AITAH for using my scared pregnant wife’s cravings against her to drive her to the hospital during labour when she absolutely wouldn’t?
When a crisis forces us to make tough decisions for the sake of our loved ones, emotions can run high and actions can be later scrutinized. In this story, our OP—a 30‑year‑old man—shares the challenging events surrounding the birth of his first child. His wife, overwhelmed with anxiety and in denial about the onset of labor, stubbornly refused to go to the hospital even though she was in active labor. Desperate to protect both her and their baby,
OP took matters into his own hands by exploiting her well-known craving for churros as a pretext to drive her to the hospital. Although everything eventually went smoothly, his wife has since repeatedly used the incident against him in arguments. Now, when she berates him about his decision, he snaps back with harsh words, warning that if she continues, she’ll soon be a single mom. With tensions still high, OP is left questioning whether his approach—and his subsequent reaction—makes him the asshole.
In this article, we explore whether OP’s actions were justified in the heat of the moment or if his harsh response later in the argument crossed a line, and what this means for a relationship already strained by intense emotions during a family crisis.
‘AITAH for using my scared pregnant wife’s cravings against her to drive her to the hospital during labour when she absolutely wouldn’t?’
Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a clinical psychologist renowned for her work on stress and relationship trauma, notes, “During times of extreme stress—such as a family emergency like childbirth—people may enter what I call ‘fight or flight’ mode. When a partner’s anxiety and refusal to seek help puts both their own life and that of a baby at risk, decisive action is often necessary. Although the emotional fallout can be complex, a protective reaction, even if it appears harsh later, is understandable.” (kidshealth.org)
Family therapist Dr. Susan Johnson adds, “In high-stress family crises, communication often becomes clouded by raw emotion. While it’s ideal to resolve conflicts calmly, when a partner repeatedly uses a past traumatic incident as a means to guilt or berate, it can push the other partner to set clear boundaries—even if those boundaries are expressed in a manner that might seem overly severe. It’s crucial for both parties to eventually engage in constructive dialogue and, if needed, therapy to heal from such events.”
Both experts agree that although later retaliation can seem regrettable, the initial decision to ensure safety during a critical moment is valid. The key, they emphasize, is whether both partners can eventually work through the underlying issues without resorting to hurtful language.
See what others had to share with OP:
Many redditors sympathize with OP, stating that when your partner’s in crisis and you’re left with no choice but to act decisively, harsh words are sometimes inevitable. “If your wife’s refusal was endangering her and the baby, you had every right to force her hand—even if it hurt,” one commenter noted.
Ultimately, the OP’s actions on the day of the birth were driven by a desperate need to protect his wife and their baby. While his wife continues to use that incident as a means to attack him in arguments, his reaction—even if it was laced with harsh words—was born out of a need to preserve their safety during a crisis.
Do you think it’s fair to let a moment of crisis justify such harsh boundaries in a relationship, or should both partners strive for more compassionate communication even under extreme stress? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below—what would you do if you were in the OP’s shoes?