AMITAH for not giving my sister money for her car not to be repossessed

Family financial dynamics can be tricky, especially when repeated requests collide with personal goals. I (28M) have two siblings—a 31-year-old brother and my younger sister, Sara (23F). Two days ago, Sara called me in distress, saying she owed money on her car and needed $1,500 quickly to avoid repossession.

Despite having a well-paying job (which, notably, earns more than mine), she’s repeatedly borrowed money from me for rent, phone bills, and even a $400 electric bill—amounts she never repaid and that I ultimately wrote off. With my parents unable to help and my brother tied up with his own family, I’ve been saving up for a long-planned vacation to England next March.

I’m now torn between family loyalty and my own financial priorities. While she promises to repay the money in time for my trip, I’ve heard similar assurances before, and it never materialized. So, I’m left wondering: Am I the asshole for refusing to lend her the money, even though all my friends insist that family comes first?

‘ AMITAH for not giving my sister money for her car not to be repossessed ‘

Dr. Laura Markham, a clinical psychologist specializing in family finances and boundaries, explains, “When someone repeatedly borrows money without repaying it, setting boundaries is essential. It’s important to support family, but that support should not come at the expense of your own financial stability and personal goals.”

She continues, “Your decision to prioritize your vacation savings over lending money in a pattern of non-repayment is a healthy financial choice. While family loyalty is important, it must be balanced with personal responsibility.”

Relationship expert Dr. John Gottman adds, “Family conflicts over money are common, but both parties must communicate their expectations clearly. If you have a history of unreturned loans, it’s entirely reasonable to say no. Protecting your resources is not selfish—it’s about ensuring you can meet your own needs while setting clear boundaries for future interactions.”

Both experts agree that while it’s commendable to help family, it’s equally important to protect your own financial interests when past patterns suggest that promises of repayment have consistently fallen short.

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

Several redditors expressed strong support for your stance. One user commented, “If your sister has a habit of borrowing without repaying, you’re not the asshole for saying no. You need to take care of your own financial goals first.” Another shared, “Family comes first, yes, but not at the expense of your own future. You’ve been let down before—don’t jeopardize your long-planned vacation for money that may never be repaid.”

Ultimately, your decision to refuse lending your sister the money is a justified boundary, especially given the history of unreturned loans and the impact on your personal savings for a much-anticipated vacation. While family support is important, it should not come at the cost of your financial stability. This situation raises an important question: How do you balance family loyalty with personal financial responsibility, especially when past experiences suggest that promises may not be honored?

What would you do if you were in a similar situation, where a family member’s repeated non-repayment risks undermining your own financial goals? Share your thoughts and experiences below—your insights might help others navigate the delicate balance between family support and self-protection.