AITAH for putting my profoundly autistic daughter on birth control?

A 45-year-old mother faces backlash for putting her 19-year-old daughter, Layla, who has profound autism and a developmental age of 3-4 years, on birth control to manage painful menstrual cycles.

After explaining the situation to her sister-in-law, Ashley, who vehemently opposes the decision, the mother becomes overwhelmed by criticism from family members, leading her to question whether she made the right choice for her daughter’s well-being.

AITAH for putting my profoundly autistic daughter on birth control?

I (45 F) have a daughter (19 F) Layla who is profoundly autistic. She was diagnosed as a young child and due to the efforts of her speech and OT (and her own hard work) she has been able to gain a lot of independent daily living skills over the years.

As she started hitting the teenage years though we started facing an extreme struggle with her period. Due to her diagnosis she is estimated to have the developmental age of a 3 or 4 year old child. This makes her month cycle extremely painful and confusing for her. She does not know or understand why she is bleeding or in pain.

She suffers from bad cramping, which is difficult to treat as she has a hard time communicating when she is pain. Aside from the pain, the hygienic side of her cycle is very difficult for both her and me.

Due to the painful nature of her cycle, keeping things consistently clean is extremely hard as there is a negative association there and she does everything she can to avoid dealing with her period.

After trying different OT therapists and plans, both me and her father, her OT therapist and her pediatrician have decided the best thing for her is to be put on birth control so her cycles can be managed.

We safely have her skip the majority of her cycles during the year, and it has been a blessing for us. It has been 4 months, and not only has she been able to avoid the pain she goes through every month, but her general mood and demeanor has improved as well. Her therapist believes her irregular cycle was causing her a lot of anxiety.

The issue comes with my SIL Ashley. She was over at the house yesterday having lunch with us when she asked how Layla had been doing recently. I told her that she was doing very well and explained to her the changes we made in the last few months. Ashley was horrified.

She started ranting about how I am taking away my daughters autonomy by putting her on birth control without her consent and that the long term affects could hurt her fertility. Layla will never have children, and will never have an intimate relationship with others due to her developmental age.

I tried explaining this to SIL but she held firm, I honestly don’t know if she has a very good grasp on autism or developmental disorders at this point. I ended up asking her to leave as she was getting louder and I didn’t want her to upset Layla.

I let my husband know what had happened when he got home from work- Layla had already texted him trying to shame him for allowing Layla to be put on birth control. She has now involved my MIL and has even reached out to my own mother over facebook, claiming my husband and I are taking away our daughters autonomy.

I really think that the birth control was the right choice for our daughter, but the constant barrage of insults is starting to make me question things. AITA?

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

liltinybits says:
Nah, you aren’t really entitled to an opinion of someone else’s medical decisions that don’t impact you in any way.

There really are some situations in which outsiders don’t have a right to an opinion. I’m so sick of pretending that just because we are capable of being opinionated busybodies, that means it’s a-okay.

discountbinmario says:
I don’t want to promote fertility in someone who is mentally 4 years old. The only way they’re getting pregnant is if someone takes advantage or assaults them and that is just horrendous. If her periods are distressing for her then pregnancy would be infinitely worse.

Unknown User says:
NTA. I have an autistic daughter and periods are hell. Even just from the hygienic standpoint of getting her to change a pad is enough to want me to put her on BC to make the periods stop. She also has pain but won’t take pain meds. So yeah there are some things we need to don differently for these kiddos. Having them on bc is one of those things. Your SIL has no idea what she is talking about.

sandtigeress says:
NTA – don’t know what your Sils problem is. You discussed it with your doctors and it helps. A lot of women take the pill to regulate their circle.

Her form of autism takes away your daughters autonomy , you are her guardian and therefore it is your role to make medical decisions.

linerva says:
She’s making shit up because she’s anti BC.

The pro life crowd have ALWAYS been staunchly anti birth control and often spread lies or exaggerate the risks significantly.

BC does not gave a longterm effect on fertility. Fertility may be delayed by around a year if you’re on the depo injection, but in the long run no form of BC renders people infertile – except surgery.

Tripsn says:
Yeah, well, you can PREFER all you want, crumpet eater, because this is AMERICA and George Washington didn’t carry Jesus Christ across the Potomac in a rowboat just to have you tell us what to do!

(!) 😘😘😘

(Love ya!)

Glinda-The-Witch says:
NTA. Your sister-in-law has no right to an opinion in the situation. You did not unilaterally make this decision, you did so based on recommendations of professionals. I’m not sure where you’re located but “Period Underwear” has become quite common and may be helpful for your daughter during the times she has her period. I suggest you don’t discuss your daughters condition or treatment with your sister-in-law in the future.

future_nurse19 says:
I was so mad when I started working in a gyn office and realized I could skip periods with BC/some methods are known to be likelu to stop your cycle. Why this isn’t a more talked about thing drives me crazy, even if my period isn’t that level of bad like yours was. I would get a “normal” amount of cramps and bleeding but still not fun. Now I haven’t had a true period, barely even any spotting now with my IUD. I would have started on BC long before I did if id realized