AITAH for refusing to get my daughter with severe social anxiety a service dog and forcing her to get a part time job after what she did?
When a moment of reckless behavior leaves lasting scars, the fallout can force parents to make tough decisions. In this story, a 45-year-old mother recounts how her 15-year-old daughter with severe social anxiety caused serious harm by trying to recreate an online video with her aunt’s senior dog. In an impulsive moment, the daughter took the dog to the roof, leading to a fall into the pool that broke the dog’s ribs and paw.
Furious and heartbroken, the mother decided two things: the daughter would no longer receive a service dog—a tool meant to help her overcome social anxiety—and she must pay off the expensive vet bill by getting a part-time job. While the daughter’s behavior was undeniably reckless, her severe anxiety makes this punishment a particularly delicate matter.
Her husband and her therapist have both expressed concern that completely scrapping the service dog plan and forcing a job might be too harsh, given her mental health needs. Now the mother is left wondering if she’s overstepped, or if her actions are justified by the gravity of the situation. Was she wrong for using these consequences to hold her daughter accountable, or is this a necessary stand to prevent future harm?
‘AITAH for refusing to get my daughter with severe social anxiety a service dog and forcing her to get a part time job after what she did? ‘
Dr. Laura Markham, a clinical psychologist specializing in family dynamics, explains, “When a child repeatedly engages in behavior that harms others—especially involving vulnerable animals—it is crucial to establish consequences. However, these consequences must be balanced with the child’s underlying needs, particularly when mental health issues such as severe social anxiety are present.”
She adds, “Taking away a service dog, which can be an essential tool for managing anxiety, might hinder the child’s progress. Instead, a gradual approach to accountability could be more beneficial in the long run.”
Dr. John Gottman, a relationship and family expert, concurs: “Enforcing financial responsibility in the face of repeated misbehavior is often necessary, but it should not come at the cost of critical support systems. In this case, the service dog was recommended as part of a comprehensive strategy to help the child navigate public life.
Removing that support entirely can have unintended negative consequences.” He emphasizes that the key is clear communication about expectations. “If the goal is to teach accountability, then structured consequences—such as setting up a payment plan for the vet bill combined with supervised work opportunities—might be a more balanced approach than an outright ban on a service dog.”
Both experts underscore that while the daughter’s reckless action was unacceptable and warrants a consequence, the punitive measures must also consider her emotional well-being. A punitive response that strips her of necessary support might not lead to genuine behavioral change, but rather, exacerbate her anxiety and feelings of isolation.
Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:
Several redditors expressed strong support for holding the daughter accountable, with one user writing, “Your daughter’s actions endangered an animal and showed a complete lack of responsibility. It’s fair to expect her to face the consequences for her actions—even if it means tough love.”
Another group shared personal experiences, with one commenter stating, “I had to learn accountability the hard way, and sometimes that means taking on financial responsibility for your mistakes. It might be harsh, but it’s a necessary lesson.”
Ultimately, your decision to hold your daughter accountable for her reckless behavior is understandable, but the measures you’ve chosen—completely canceling the service dog and forcing her into a part-time job—may be too harsh given her severe social anxiety.
While consequences are essential to teach responsibility, it might be more constructive to consider a compromise that allows her to gradually earn back privileges, such as reinstituting the service dog under strict conditions or setting up a structured payment plan for the vet bill. This situation raises important questions: How do we balance necessary consequences with the emotional support required for someone with significant mental health challenges?
What would you do if you found yourself in a similar situation? Have you ever had to navigate the tough balance between accountability and care for someone with anxiety? Share your thoughts and experiences below—your insights might help others facing similar family dilemmas.