Aitah for not giving my niece the gift I planned for my gooddaughter?

A Reddit user shared a story about a heartfelt birthday gift they planned for their goddaughter Daisy: a trip to see their favorite K-pop group in concert. When the user’s sister found out, she demanded the tickets for her teenage daughter Alexa instead, arguing that the teen would appreciate it more. Read the full story below to see how this thoughtful gesture turned into a family conflict.

‘ Aitah for not giving my niece the gift I planned for my gooddaughter?’

The article has the next update at the end.

My niece Alexa ( F14) and my gooddaughter Daisy (F8) are both born in December just a few days apart. I don’t really get along with my sister so my contact with my niece are limited to family birthdays, Christmas and Easter. I don’t know much about Alexa, just that she’s very introverted ( She barely speaks during family gathering ) that she loves books and has always headphones on ( but I had no idea what kind of music she liked).

Daisy is my best friend’s daughter. Her mother and I have been best friend since middle school and I’ve been part of Daisy’s life since day one. I’m a big K pop fan and recently Daisy has picked up my passion. She loves my favourite k group and has gone as far as learning lyrics and coreographies.

So for her birthday I decided to do something special and buy to tickets for their up coming concert in January. It is a pretty expensive gift considering tickets, travel and accomodation, but I was more focused on the memories we would build thanks to this experience. Last week my sister heard me talking to my mom about what I planned for Daisy’s birthday.

She told me that Alexa loves the same k group and asked me to take her to the concert too as a birthday gift. I explained to her that it wasn’t possibile as I already bought the tickets and I wouldn’t be able to find another one as the concert was already sold out. Plus I couldn’t really afford a 3 people trip. So she suggested that I took Alexa since she’s older and my real niece.

I told her that this whole trip was planned for Daisy and It wasn’t fair to ask me to change her gift in favor of Alexa. I told her that there’ll be other occasions and that now that I know of Alexa’s love for the group I’ll make sure to gift her something related like Official Merchandise or a signed album.

She called ma an Ah and accused me of loving a “stranger” more than my blood. My mother later told me that I was being unfair and that a teen would appreciate a concert more than a 8 year old.. AITAH?

Update here: https://aita.pics/zbOpR

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

Southern_Hamster_338 −  NTA – Your sister PURPOSELY CHOSE To not allow you to have a close relationship with her Daughter to punish you for refusing to give in to her demands over the years and refuse to agree with her all the time. That was HER CHOICE to act like you were the toxic one & she kept you from forming a close bond with your niece.

NOW she decides that it’s okay for you to be around her child?? Because you bought tickets to a concert for your Goddaughter?? Uhmmm…NO! That’s not how true FAMILY works! Please make sure that your Family knows that the real reason your niece isn’t going to the concert this year is only because of your sister.

Because had she ALLOWED YOU to be around your niece for the 14 years she’s been alive & ALLOWED YOU to form a bond with her (the same way your friend did) then you would have known that your niece liked the band too & your niece would DEFINITELY have been invited.

Maybe now your sister will allow you to be in her daughter’s life. But she has ONLY HERSELF TO BLAME that her Daughter isn’t doing fun stuff with her Auntie! She is the ONLY one who pushed to keep you out of her life for 14 years.

Your niece missed out on trips to the zoo with you as a small child, missed out on going to the theater to see awesome movies, missed out on going to the park, missed out on having fun shopping together, etc. ALL the FUN STUFF you did with your friends child: Your sister PURPOSELY didn’t allow you to take your niece.

So she doesn’t now get to dictate that your niece is suddenly allowed to go to an Event that you’ve planned with your goddaughter because YOUR SISTER WAITED UNTIL THE CONCERT SOLD OUT to say her daughter could go.
Because if your sister HAD CHOSEN TO BE IN YOUR LIFE THESE PAST 14 YEARS, she would have known about this BEFORE the tickets EVEN WENT ON SALE! Because you were so excited about it!

Her child has missed out ON SO MUCH for 14 years! That’s on HER! THAT’s EXACTLY HOW she wanted it! She can’t decide at the last minute that it’s your fault her child wasn’t included because there’s no way that you even knew the things your niece even likes! How could you know??! You’ve been exiled from your nieces life for 14 years! Enjoy the concert with your friends daughter. Have the best time!

Simplyyyywasian −  NTA. Also, if your mom wants sister’s daughter to go to the concert so bad she can find the money and time to take her.

CalligrapherFair9146 −  NTA – Keep those concert plans with Daisy! Your sister can’t just demand you switch tickets last minute. That’s super unfair to Daisy who’s basically family too. The merch idea for Alexa is a good backup plan. Blood relation doesn’t mean automatic dibs on gifts.

Mother_Search3350 −  NTAH Your mom can pony up the money or wind her neck in. She has no business chiming in about how you spend your time and money unless she is bringing out her checkbook  If your sister had fostered a relationship between you and her daughter, you would have known what gift to get her.

You weren’t even talking to her, she has extremely bad manners eavesdropping on conversations and inserting herself and her demands… She sounds insufferable.

wlfwrtr −  NTA Your goddaughter isn’t a stranger to you even if she is to sister. However your niece is a stranger that you may not even recognize if they were walking down the street by themselves. Being unfair would be giving away a gift you got for someone else and taking a stranger in their place. Mom or your sister can always try to get tickets and take niece themselves.

bunnyhop2005 −  NTA. Very entitled of your sister to make that demand.

[Reddit User] −  Nta. If she wants to go her mam can buy the ticket.

Heavy-Quail-7295 −  NTA. The 8 year old is going to freaking love it. You aren’t out of line here, your sister just wants more for her kid.

RevolutionaryCow7961 −  NTA. You barely know your niece, that’s apparently your sister’s fault. Tell your sister to get tickets and take her kid to the concert.

Suspicious_Juice717 −  NTA. Parents are responsible for fostering relationships with family. Your sister just wants a free trip for her kid. My sister was the exact same way! Always allowed to sit in a corner with headphones on. Never had to talk to anyone other than a thank you when handed a gift or plate of food. Now my sister wonders why everyone thinks she’s stuck up and she doesn’t have the relationship with her cousins that I do. I blame my stepmother for letting it happen. In this case, I blame your sister.. Too bad.