AITAH for paying for the xmas present I always wanted but boyfriend disagrees?

A Reddit user shares their frustration over buying a Christmas present for themselves—a specific ring they’ve always wanted. During the shopping trip, the user’s boyfriend seemed disengaged, scrolling through his phone and stepping outside to chat, making the user feel unimportant.

Although the user initially offered to split the cost, they ended up paying for the entire ring. The boyfriend later reimbursed the amount and expressed how hurt he felt, but the user is now questioning whether they overreacted and if they should go ahead with the purchase. Read the full story below to see what happened!

‘ AITAH for paying for the xmas present I always wanted but boyfriend disagrees?’

Hello guys. Xmas Blues…. I guess. Since forever I wanted this ring. Simple band, nothing outrageous. But a specific one so as you might think is from a well known reputable brand/design. Having said that, it’s not on the cheap side.

Issue is the whole time we were inside the store it was like he was not there at all. Scrolling his phone and nonsense calls that had nothing to do with our outing as a couple to get my Christmas present. He even went outside the store to chit chat ( bad reception he said) but whatever..

I feel so unimportant, so low, I even said I would pay part of it ,but then as soon as I send the 50% it felt so good, so I told him that actually I was gonna pay it in full and get if for myself. I wanted this to be something to remember but not in this way. Now he’s blaming me on how bad this makes him feel… when I confronted him on his lack of presence he replied something justifying his actions.

And that’s when my heart sank, I realized, perhaps, I will never be on top of his list. Makes sense? Am I overreacting? Should I keep going with my purchase to eradicate this vibe or maybe let it pass -is not a big deal? Early morning he reimbursed the amount I paid, not sure how to proceed now. Trying to express myself the best I can, sorry in advance for typos and anything else, English is second language. Thanks for reading and for any light given.

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

etwetw −  Sounds like he wasn’t present for something important to you. You deserve better.

Balownga −  In short : he is on probation in your life (and do not really care) while you are not on probation in your own life. His poor self investment show that this fling will definitely not last. I guess your feeling of doubt come from the fact that you already know it.

winterworld561 −  Why are you with this useless a**hole that doesn’t value you at all?

57_Eucalyptusbreath −  Sounds like you found the perfect Christmas present that sets you on the path to your happiness.

Top-Passion-1508 −  NTA, if he can’t prioritise you in a moment that is meant to be for you, then he has no business being with you.

Known_Two_2072 −  Why exactly does your bf need to be there when you’re buying something? Have you never been to the store alone.

ULT_Babestation −  It seems like the real issue isn’t the ring itself but how your boyfriend behaved during the outing. His lack of attention and the way he dismissed your feelings may have left you feeling unimportant. You’re entitled to feel hurt if your emotional needs aren’t being met, especially on something as personal as Christmas. This moment was about a shared experience, and it seems you were looking for more from him in terms of emotional presence and effort.

peaceisthe- −  Buy your gift – and review the whole relationship- eg I am a terrible shopper and will make the effort to fake it for really important bits – my wife is really kind and rarely pushes me here – and overall we are kind and loving – so it is a one off no worries but if it is a pattern you need someone who values mutuality and care.

Big_lt −  I don’t understand your story with the comments:

• 1 year ago you bought some ring that’s a set.
  
•  Recently you wanted to expand this set and get a 2nd ring.
  
•  BF offers to get it as an Xmas gift; you don’t want him to get you an Xmas gift cause he supports you in other ways.
  
•  Somehow you both end up at the jeweler.
  
•  He is doing something else, because honestly there is nothing for him to do as you shop / get the ring sized.
  
•  You’re upset he’s not simply watching you get fitted.
  
•  You then go to pay and now decide because he wasn’t expressing interest in a mundane task that you will reject his offering to buy as an Xmas gift and buy it yourself (this wasting his time completely).
  
• What exactly did you expect from him?

lilsis061016 −  NTA. He wanted you to do all the work and for him to get the credit of “gifting” you something you’d very obviously love (since you picked it). You are 100% within your right to just buy yourself your own damn present (cue Miley Cyrus “Flowers”) and he can get you something else that he puts the effort in for (effort here being both time and money).

Personally, I would stick to your guns and tell him he chose to not be part of the process, you didn’t exclude him. There is accountability for him to take on the impact of his actions. If you let him get away with the half-assed BS, he will always do this and your feeling of not being important will only fester.