AITAH for telling my wife that my life would be better without her?

One man recently shared his story to the r/AITAH subreddit about the growing tensions in his 13-year marriage after a stressful incident involving a cyclist.

Frustrated that his wife always sides against him and adds more problems to his already high-stress life, he told her that his life would be better without her after she defended the cyclist who had clipped him.

Now, she has left to stay with her parents and is demanding an apology, leaving him to question if he crossed a line with his harsh words.

‘AITAH for telling my wife that my life would be better without her?’

My wife (Anne) and I have been married for 13 years. I am 43, and she is 46. We do not have children.

When we first began dating, nobody could make me happy like Anne. She always seemed to know exactly the right thing to say to me when I was down. But over the past decade or so, she has really started to show her true colors, and a lot of what her ex husband said to me about her has beg*n to make more sense.

For example, I have a very high-stress job. People bring me problems, and I fix those problems. But when I get home, 9 times out of 10, Anne just has more problems to throw onto my plate. She doesn’t work so she’s free to do anything she wants to solve said problems during the day, but lately she has even beg*n making lists of things that she wants me to do after I work all day.

But my biggest issue with Anne is that I can’t ever really open up to her about anything. Whenever I talk about something bad that happened to me, she’ll either try to one-up me or agree with the person who wronged me.

Last Friday, I had a horrible day. There was an enormous problem at work that basically all fell on my shoulders to solve. When I was crossing the street after work, I had a green signal, and a bicycle blew through a red and sideclipped me. The cyclist yelled expletives at me and then rode away. I thought about calling the police because it was technically a hit-and-run, but there was probably nothing they could do.

When I got home, desperate, I talked to Anne about what happened. She listened and then immediately took the cyclist’s side. I reiterated that the cyclist ran through a red light, to which she responded that cyclists aren’t obligated to stop. When I told her she was wrong and tried to put the issue to rest, she began frantically googling laws. She found that in our state, they can treat lights like a stop sign. She began triumphantly reading the law to me loudly, word for word, getting louder when I kept trying to tell her that I wasn’t interested.

At the end of her spiel she gave me this incredibly arrogant look as if she was right. I just stared at her for a second and said that my life would be better without her. She got incredibly upset, shrieked at me until her voice was hoarse, and then packed a bag and left to stay with her parents.

She has texted me all weekend demanding an apology, but I haven’t responded. Did I do something unforgivable here?

Here’s what people had to say toOP:

e_therealone says

Wait if the cyclist is supposed to treat it like a stop sign then shouldn’t it stop and yield to oncoming traffic (you, who has a green light)???

So she’s wrong and still triumphantly claiming victory? Personally I think you could have elaborated a little on how she sucks the life out of you, but that’s me being petty. I hope the best for you!

FakinFunk says

Sounds like problem solved actually. You said what needed saying, and she left. Done and done.
Do you need help on first steps for contacting a lawyer or something? Because otherwise it sounds like you got her out of your house with minimal effort.

AdForward3384 says

You have no children together and you dont thrive being her husband. Why are you still married? You might take a hit financially in the divorce, but would your life not be better being a bit poorer but free of her?

UrTeenVirtuaIGF says

NTA. that sounds like a really frustrating situation, and it’s clear you’ve been feeling overwhelmed. telling her your life would be better without her was probably an emotional response to feeling unheard and unsupported, but it does highlight a deeper issue in your relationship. you deserve to feel supported, especially after a tough day.

It’s important for both partners to listen and validate each other’s feelings, not to compete or dismiss them. maybe once you both have had some time apart, you can have a calm conversation about how to improve communication and support each other better.

Many_Monk708 says

If she doesn’t work, and she’s not a comforting sounding board in your life… what is her place in your world??? I mean seriously??? She sounds insufferable. You could totally get a sweet Bernese Mountain Dog who will agree with EVERYTHING you say and totally back you up every day. And they’re excellent at cuddles.

She sounds like she prizes being right over being happy all the time. I seriously think you might be better off taking some space from her, temporarily or permanently. It’s up to you. But you need support, and you’re not getting it from her.

What do you think? Share your thoughts in the comments!