AITAH for telling my daughter that her child cannot take care of the baby?

A Reddit user, a mother of six and grandmother to 23, shares a story about a situation that arose while visiting her daughter, Kaia. During the visit, the user discovered that Kaia frequently asks her 16-year-old daughter to care for the newborn baby boy, who has colic.

The teenager handles most of the nighttime duties, including tending to the baby when he wakes up hourly. When the user expressed concern, Kaia justified the arrangement by saying she needed sleep.

The user, who didn’t require her daughters to take care of one another in this way, feels conflicted about stepping in and telling her daughter that the baby is her responsibility. Read the full story below.

‘ AITAH for telling my daughter that her child cannot take care of the baby?’

I am a mother of 6 beautiful women and a grandmother of 23; 7 granddaughters and 16 grandsons. I was at my second oldest daughter’s house, Kaia, and the newborn baby boy was crying. She had asked her only daughter, who is 16, to get the baby. The baby has colic and it’s terrible.

I asked my granddaughter if her mom always makes her get the baby, and she told me yes. She also mentioned that the baby sleeps in her room and wakes up every hour, and she’s the one who gets the baby. When I asked Kaia about this, she said that she does it because she needs sleep.

I told her that the baby is her child, but she insisted that she still needs to sleep. I asked my other daughters if they made their oldest daughters or sons take care of the youngest, and they said yes. I never made my girls take care of one another when they were younger, aside from occasional help.

I told them that they needed to take care of the baby themselves. AITAH for doing this or no? I kinda feel guilty and disappointed in myself for doing this.

Heres the input from the Reddit crowd:

JTBlakeinNYC −  NTA. Teenagers actually need *more* sleep than adults. At our daughter’s last checkup, our pediatrician told us that teens need a minimum of 9 uninterrupted hours each night in order to be emotionally and physically healthy.

Finding-my-way176 −  It’s not on your 16yo granddaughter to take care of her baby sister. A baby needs their mother more than anyone I would think. It’s strange that all your daughters have done this even if they did grow up that way.

YeeHawMiMaw −  NTA – not even a little bit. Your grandchildren will maintain a relationship with the grandparent who stood up for them when they go low contact with the mothers that parentified and dumped their responsibilities on children.

Prize_Sorbet3366 −  NTA. Like wtsf…SHE needs sleep??? What about her still-maturing daughter, who really DOES need substantial and uninterrupted sleep so her brain can, you know, function properly and \*learn\* in school??? If your daughter is so sleep-deprived by having babies, why the hell is she having more babies?? HER baby, HER responsibility. In NO way should she be essentially fostering her newborn with her 16-year-old daughter.

HarlotteHoehansson −  I can’t even imagine the audacity it takes to push the nightime care of my own baby on to my older child. That is absolutely mind boggling

MossMyHeart −  NTA, but your daughters are child abusers, because that is what parentification is.

IgnoranceIsShameful −  It is absolutely bonkers that your daughter put her infant in her teenage daughters bedroom. You’re right to disappointed in your kids. And if your granddaughter falls asleep at the wheel or gets into substance it’ll be your daughters fault. 

TygrEyes −  There is a huge difference between “can you grab the baby, I’m in the middle of something” and “you be the mom because I’m checking out.”
Definitely NTA. I am 6.5 years older than my sister and almost 8 older than my brother.

I did a LOT of helping and babysitting over the years, usually unpaid and rarely without anyone actually asking (as opposed to ordering). I didn’t think that was fair, and still don’t. No way in hell is it one kid’s responsibility to get up with baby overnight. Eff that. NTA. My adult child would get an earful and a half for that and my grankid would probably be staying with me for a bit.

HereWeGo_Steelers −  It’s called parentification, and it’s unhealthy and traumatizing. [Parentification Trauma. NTA for trying to protect your grandchildren from their lazy parents. Before anyone comes after me for calling the parents lazy.. they shouldn’t have more children than they can handle without having to rely on their other children.

Traditional-Ad2319 −  If these women don’t want to take care of their babies they should stop having babies not make your teenage children take care of them that’s absurd.

Do you think the grandmother was right to speak up about her concerns, or is it not her place to intervene in how her daughter manages her household? How would you approach this situation if you were in the grandmother’s shoes? Share your thoughts below!