AITAH-My 17 YO sister has ruined my christmas break?

A Reddit user (18F) shares a painful family conflict with their 17-year-old sister that has ruined their Christmas break. As a first-year pre-nursing student and first-generation college attendee, the user worked hard throughout high school to earn their car and maintain good grades.

However, their sister, who has been given two cars but hasn’t held a job or worked for anything, became furious when the user told her that getting a new, expensive car wasn’t realistic for their family. The situation escalated when the sister took the user’s car without permission, refused to return it, and made cruel, hurtful remarks. The user feels devastated by the situation and unsure how to handle their sister’s hostility.

‘ AITAH-My 17 YO sister has ruined my christmas break?’

So, I am a first year college student. I’m a pre-nursing student who finished with good grades. If me saying i’m a first generation student helps then there it is. I have been home for about 2 weeks and have absolutely hated it. I’m back here with my fiancée but other than that i’ve had no real reason to feel happy being here. My family is very poor, I am fortunate enough to have a car because I am in college and live hours away.

I have earned this car by respecting my parents and keeping up great grades while doing nearly every extracurricular activity offered in highschool. My sister on the other hand has had two cars. The first one wasn’t very nice so it has some mechanical issues, the second one she crashed and it is now totaled. Since then, she has not stopped talking about getting a new car.

I worked my entire highschool career and believe it helped me in many ways. She has yet to get a single job and i can see how different me and her are. After she talked about the brand new expensive ass car she wanted for “college”, I told her it was unrealistic. I told her our family is poor, and we can’t afford brand new cars. I told her you will need to get a job and earn a car, and also get your license.

This made her go ballistic. She called me many names such as narcissistic, spoiled, and unworthy of life. My heart actually shattered. I have never done anything in my life to make her say these things to me. I have drove hours and spent so much money on my sister to only get this back. I have tried so hard to love her. I just began crying after she told me these things outside of my grandparents house. Later in the day, she has my car.

I begin to panic because i do not trust her with my car. It’s a 2017 Ford Escape and it is my only source of transportation to college. If she wrecked my car, I’d have to buy a new one myself. I text her and ask her to come home please, very politely. She then tells me she is busy and will not return my car. I continue to text her and politely tell her to return my car. The only thing she says next is “i really wish you were dead.”

This happened around 30 minutes ago and I still feel like I got shot in the heart. I’ve never felt so much internal pain in my life. It’s also christmas eve, and my parents have done nothing to calm the situation. She talks to me, and my parents this same way and i can’t do it anymore. I left the house to go spend the night at my MIL’s house because i can’t stand to see her after this.

How am I going to open presents and give presents in the morning knowing that my sister thinks of me this way. I just wish i lived a different life at this moment and don’t know what to do. She has not tried in school, she has done nearly nothing to respect my parents and has done nothing to prepare for her future. I just don’t know what to do. Sorry for bad grammar, i’m crying in my bed lol.

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

Any_Dragonfruit4130 −  NTA. I am sorry your sister treats you like trash. Report the car as stolen. Go get your sisters presents and your car in the morning and do not go back to your house. I would go NC with your sister. She is a jealous that you might make your self successful when she never will. I also believe she will hurt you VERY badly in the future.

photoguynj1 −  NTA.. It sounds to me that she may be jealous of you and is doing things to hurt you. I wasn’t sure from your post if you gave her permission or how she got your keys. I noticed others suggested reporting the car stolen. That could have severe backlash – but there is also real potential that she may damage your car or even someone else’s. That may end up back on you if the car isn’t reported stolen.

Talk to your parents. If you can’t get their support then you need to decide how to proceed. You can let her get away with this or not. I’d suggest putting some distance between you and your sister. Not only does it sound as though she lacks respect for the whole family, she seems devoid of any sense of responsibility and is willfully hurting you. She needs therapy. You need space.

In any family I have known there would be severe consequences for her actions and the hurt she is causing. I’d suggest some action rather than waiting to see if or how much damage she does to your car or in general. Please update … as new details emerge.. Best of luck. Merry Christmas.. Wishing you the best.

Valuable-Release-868 −  Oh for the love of Pete! CALM DOWN! Text or call your sister. Inform her she has 30 minutes to get the car to you in undamaged and in one piece or you will call the cops. Tell your parents the same thing. She is their Golden Child, obviously, and will do everything possible to get your car back to avoid that happening.

Unless I misread that, she does not have a license? That’s even worse! She is probably not covered under your insurance either. If she wrecks the car, you are going to be liable for any damage and any injuries she causes. Call the cops! That is your only protection!

And stop ruminating about how rude she is. Stop letting her ruin your Christmas. She is spoiled, entitled and in for a world of hurt when she goes off to college and she finds out the world doesn’t revolve around her sorry arse!
You are under-reacting to the theft of your car – and it is a theft – and over-reacting to her word vomit. Give her one chance to bring the car back. Call the cops. Let your parents deal with the aftermath.

As far as tomorrow, do not give her anything you brought for her. Take every.single.present and lock it in your car. Keep your keys on you so she can’t steal them. Take them into the shower with you if you have to, but do not let them out of your sight for the remainder of your visit.

When she asks about her presents from you, you tell her that, “I am not giving you *anything* again. I worked hard to be able to afford to buy you things only for you to sh&t on me and steal my car. I will not reward that behavior. And if you have a problem with that, you can shove it up your arse!”. You are being an AH to yourself if you don’t call the cops.

Ill-Conversation5210 −  NTA. But please never allow someone who isn’t licensed and insured to drive your car.

CarlaQ5 −  How did she get your car? Is she insured? Report your car as stolen and mention that the person who stole it may not even be licensed.

RaineMist −  NTA. If your sister still has the car, report it as stolen to the police. She took your car without your permission so now she has to face the consequences of her actions. It’s sad that it’s during Christmas but consider reporting it if she hasn’t come back with it.

NumbersGuy22 −  OP worry about yourself, worry about your education, and quit worrying about your sister because in the end she’s not going to have any influence on making your life any better. Make your own choices and accept those consequences, as she will her own.

Above all else do not let your engagement interfere with getting your education finished on time and at the top of your class too, as well as getting your career started. It’s not an option for an escape – that’s what your school is for, which will lay the groundwork for the rest of your life to take care of you.

BLUECAT1011 −  Why, why, why would your parents let her drive cars without a license? Do they realize how much financial risk they are putting themselves in, not to mention risk to everyone else on the road? This is incredibly stupid and dangerous. Stop participating in the enabling. When this girl turns 18, I’m afraid she’s going to learn some hard lessons that your parents seem unable to provide.

LiveNationwide −  No license and with your car?. Hello cops.

elsie78 −  NTA. First, she doesn’t get a Christmas gift from you. She wishes you were dead. I don’t care if she’s a teen lashing out, time to learn words have consequences and we don’t give gifts to ungrateful people who wish us harm. Second, she doesn’t get to drive your car anymore. For any reason. No matter if your parents beg. No. Time to go LC with her. If you have to see her at your parents, limit contact and leave when she crosses the line.