AITAH for refusing to give my inheritance to my mom after she disowned me for marrying my husband?

Family and inheritance issues can become incredibly heated when deep-seated wounds resurface. In this case, the OP—a 31‑year‑old man—shares how his life has been upended by the fallout of his coming out and marriage to his husband, Marcus. His mother, Kara, whose narrow-minded views on same‑sex relationships and race once drove her to cut him off completely, is now reaching out for financial help due to her own struggles.

OP inherited a significant sum from his supportive grandpa, which allowed him and Marcus to purchase their first home. Despite his mother’s current financial hardship, OP refuses to share any of the inheritance with her, arguing that her past rejection makes her unworthy of his hard‑earned security. Now, family and friends are calling him heartless, and he wonders if his decision makes him the asshole.

‘AITAH for refusing to give my inheritance to my mom after she disowned me for marrying my husband?’

Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a clinical psychologist specializing in family dynamics, states, “In situations where deep wounds and longstanding resentments exist, financial boundaries can serve as a form of self‑protection.

While empathy for a struggling parent is important, it’s equally crucial to recognize that forgiveness must be earned—not coerced by financial need. The OP’s decision to withhold his inheritance is less about being unkind and more about maintaining his emotional and financial security after years of rejection.”(kidshealth.org)

Similarly, financial counselor Dr. Elena Morales explains, “An escape fund or inheritance is meant to secure one’s future. If a family member has repeatedly demonstrated that they cannot be trusted to honor mutual support, it’s reasonable for someone to reserve those funds. Communication is key, but it appears the OP’s mother has not made efforts to reconcile her past actions, which makes his stance understandable.”(kidshealth.org)

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

Several redditors support the OP, stating that he is within his rights to protect his inheritance given his mother’s past behavior. “If she disowned you for who you are, why should you be expected to help her now?” one user commented.

In summary, the OP’s refusal to share his inheritance with his estranged mother—who disowned him for his identity and relationship—is a decision rooted in a desire for self‑protection and fairness. While some see it as heartless, many understand that maintaining financial independence after years of emotional rejection is not inherently selfish.

The core issue is whether the past should dictate financial support now, or if genuine reconciliation is possible. What do you think? Is it fair to withhold inheritance when the relationship was broken by past actions, or should family ties ultimately prevail? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below—what would you do in a similar situation?