AITAH for refusing to let my finance’s ex give a speech at our wedding?

A Reddit user is facing pressure from their fiancé’s family and his ex, Katy, over a request for Katy to give a speech at their wedding. Katy and the fiancé were together for years, and now that they’re close to his family, she feels comfortable enough to ask to share some stories about him during the wedding.

The user, however, feels uncomfortable and refuses to allow it, leading to tension with the family.

‘ AITAH for refusing to let my finance’s ex give a speech at our wedding?’

My fiance was dating “Katy” for years then they broke it off. She still comes around since she’s close to his family. By how much time they had dpent together, Katy seems to know my fiance really well.

That didn’t bother me at first, but it became an issue when she asked that I let her give a speech st the wedding since she knows him well, and wanted to tell “few funny” stories about him. I felt extremely uncomfortable and told her I was sorry but it didn’t think if was appropriate for her to do that.

My fmil got involved and started lecturing me saying I need to stop being negative and claimed I was making this “about me” (but that’s my wedding!) My fiance is choosing to stay out of it, but the pressure is on me now.

I’m being called “oversensitive” and needed to “losses up” as this could be a good opportunity to add more laughter and joy to the event, but to be completely honest on here, I don’t want his ex to take any part in our wedding, even if she’s a friend of the family and they’d known her since she was a teenager.

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

JDKoRnSlut −  NTA. Fiancé needs to step up. Do not marry a man that doesn’t have your back.

pixie-ann −  NTA everyone here is varying degrees of wanker. Katy should grow a brain, no it’s not appropriate for her to speak at your wedding. MIL needs to B**T OUT! Husband (wife?) to be needs to grow a damn spine and support you.

I’d be furious with them right now if I were you. Why are they staying out of it? Can they not see that if you’re uncomfortable with their EX-PARTNER speaking at your wedding then it’s just not going to happen?

Infamous-Cash9165 −  NTA your fiancé is not staying out of it, he’s letting you be abused by his family. I would reconsider the marriage if he’s this passive.

coxtopeacock2023 −  Nta. Usually the best man, moh, even possibly a parent are the ones to give the speeches. Guaranteed the wx will try to give that speech even if you don’t “allow” her. I just wouldn’t invite her. She seems like drama follows her

CaptCamel −  NTA, but this feels like the beginnings of a fiancee/husband problem. This is your wedding as much as anyone’s, if you don’t want someone giving a speech that is a totally reasonable boundary. Your fiancee should be defending you in this case, the fact that he isn’t is a problem.

What happens when your FMIL/MIL pushes on some other boundary, is he just going to “not take sides” and leave you on your own? What kind of partnership is that? I would put a pause on the wedding until your fiancee gets a spine, and make sure he knows that.

BadBandit1970 −  NTA. Let me guess. FMIL always thought your fiancé and Katy would get married when they grew up. Them breaking up was not part of her plan. Your fiancé needs to grow a pair and tell your FMIL to mind her own damn business.

Or he better have a damn good explanation for you why he thinks Katy should have any involvement in your wedding other than a guest. Honestly, I would say you marrying him is going to determine on how he handles this. Think about it. FMIL has such a hard on for Katy, what next?

You have kids and FMIL demands that Katy be an aunt? You’re on a slippery slope. If you’re OK with FMIL and Katy calling the shots, and your fiancé making you the s**pegoat for the rest of your life, then let go of that rope and slide on down that slope. If not, you got some issues to sort out.

facinationstreet −  You had better think long and hard as to whether you actually want to marry into this s**t show. It is easier to break up than it is to divorce.

BlueGreen_1956 −  NTA I am laughing at the “my fiancé is staying out of it.” Weddings are usually all about the bride and the groom is almost always just a prop there to recite 30 seconds of vows. He is taking the “let the bride plan it since it’s HER day” to an admirable level. Just tell her “No” and tell everyone else to f**k off.

ConfusedAt63 −  Here is an idea, ask the groom to be if he would mind if your old bf also came to the wedding and gave his giving you away to your husband speech and see how he feels about staying out of it!

AukwardOtter −  NTA. You don’t have a Fiance’s ex problem. You don’t have a MIL problem. Yet. You have a fiance problem, right now. He’s happy to leave you under the bus to deal with it while he sticks his head in the sand. It doesn’t matter that she’s a family friend, why is she even going to the wedding?

It doesn’t matter that she’s a family friend, they’re not together anymore for a reason. He needs to be reminded that this is *your wedding* (both yours) and that starting your marriage off with past-relationship drama and/or your MIL disrespecting boundaries is a disaster waiting to happen. Talk to him and put his feet to the fire to get this under control, now.

Do you think the user is justified in refusing to let her fiancé’s ex give a speech at their wedding, or is she being too sensitive? How would you handle this situation if you were in her shoes? Share your thoughts and join the conversation below!