AITAH for reporting my coworker to HR after he kept calling me names and mocking my appearance?
A Reddit user (28F) shares her frustration with a coworker (53M) who repeatedly made rude, body-shaming comments about her weight, framing them as jokes. After the comments escalated in a team meeting, she confronted him and filed a formal complaint with HR.
Now, she’s facing cold treatment from coworkers who think she overreacted. The user wonders if she was justified in reporting the behavior or if she caused unnecessary drama. Read the original story below for more details.
‘ AITAH for reporting my coworker to HR after he kept calling me names and mocking my appearance?’
I (28F) work in a male-dominated office, and I’ve always tried to be professional and keep my head down. But there’s this one coworker, “John” (53M), who constantly singles me out with rude comments—always framed as “jokes.”
At first, it was subtle. He’d say things like, “Oh, careful, you might blow away in the wind!” or, “You should eat something; we don’t need you fainting on us!” I’m naturally slim, and I’ve dealt with comments about my weight my whole life, so I just brushed it off.
But then it escalated. He started calling me “Stick” or “Twig” in front of others. Once, when I brought a salad for lunch, he constantly commented on it. The breaking point came during a team meeting when he said, “Let’s not give [my name] any heavy assignments—she might snap in half!”
This was in front of our boss and a client. I was mortified, but I didn’t say anything in the moment because I didn’t want to seem “emotional” or unprofessional. Afterward, I pulled John aside and told him his comments about my weight were inappropriate and made me uncomfortable.
He smirked and said, “Jeez, don’t take it so seriously. It’s just a joke—you’re so sensitive, no wonder people have a hard time working with you.” I went to HR the next day and filed a formal complaint. Now, John barely acknowledges me, and some of my other coworkers are acting cold toward me.
One of them even said, “You really couldn’t take a joke? You just made things awkward for everyone.” I don’t want to cause drama, but I also feel like I shouldn’t have to put up with being humiliated about my appearance at work. Am I overreacting? AITAH?
See what others had to share with OP:
Lucy7892 − NTAH, those « jokes » aren’t funny, I think he is just trying to humiliate you and to cover it up by saying that he is joking. People like John and your coworkers are dumb for not seeing how inappropriate and mean this is
NefariousnessFresh24 − NTA – but your coworkers are. John for making all of these stupid “jokes” and the others for not telling him to STFU. Any chance that you can find a new job in a better work environment?
deathboyuk − If the other colleagues treat you badly for this, report them too. This is workplace b**lying and f**k them for being bullies.. NTA
CycloCyanide − I’de go as far as reporting the other guy 2 that made a comment about you not being able to take a joke.
Astyryx − He’s a Schrodinger’s A**hole: it’s a joke if you’re offended. You should have gone to HR earlier, go now and establish a pattern of harassment and retaliation relating to your appearance. Also document, document, document. As to coworkers, “I prefer to keep things professional at work.”
Equal-Brilliant2640 − Ask them “I don’t get the joke, can you explain it to me?” “How is b**lying me funny? I’d really like to know”. Make them uncomfortable. Don’t let it go. Every time they bring it up ask them “can you explain the joke to me? I want to laugh too”.
They’ll give you some “oh you know…” and you say “no I don’t know. Please explain it”. They know they’re being assholes and will keep playing the victim. And let HR know other people are also harassing you for “not being able to take a joke”
YuansMoon − NTA: you tried to ignore it initially, then address it directly at the lowest level possible with him, and then you escalated. In my organization, I would have advised going to your supervisor before HR but maybe that’s different in your organization.
TurtleToast2 − NTA but HR never makes anything better. I prefer to turn the tables and make the AH uncomfortable instead. I’m also very thin and have heard all the eat-a-sandwich jokes there are. I used to just take it but I got bolder as I got older.
Some of my favorite replies now are “I’d love to eat more but the cancer took most of my intestines”, “I know you have a feeder fetish but I’m not interested”, and the classic “I had asandwich but your fatass mom stole it again”. Knowing the person helps tailor the reply.
If he’s short/fat/bald/divorced/a**oholic/etc…, it may be a sore spot, focus on that. I promise, if you find their store spot, stick with it. They’ll either stop bothering you or get so wound up *they’re* the ones running to HR and then you get to say “you made things so awkward, I guess you can’t take a joke”.
kalas_malarious − He said something in front of your boss and clients, and your boss did not slap him down after? Your boss needs some new training or to be let go.. NTA
throwaway1975764 − Straight back to HR! Send an email: *I’m not sure what was said to John or anyone else but I am now being excluded by other staff members. I have been harassed by [name(s)] and told [insert quotes].
This is clearly a hostile work environment and if you cannot remedy the situation internally I will have no choice but to seek outside counsel.* Make sure to use the specific words “excluded”, “harassed”, “hostile work environment”, and “outside counsel”. HR’s job is to protect the company, and these are legal red flag words.
Do you think the user was justified in filing the complaint, or was she overreacting to harmless “jokes”? How would you handle a similar situation in the workplace? Share your thoughts below!
