AITAH for locking my girlfriend out of the basement so I could eat in peace?

A Reddit user shared his struggle with finding peace during mealtime due to his girlfriend’s habit of complaining. Despite expressing his need for quiet while eating, her behavior persisted, prompting him to start locking himself in the basement to eat.

This drastic measure has led to emotional confrontations, raising questions about boundaries and communication in their relationship. Read the full story below to understand the complexities of their situation.

‘ AITAH for locking my girlfriend out of the basement so I could eat in peace?’

I am 39 and male. My girlfriend is 41. We have lived together for a bit over a year in my house. During the time that I have lived with my girlfriend, I’ve become very used to the fact that she really seems to de-stress by complaining.

Much of this complaining is about other people in her life, such as her mother and her former co-workers, but much of this complaining is about me and how I’m not meeting her expectations in one way or another.

I’m generally fine listening to her rant and will make all the appropriate motions to show that I’m listening, but a few months back, her complaining increased significantly in frequency.

Again, I’m happy to listen to her, but one time that I do not want to listen to complaining is when I’m eating. Breakfast time isn’t an issue because she’s still asleep when I eat it, and lunch time is fine because I work 6 days a week and am out for lunch, but I would really love nothing more than to just have a quiet dinner.

It’s especially irritating because she gets upset when I don’t answer her fast enough, even when I’m chewing. She’ll start saying “Hello? Hello? Hello? Are you even listening?” as I try to swallow the food quickly and answer her.

I expressed this to her a few months back. I put it as nicely as possible, with the excuse that I don’t do well with talking during meal time. If anything it has had the opposite effect. I’m convinced that she’s actually timing her complaints to begin when I start eating dinner now. While I’m making my dinner she’ll be quiet, and when I sit down waiting for it to cool she’ll be quiet.

But once the fork reaches my mouth, she’ll immediately start complaining. Last Saturday, I told her that I couldn’t deal with her complaining during dinner time anymore, and that if she did it again I would start eating elsewhere.

She responded “Yeah OK fine.” Then she sat down at the table and stared at me. When I took my first bite, she said, “Oh by the way, today you kicked one of my shoes when you were putting yours on. It made me feel like you only care about your own things and not mine.” I stood up and went down to the basement to eat, locking the door behind me.

I’ve taken to doing this for every day since, and she’ll bang on the door at times. At other times she has demanded I give her a key, as I have the only copy. Today she was literally crying and begging me to eat dinner at the table, but I said no.

Now she’s threatening to take the door off its hinges while I’m at work (so I know I have to lock it from the outside before going tomorrow).. Am I in the wrong here?

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

Specialist-Home-9841 −  This is so toxic… Please, end this ASAP…

Lucky-Guess8786 −  Why are you with someone this miserable? I cannot imagine listing to someone complain every mealtime. All day, every day. Are you really going to do this for the next 20 years or more? Yikes! NTA

NotARusski −  You locked her out of the basement. That’s a good first step. Now do the same with the rest of your house.

griff1821 −  I hope you didn’t accidentally kick one of her shoes on your way to the basement.

RandomReddit9791 −  She sounds freaking insufferable. She complains all the time, purposely  antagonizes you, then plays victim. She seems very self centered and if she’s that unhappy with you that she constantly complains about you, she should move out. 

LilRocketQueen −  Sounds like you shouldn’t be together.

Training-Pair4167 −  OP, I hate to break it to ya, but I think you two are on your way to a break up. She’s not budging on her timing of complaining to you, and you’re not budging on your very valid boundary of it.

Most things can be worked out with a compromise (which is what you tried to do), but some things are just deal breakers. If she continues, will it be a deal breaker for you? Can’t blame you if it is.

Rodharet50399 −  If you’re locking yourself in the basement to eat because you kicked one of her shoes you’re living with a domestic terrorist. NTA.

Simple_hooman_ −  today you kicked one of my shoes when you were putting yours on. It made me feel like you only care about your own things and not mine.

” TF is this b**lshit what’s next you hit my toothbrush with yours when you put it back which made me feel that you don’t care about my teeth what is wrong with this woman did she only physically age did her brain take leave of absence for the past 22 years

Appropriate-Lime5531 −  Change the rest of the locks on the your house & ask where she’d like her stuff delivered. If this woman can make a simple meal this miserable, force you to flee your kitchen every evening using only her words, imagine what she can do to the rest of your life if she tries.

Was the Reddit user’s choice to lock himself in the basement an appropriate response to protect his peace, or did it escalate the situation unnecessarily? How can couples navigate boundaries and communication without resorting to such extremes? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below!