AITAH for selling my house out from under my son and his girlfriend?

A Redditor found themselves at odds with their son and his girlfriend after deciding to sell a rental home they had occupied for years. Despite giving advanced notice about the sale and even sharing a portion of the profits with her son, the relationship deteriorated. The son and his girlfriend accused her of “selling the house out from under them” and went no-contact, leaving her heartbroken. Was this a fair decision, or did the sale cross a line? Read the full story below.

‘ AITAH for selling my house out from under my son and his girlfriend?’

I (60F) have rented my second home to my son “Joe” (34M) for the last 7 years. Initially he shared the home with friends at a below market rent. Leases included agreements for periodic, reasonable increases. Most of my retirement nest egg was in that home and I was clear that if there was ever any risk to the investment, I would have to sell immediately.

Once I lost the homeowners insurance as they were not properly maintaining the house. We made corrections and got in reinstated. Twice I lost my job and struggled to pay the mortgage on that house and my primary residence, but was able to quickly find another job and cover expenses. Each of these instances prompted a conversation that they should prepare for the house to be sold if I could not resolve the problem.

I planted the seed with my son that he should be saving money in case he wanted to buy the house someday, and this is where I might be the AH. He initially said he was not interested, but 2 years ago his girlfriend (32F) moved in and he showed more interest. I was very happy for them, and I thought we had a good relationship. They told their housemates they wanted to live together as a couple and asked them to move out. She coordinated an effort to clean up the house and maintain it better, which made me very happy.

Then our neighborhood started changing. Investors were buying up properties at hugely inflated prices and mostly renting them out. Some homes are vacant for a long time before being rented. There was a shooting a block away. It was time to get out of that neighborhood and take advantage of the higher market prices.

I spoke to Joe and his girlfriend in the fall of 2023 and explained why they should start making plans to be out by the fall of 2024. We briefly discussed their financial situation. They were not able to buy the house, and possibly never could at the going rate. The value of homes had more than doubled in a year and that market was not going to sustain itself much longer.

Everything instantly changed. She was openly rude to my face and via text. When they moved out, “they” left some petty, vindictive “messages” around the house. They refused to give anyone in the family their new address. In 2017 I had promised Joe a portion of the profit when I sell. The day after I wrote him the check he changed his phone number. He has gone no contact and broken my heart.

His father (71M), my ex, told me that Joe eventually called him, but still won’t give his address. He told my ex if I ever got his number then he would just change it again and never trust him. He said they are cutting me out of their life because I “sold the house out from under them”..

F-UP: They were mostly responsible tenants. Paid a fair price always on time. A bit neglectful but not destructive. The insurance co were d*cks. Not his fault, but my retirement fund was at risk.

He is not spoiled at all. But we’ve always had a rocky relationship. I love him dearly and some of the comments are not totally fair to him. He could have lived with either parent for low-no cost. His siblings did this until they were on their feet. Joe chose to rent from me. The mortgage needed to be paid.

I sold both houses (not just the rental) and paid off the mortgages, so not a pure profit here. I owed money. We both had to move and I’m downsizing to prepare for retirement. Cheaper house in a cheaper area. Joe and girlfriend are not in a position to buy the house even at a lower price. But if they were, why wouldn’t they just turn around and sell for the extra cash?

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

BitofDark −  NTA. You gave your son notice all along that this was not a long-term solution. You talked with Son and his girlfriend, and they could not afford to buy the house. You kept your word all throughout this. Including writing that check to him. Which my petty behind would have not done. OP, I am sorry you are hurting over the loss of your son and how he has and is treating you. Sadly, your son was looking for you to continue how things went, even when it got so hard for you.

Son forgets that you could have sold the house when you lost your job earlier. What would he have done then? Probably treated you the same way. It sadly sounds like you will always be in your son & his gf, the villain, in their story.
I am so sorry you are going through this.

GenxBaby2 −  NTA They sound very ungrateful.   You subsidized your son for years with below market value rent.  Sounds like he and his girlfriend were hoping that would go on indefinitely.  Maybe get the word to him that he should be concerned about your will.

FrostyIcePrincess −  NTA. 1 you hinted that you might sell the house more than once. 2 you gave them the right of first refusal before putting it on the market. 3 you tried sending them a portion of the profit from the sale, then they moved away and ghosted you. OP didn’t “sell the house out from under them”

horsenamedmayo −  INFO. You said that if there was ever a risk or you were not able to resolve a problem, you’d sell. Did that occur? It sounds like it didn’t. It sounds like the neighborhood was being bought up at hugely inflated prices so you decided to sell for profit (not due to problems).

When you offered your son the ability to purchase before you sold did you expect him to buy at that hugely inflated price? Home purchases are down right now due to high prices and high interest rates. Housing is a challenge for people and you took a stable situation away because you wanted to maximize profit.

Yea, I’d be upset too. You had the right to do it but that doesn’t mean he isn’t allowed strong feelings about it. Giving a portion of the profit was kind but it’s going to be spent on inflated rent prices and they’ll likely rent for life. You weren’t facing hardship and you had previously said you’d sell if there were problems. The GF was maintaining the house. It sounds like you saw $$$ and sold. That feels scummy. I won’t say you’re the AH because you had the right but I also understand the hurt and upset feelings in response.. Edit: Typo.

dragonetta123 −  NTA. And he got a lump sum from the profit, so he wasn’t left with just an eviction, which pretty much 99% of all renters don’t get.

[Reddit User] −  You can’t beat yourself up for this. They knew the deal. NTA. Can’t believe he took your money and then did this. Your son and his gf are entitled.

WeddingFickle6513 −  Ehhh, I’m torn here, op, because we did something similar. Ours was a rent to own verbal agreement a decade ago. About 6 months ago, there was a discussion about needing to formally purchase the house due to a pending retirement. We will only owe 1/4 of the property’s resale value because they are honoring the agreed price years ago and subtracting the payments for the last 10 years.

It’s such a good deal that I almost feel like TAH because they could ask us to pay the difference in appraisal value, but they didn’t. I realize yall didn’t have a rent to own agreement, and you aren’t obligated to help adult children, but that’s your child. The choice is already made, but I promise he is viewing this as you value money over him.

VehicleIndependent72 −  I don’t think there are any real AHs here. You had a house that you considered an investment and your son – once the girlfriend entered the picture and things got serious – was finally in a position to save and buy the house from you. Then the market exploded and you sold for inflated profits, rather than if there were problems like originally agreed upon and understood.

So I think while you were in your rights to do that, your son feels betrayed – that the original agreement was thrown out for $$ – and that’s why he’s no contact now. It would have been the final straw because that’s a drastic step to take. I don’t think it’s about entitlement on the son’s part. I think there’s probably a lot of hurt feelings and resentment.

OwlUnique8712 −  NTA- But you were straight up getting used by both of them. Why in the world would you write him a freaking check after they in your own words wrote vindictive messages all around the house and even before that started being rude and disrespectful to your face.

And you still wrote him a check. I’m sorry your own son used you and dumped you after him and his girlfriend got what they could out of you. Your son should be ashamed of what he did to you. But now you see he is trying to justify it. I hope you move on and find some peace after this situation.

Humble_Guidance_6942 −  NTA. Your son is shortsighted. Eventually, you will be pushing up daisies, and if he played his cards right, he could have had the house you live in now. I’m so sorry that he hurt you. He’s about that p***y whipped life. He’s been living in a house paying below market rent and somehow couldn’t save money to buy it or anything else.