AITAH for telling my ex some hard truths during our “closure” chat?
A Redditor (33F) recently met up with her ex (41M) for a “closure” chat after four years of being apart. During the conversation, she was completely honest about her feelings during their relationship, pointing out his controlling behavior, how he made her feel, and even commenting on his performance in bed.
When he revealed he had cheated on her twice, she remained calm, telling him she already knew and that she didn’t regret leaving. Now, she’s questioning whether she was too harsh in her responses or if her honesty was justified. Read the full story below…
‘ AITAH for telling my ex some hard truths during our “closure” chat? ?’
I (33F) dated this guy (41M) for three years, but we broke up almost four years ago because I was just unhappy. Our goals didn’t line up anymore, and he kept trying to change me. He didn’t like how I dressed, my hair, or my friends (especially my LGBTQ+ crew) and even made comments about my weight.
I was new in town and lonely, so I brushed off a lot of red flags, but his controlling behavior really wore me down. When I finally left, I started therapy to deal with my baggage and the mess he left me with. Therapy has honestly been a game changer.
Recently, out of the blue, he hit me up and wanted to meet up to “clear the air.” I was hesitant but decided to go after talking it over with my therapist. I picked a café away from my place and work for the meetup. When I got there, he was already sitting down. The first thing he said was, “You look great, you’ve lost weight.
I wish you looked like this when we first met.” He even mentioned I hadn’t aged! I told him I looked fine back then, but honestly, this version of me wouldn’t have dated him in the first place because he wasn’t my type. He then said he wanted to know why I left so “abruptly.”
I asked if he was seeing anyone, and he said yes, he’s been with a Ukrainian woman for two years (which I already knew from friends). When I asked if she knew we were meeting, he said no. At that point, I just decided to be completely honest. I told him I left because I didn’t trust him and that he was really self centered.
I felt like I was never a priority for him. I even told him he wasn’t great in bed and that I stayed too long because I confused routine with love while feeling terrible about myself. I said I used to be a happy, confident person, and during our time together, I felt like I was fading away.
He flipped out, ranting about how I was a terrible partner and then dropped a huge bombshell that he cheated on me twice. I think he expected me to be upset, but I stayed calm and told him, “You cheated by paying for it, so I’m not even sure that counts.
Honestly, I already knew, and by the time I found out, I was halfway out anyway. I just felt bad for you because I saw how hard you were trying to find dates on those apps. Pathetic.” He looked completely stunned. I told him he should focus on his current girlfriend and that this meeting was my one courtesy for closure.
I said he could keep whatever story made him feel better and then I just left. Now I’m wondering if I went too far. Part of me thinks he deserved to hear the truth, but another part wonders if I could’ve been a bit nicer about it. AITAH?
Here’s what the community had to contribute:
boscoroni − You can never take fiction too far.
Late-Champion8678 − ‘And then I walked away to the sound of rapturous applause from other cafe diners. The owner’s grandmother was momentarily cured from her paralysis by my powerful speech and stood to hug me, with tears in her eyes.
I looked back only once, noting my ex’s figure slumped over in defeat as he fought the tears that came unbidden to his eyes. The end’
I can’t imagine why a therapist would agree with you meeting an ex after 4 years. What’s the point? Very mildly diverting fiction. C- minus
Im_Talking − A therapist would never in a million years suggest that it is a good thing to reconnect with an a**sive ex from 4 years back. This story is BS. YTA.
Wolfysayno − I’ll take things that never happened for 500 Alex
wigglyzoinkers − Fake
Complex-Intern-6839 − What kind of talk do you need after 4 years? Was it to feel better about yourself? Because talking all that crap, shows you haven’t really healed completely. Still feeling the need to throw things in his face.
chairmanovthebored − You sound like an incel dude, role playing as what you think a young woman is
Legion1117 − Uh huh. Did the other patrons clap as you walked out?? People really need to get better at these stories. They’re always the same b**lshit setup.
If it’s actually NOT a fantasy, you’re still TA for meeting with this j**k 4 years after your broke up. No sane person does that who isn’t reading from a Hollywood script on a soundstage.. Get a life.
sweetpup915 − I’m really sick of these obvious answer posts. You just want to vent. There’s a bunch of subs for that. But they aren’t as big and you don’t get your copium and attention there that you get here and that you sorely lack IRL. Posts like these and people like you ruin this sub.
Do you think the Redditor’s blunt honesty was necessary for her closure, or did she go too far in airing her grievances? How would you handle a similar situation with an ex? Share your thoughts below!