’t know how to look at me moving forward.

I was extremely surprised by this response and told him we should try to reach some resolution to which he said there’s nothing to resolve and the damage has been done. I am 38 weeks pregnant this week…

we have a child we share who is coming into this world very shortly and I am taking what he said as he doesn’t know if he sees a future with me anymore. Not once did I think that this relationship would end at all, and especially not in this way or over something like this…

I’m just shocked by this because I didn’t think me feeling hurt for a day in response to something that I thought was hurtful was that big of an overreaction on my part? I just didn’t think that would solicit such fear from him. I don’t know what this means for us and our family. I am preparing for the worst.

I guess I’m looking for perspectives, advice on how to get through the worst case scenario, etc. Also before anyone asks, we have (or I thought we did) a great relationship. Values aligned, love spending time with each other, very affectionate and loving, have fought a total of 3 times during the course of our relationship (this last one being the third one ever).

Check out how the community responded:

Evie_St_Clair −  Sounds like he’s just looking for an out tbh.

Dear_Parsnip_6802 −  He says he didn’t mean his comment on the way you took it. I’m not emotionally invested and I most likely would have taken it the same way and felt very upset when I was 38 weeks pregnant and having very little control over the way I looked.

Did he explain what he did actually mean by that statement as I would be genuinely interested to know. If he’s willing to end your relationship over this and looks at you differently because you were upset at a comment that was objectively hurtful, I’m not sure he’s the man you thought he was.

The original comment plus his reaction to your hurt indicates he was already having second thoughts about the relationship. You do need a plan b for the delivery room.

Actual-Cartoonist410 −  i think he was already searching for exit ways and even its childish af he founded one. which man makes fun of his girlfriend’s appearance when she’s ready to pop out their child at any time? and blaming her for hurting her???? istg some men are just child-man nothing more

DiveCat −  This definitely sounds like someone looking for an exit and is trying to make you the bad guy so you feel in the wrong and he can walk away feeling like he was the good guy who had no choice but to leave. I had a past long term partner – we lived together as well – who did something very similar.

When he spouted off similar things as your partner is, I felt like I was in the twilight zone as for me it all arose out of something so innocuous. However turned out he had built up years of resentment and rather than communicate, just let it fester, and when he wanted out he was desperate to make the fault mine to “justify” his need to end it.

After we broke up, I swore I would never date someone so emotionally and communicatively withdrawn or emotionally “dumb” again, and I did not. That rule has worked out well for me. If he is similar as my ex was, there isn’t any coming back as the reasons are ultimately he just is not into it anymore,

has no interest in trying, and will rationalize and justify his feelings however he can even if it puts all the blame on you. I would suggest you plan your exit. You can hopefully be good coparents, but I would not expect to be good partners now or in the future.

janus270 −  “I didn’t mean it that way” Oh yeah? Then how did he mean it? How else is someone supposed to take that kind of statement?

samenamesamething −  Not fighting in a relationship isn’t always a good sign. It could mean one or both parties doesn’t feel comfortable bringing up issues. You’re 9 months pregnant, so of course you’re going to feel emotional about certain things, including the changes in your body.

He needs to be more understanding of that in order to support you. I’m sorry he’s acting so insensitively.

FeministiskFatale −  He said something hurtful. You, rightly so, felt hurt and processed it through the day and had a mature conversation with him in the evening. He knows he’s been an a-hole, but doesn’t want to take responsibility so he uses DARVO (Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender).

You did NOTHING wrong, your feelings are completely understandable (plus hormones), you talked it out, he made up an excuse to make himself the victim, and refused to continue the conversation (because he knows he’s full of s**t).

He’s manipulating you and that is unacceptable, especially in your vulnerable position. If you have family nearby, go and stay with them for awhile. You deserve supportive people around you. If he asks why, tell him that if he is so afraid of you, you shouldn’t be living together.

Honestly, you and your baby would be better off without a manipulator in your lives, but I know leaving at this time could be tricky. But keep in mind that a LOT of men change into abusers during a woman’s pregnancy or after birth. Look after your own well-being first and what environment you want for your child. Good luck ❤️

Shy_OwlRuru −  Make your exit plan. I’m so sorry. You shouldn’t be dealing with this when you’re pregnant and especially so close to giving birth. He should be in full protection mode. He also gaslit you. What he said was hurtful and ridiculous considering you’re growing a baby, HIS baby! What the??

So, even if you had been upset over nothing (which you weren’t) he should be bloody understanding when you are carrying his child. You’re going to have hormone changes and fluctuations. Unfortunately, it seems to be a common thing for men to completely change with the arrival of a child.

It’s like they can’t handle their partner not prioritizing them, and relationships break down, and even abuse can start. It might be impossible.but if you can try not to think about all of this or leave to a less stressful situation. Do you have family nearby?

You need to be concentrating on yourself and be in a good mind set for birth. His tantrum can be worried about later. If you do have a good friend or parent that could accompany you while giving birth, then that might feel more relaxed. Remember that you can hsve whoever you want in the birthing room.

It’s your choice. If you think your partner will not be the support you need for this crazy important moment, then don’t feel like you have to accommodate him at all. Everyone in that room with you needs to be 100 percent there for you.

KatesDT −  Have you ever called him out for hurting your feelings before? You said y’all have only had 3 fights and this was one of them. Do you always stuff your feelings so as not to upset him? His reaction is over the top. It feels m**ipulative.

You had a valid reason to be upset (in your hormonal emotional state) and instead of him being really sorry that he hurt you with a thoughtless statement—he’s got you scared to tell him he upset you.

I think he’s probably a selfish emotionally manipulating person. If you think about it, it’s probably not the first time you’ve had to apologize for having emotions he doesn’t like. Actions like that don’t happen in a vacuum.